missing

I rolled over and my arm fell on the cold spot in the bed.

How long would it be before that wasn't a shock to the system anymore? No one else warmed the sheets. No one else would be making the coffee. No lover stood in the shower, or had walked out the front door on their way to work for the day. No one else filled the gas tank or my many waking hours. I was alone.

After so many weeks, how was it that fresh tears could still form under swollen lids? Was I doomed to this nightmare forever more? Would I ever wake up from this sick and twisted turn of my life? The answer of course was no.

Life no longer held another to be responsible to or to care about my fate. I could bypass the potatoes when buying groceries and never step into a hardware store ever again. But I was drawn to them none the less. The ten pound bags of yukon gold made my cry. I wandered the aisles of big box stores, feeling lost, but somehow drawn to the next lane to see if there was some other item that I really did need. When I did find something to purchase, I stared at my choices for what seemed an eternity, not wanting to fail and never confident enough about my own decisions. I needed to prove myself, but felt like I always set myself up to fail. The wrong size, shape or consistency doomed me every time. I returned the next week to try again though. And again.

This missing appendage was bigger than the spot on the bed and it amazed me how it grew with time. I now questioned food choices, TV shows, wall colours and more. I couldn't decide on a new bath tub, as what would happen if I picked wrong? How could I live with myself if I chose one roofer over another and the sky fell in?

Somehow the challenges kept coming though. Somehow I managed to choose. And one day I recognized that you weren't really missing anymore. You had been there all along, catching every tear that I shed. You applauded my choices and did your best to offer advice in the only way you could, through memories and slight of hand persuasions that I picked up on, but never quite realized. You sent me praise through a friend's touch or faith from your daughter's eyes. And occasionally, I found a piece of you that you left in my path  and I knew that you would be with me til the end.

That spot in the bed is no longer cold and I feel your smile on my shoulders strong. It is amazing that I was lost for so long, but slowly I awake and find I am missing no more.

♥♥♥

Again, not quite fiction, but drawn from a prompt at Mostly Fiction Mondays brought to us from Stranger and Me

the stories of life...

Downloading the stories of my life;

I see flashes of children, 

scents of flowers

and essences of home.

But,

Where am I to be seen?

Is it time to take a moment for me?

Go With The Flow

Adrift, I throw a stick into the trickling stream and watch it tumble away from me, like so many moments upon my path. It gets sucked down into the boiling rapids, pops back up farther downstream, and then drifts aimless on towards the future what-ifs. There are rocks along the path, that represent bumps and bruises to be had, but somehow the little vessel keeps going with the stream. A tip of the stick might get broken or bark peeled away on its watery journey, but as long as water flows, so too does the twig. How to contemplate such a thing, when I remain sitting on the side of the stream?

Even in our darkest days, when we get stuck in a swirling eddy, swept away by a downpour, or even worse, the stream threatens to dry up and leave us stranded, there is still hope. Something will come along to knock us out of our stasis and propel us forward again. Drought does not last forever, even when any amount of rain dances seem to fail. A deluge that may drown everything but the moment will eventually slacken, if we can but hold onto our faith. We need to trust in time, forward movement and the promise of life.

I have seen the seasons change my soul, but find myself still bobbing along in the river of life. At times, the river has seemed too wide to reach any shore, too torrential to ever dream of surviving the ride or too barren to ever have hopes of seeing another creature in sight. Should I be surprised that the bends in the stream have brought new scenery? Am I truly drifting or is this the path that I was placed upon by an unknown hand long ago.

However I got here, I think that the stream knows the journey well, whether I foresee the ripples along the surface or not. And as I arise from my perch on the streambed, I see my children laughing and running in circles just steps from me. They will have their own share of ripples through life, but perhaps my tears will make their flow easier somehow. Maybe my branch will block the path towards dangerous eddies or cut off dry streamlets that fade into nothingness. I just have to trust and go with the flow and realize that we aren't so adrift as we sometimes feel.

~^~^~^~

This might not be quite fiction, but it came from ideas presented over at Me & Stranger's blogs, as they "drift" along in the blogosphere. 

Counting Up, Counting Down

Well, well, well. Twould seem that there is some mischief afoot in the blogosphere. My dear friend "Me" has tagged me in a little game of quizzes, compliments of her friend Bubba. And surprise, surprise (to me anyway) I rose to the challenge and answered all her questions pretty quick. The harder part will be coming up with some new questions for the poor saps that I pick on to play along in the shenanigans, but I'll work on that.

So here are the rules of engagement;

The requirements for taking part:

1. You must post these rules
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
4. Tag eleven people with a link to your post
   
5. Let them know you tagged them

Drum roll please, as I roll out my answers....

1. Did you have an imaginary friend when you were a kid?  Details, please!
Umm, nope. Spent all my time with a nose in a book. They were my friends.

2.  Ever seen a ghost?  Met a psychic?  Had a prophetic dream?  Just about everyone, even if you don't really believe, has had some sort of supernatural experience.  What's one of yours?
That is worthy of a whole blog post I suspect. I am hoping that my dream from last week wasn't prophetic, but there have been moments when I wonder. While I have never had a Demi moment with Patrick, my hubby has made his presence known on more than one occasion.


3. What is your biggest addiction?
That is sadly too easy to answer - social media. I work, play and learn all day, every day

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
ME! And a writer. ;-)


5. What was the last concert you went to?
Iron & Wine in the fall with none other than the lady that tagged me "Me"


6. What was the last movie you watched?
That one is harder, unless you count kids movies. Watched "Shrek 2"  and "Finding Nemo" over Friday night pizza with my kids tonight. And caught "Soylent Green" for the first time about a month ago. It's People!!

7.  Beatles or Stones?  Why?
Ok, I suspect I will get yelled at for either answer, but I just don't care. I probably would have picked the Sex Pistols from that generation or maybe the Mamas & the Papas. I am just kind of lame that way, but could sing along with most songs from either band aforementioned in a pinch, I bet.


8. If you could be invisible for twenty-four hours, what would you do?
I think I have been invisible before. It is called not seeing others. I lived in that state for the better part of a year. It wasn't much fun. I much prefer the company of those that love me, surrounding me with occasional moments of alone time to balance life off.

9. You're on death row.  What do you request for your last meal?
Got to be lobster, with sides of king crag, scallops, shrimp, mussels and any other seafood you come across. Yum!

10. We all have a few regrets in life.  What's the number one thing you regret NOT doing?
Although I really wouldn't change it, I would love to know how my life would have turned out if I had gone to Egypt during my African Adventure. Hmm, dreamin...


11. You ran off and joined the circus.  What's your act?
Probably a clown, but maybe I would be the scantily clad lady holding a hula hoop for the lions to jump through?!


Taa-daa, I did it! Now the harder part of coming up with questions. Hmm...

1. You are all grown up now and can look back on the days of your youth fondly. What did you like best about your hometown?


2. Time to shake off the rose-coloured glasses. What did you like least?


3. Where is your favourite place to go now?


4. Which location makes you cringe at the thought of approaching it?


5. Who would you take with you take with you to #3? Why?


6. If you have to go there, who would you want to accompany you to the worst place in the world?


7. I am thinking of a colour. What is it?


8. Not very good at this are you? How about you just share what your favourite colour is then :)


9. Have you ever been in love? How did you really know? How did it make you feel?


10. You are sitting fireside around a campfire singalong. What song do you request and/or play?


11. Dare I ask about a bucket list? Whether you have one or not, what secret dream have you always held onto & do you think you will ever make it happen?

Well now, I managed to come up with a few questions of my own somehow. Cool! Now for the last part of this cursed task that has been sitting in my draft folder for far too long - to find people to include in the fun;

I would be interested to see what Ron, Shelley, Possum, Stranger, Mijayami, Me, Brian, PattiKen, G-Man, Monkey Man and YOU might come up with, but realize that some of these good folks have already played or just don't have the time. And as I am often in the time-constrained boat myself, I completely get it. Really, that's fine too, as me tossing out names has more to do with me being curious and caring about their two cents worth (might have to up that to a nickle I guess, as the penny has now been made defunct in Canada). Regardless, if you have the inclination to join in or throw an answer or two into your comment, I would be thrilled. If not, have a great weekend folks! I love you anyway!!

Spring is On The Rise

The smell of flowers fills the air 
A heady scent which none can compare. 
In colours red, yellow and pink,
a rainbow that I deign to drink.


Soft and bright upon my eyes
touching soul, I do surmise 
Smoothing ruffles left from dull
winter doldrums swept clean and full. 


Ah, sweet Spring is on the rise 
along with life's new enterprises
I dream a dream of new love found 
and awaken feeling its embrace profound. 


Smiles and sunshine fill me up 
enough to sate an old wound's crux 
And grief is left in winter's wake 
to remind us of the season's slake.


I shall not dwell in that cold house 
feeding a sorrow I do espouse 
For I now stand upon my feet 
facing a life that I do entreat 


with the smell of fresh flowers
in an air that empowers 
a new colourful life begins 
and is surrounded by nature's grins.


Now I hold pure blessings to Spring 
in all of its worth and all that it brings 
Naked I come and offer my soul 
and prostrate give thanks for a long journey's toll

~Peace~

More Music Monday

Well, well, I have come across another band that is new to me today. I fly you across the pond to Dublin this evening and introduce you to Jape. I need to explore them a little more, but I like what I hear so far. What do you think?

 

3-Ply Morning

The sound of birds chirping outside her open window reminded her that spring had arrived, seemingly overnight. She smelled fresh earth and new life in the breezy air. Pushing the curtains aside, something appeared not quite right with the seemingly pastoral scene though.

Spring had obviously awoken the funny bone of local teens as well…

%%%%%

Well G-Man, I had been living in a warmth-induced paradise, resplendent in yellows, greens, pinks and more until this bit of white appeared in the tree this week. I hope that some Mother gives her kids shit for using up the last role of 3-ply. It seems such a waste!

Ah, to be a teen again and delight in such juvenile pranks. After snapping a few pics I had to take it down though, as the forecast had been predicting rain. Nothing worse than trying to pull soggy t-p out of a tree (I would think anyway!).

I've been PAPERED!

heehee  =:-D

rebirth

I twisted in my sheets, trying to escape the visions in my mind. He was there. It was lies and I knew it, but my dreamscape refused to allow reality any sway. So, he knocked on my door. He told me that he had been thinking about me. With a sincerity in his voice, that didn't match his dark eyes, he told me that he missed me. He begged me to let him in. To let him do something for me, anything at all...


Before I knew what was happening, he was fixing my toilet (nevermind that there wasn't a thing wrong with it during daylight hours). He slathered it with a pink goop, that faded back to white before my eyes. Like he had done nothing at all. And he hadn't. But I knew the damage was done. He had broken my spirit once again. 


I screamed at myself to be strong. I demanded that I throw him out before things took a different turn. And then he was kissing me. I couldn't push away. My soul didn't respond, but my body refused to make him stop. Silent tears that only I could feel were all I could muster, as my panties hit the floor. He remembered, took his way with the shell of me and stepped back into the old pattern of leaving the way that he had come.


But love sat on the swing in the front yard. There was no movement, but I knew it was there and finally refused to let history run away again. This time I had to find truth, even if it killed the only good thing in my life. I introduced the man in the swing, to the man with his hand on a car door, ready to disappear into the night. My words were the only thing that broke a tension tight enough to kill.


The swing swayed in the silent breeze left behind. No words were spoken, but I knew that I had lost. The only thing that I could do wrong had come to pass. My fear of everything and nothing was realized, as I stood alone on the doorstep again. Loss was the only partner that I deserved. 


The morning sun burned away the fog, but the dream stayed with me. Loss, my familiar partner, deceiver and liar extraordinaire had won again. Was this a warning, an accusation of spirit or a guilt-induced escape to safer climes? My ravaged garden didn't know the answer, but offered solace in its rebirth. And warm arms that gently turned me around to spill into limitless eyes absorbed the tears that finally fell. The dream was not my reality. This was...

Another Music Monday

Another new discovery that makes my heart soar. The sound is simple, yet so full of beauty. Let me introduce a band from across the pond today (Bristol to be exact). Here is Message to Bears and their esoteric song "Wake Me".

 

Watch That Step!

Looking up didn't seem so bad. One foot in front of the other until you reached the top. How hard could that be? 


It wasn’t until I reached the top and looked down that there was a problem. All I had to do was let go, right? 


So why did my hands shake so badly?

*^^*^^*

I would have kept going higher and higher regardless of the height, rather than look down from the top of the rock wall. Man, who would have known I was afraid of heights?! Ack! I did manage to make it to the pinnacle three times though. Not bad for a first timer, if I do say so myself. The laughter from the bottom was a little embarrassing though, as I tried to pry myself off the side of the wall without having a panic attack. Gotta watch that last step G-Man!

Music Monday

Wow, I think I just fell in love. These guys are Canadian too!

Excuse me, but I'm going "Home" with Walk Off the Earth today.

55 Minutes, Plus 5

Arms up!

Keep moving!!

Almost there; you can do it!

Ok, arms down…

1, 2, 3…

Now arms way up!

Give it all you’ve got!!

Don’t forget to keep breathing.

That’s it.

Oh f---! Pant, pant, pant…

I’m going to sink to the bottom of the pool before the hour is up! Damn aquafit

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Made it to the end of class with a new instructor today, but suspect that my abs will be screaming at me tomorrow. And I do this for fun? What is wrong with me some days I wonder? Any guesses G-Man?

A Spring Breeze

A warm wind kisses 
the crab apple tree
shaking off the winter-
pinched memories.


I smile in the sunshine,
loose hair in the breeze
An awakening of new days
that are sure to please.


Old friends return
to spruce up a nest
cooing in the morning,
as their name doth suggest


Tiny sprigs of newness
Little signs of life.
If I look hard enough
everywhere tis rife


Now behold, I spy a mirror
and in it, mine own eyes.
They sparkle with a mystery
Rebirth, I cry surprised!


Floating on a moon beam
Dancing through the dawn
I'm dreaming of a fresh start
Fie old devils, begone!


I wrap myself in lover's threads
sustained on potions sweet
This spring I find a lease on life
a gift from time to entreat.

lost

icy orbs blue
flow through you
attached to my heart
through mine own eyes, what a start!


I see true
what I want from you,
but wonder if we ever part
whether you'll still be my sweetheart?


It all seems so new
as life dips, sways and brews.
Ach, I am smitten with your dashing art-
ful ways that promise eternal love to impart


my cold resolve at strength is lost
given freely, heedless of this cost

~~~

A far cry from 250 words. This poem is even farther from 500 and there doesn't really appear to be even a lick of fiction in there, but I managed to throw in "lost", which is the prompt for this week's new meme hosted by Stranger and Me. If you are interested in checking out their new writing challenge, every Monday they have a new prompt to inspire a "Mostly Fiction" piece. They would love it if you checked it out and be even happier if you joined in!

Thanks for stopping in
xo

cloud cover

daylight hours, in-

spiration, hope & energy 

swing madly to dusk,

as the world spins away and
clouds cover the rest of me

~

Winter Whimper

So hold onto your hats and check out the worst storm of the season!

Neighbouring cities forewarned that vehicles would be towed

(if left on the street overnight).

Radios announced the coming of the storm

and local Twitter streams 

were burning up 

in anticipation

of Armeggedon

Umm, yeah

I think there was more snow on the ground yesterday

before the storm hit.

It's raining at present

and I am okay with that.

Have a toasty weekend folks!

A Drip in Time

So does this mean that winter is done? 

Not likely, as the good folks in Illinois have some winter weather headed my way tonight. Just when I was beginning to believe that rascally groundhog that suggested that Spring was on the way, the weatherman declares that we will get 10-15cm of snow tonight and into tomorrow. I have seen more grass than snow this winter, but about once a week we get a taste of Arctic airs again. Apparently, its on the way for another blast!

The 2C we had today was pretty sweet though. Mmm Spring, I feel you around the corner! I even pruned my butterfly and burning bushes today, just to feel like a gardener again. It helps that I wrote an article about pruning trees in the winter yesterday, I guess. Nice to have the sunshine on my face though.

Back to the harsh reality that it is still February in Canada at present. There is a snowfall warning for Middlesex county that is threatening to be the biggest storm of the season! Oh joy! Back into the snowpants again!!

Maybe tomorrow I will post pictures of my winter wonderland and the transformation that we go through. Excuse me while I go throw some of the mud-caked mitts into the next load of laundry in anticipation. Can't forget my warm woolly hat!

So, what's the weather like in your neck of the woods?

Meagan

throat aches
as tears roll down
to touch old wounds
and scars that forever remain

four years ago
erased all new moments from
the time that should have been
your life

but a soul
is not erased
by circumstances
beyond my control

alive
you live on in
tears, hugs and souls
that carry your name forever

and you remain
in hearts and lives
that refuse to let you walk alone
through a valley not dark in death

Blessings to you
smiling through 15 year-old eyes
and hands that whisper gentle
along our souls forever still

peace to you Meagan
on the anniversary of your death
and a day we celebrate
your life all over again

Caught in a Stare

'tis Valentine's Day
and I should share some words
you all know by now
that I'm falling hopelessly (so absurd)
but with these feelings full
and time stuffed to match
I fear my writings are lean
and creativity gone through the hatch.
Alas and alack a'day
and I don't care
because this stranger's got a hold of me
caught tight in his stare
Ah, so sweet and now my story is up
Yes, I've prayed at Eros' feet and am happy in full worship 

♥♥♥

Happy Valentine's Day my friends!

Saturday's Email of the Week: Belly Laughs

Saturday's Email of the Week

So today is going to be a super crazy day. There will be yoga, birthday parties and babysitters to collect. I might be able to sleep in (yes, this was written last night), but once I am in motion, watch out! In fact, life seems to have sped up loads since the holidays. I suspect that you just may have guessed that by my sparse writing here. I have also had some new company that seems to have kept me entertained and away fromt he computer in my down time.

(Insert smiley face here)

So since I am smiling already and excited about going out for dinner tonight, I am going to share some smiles with you too. Nothing heavy or hardcore, just some honest to goodness belly laughs that tickled me. Hope you have a fabulous weekend all! 

shine on

o' silvery moon

I am master of you to-

night. shine on

First Stop on the Author Trail

The audience shifted in their seats. Excitement crackled round the room and filled the air with expectation. Gentle murmurs were heard in anticipation of the stories to come. A throat was cleared. A chair scraped.

Then silence...

This was it. It was my first stop on the author tour.

"Allow me to introduce...
        Rylie's Mom!"

*~~~*

Isn't this how all famous authors get their start? They get ten minutes of fame on the kindergarten circuit before fading into oblivion once again. Well if this was it for me, I went out with a blaze of glory that included take home gifts of personalized fan mail in the form of cheetah pictures by all my baby's classmates. Plus,  they hung on every word of my African tales, with eyes like saucers on the gory details.

And darn it all, it felt good! 

Heck, I even managed that riveting account in 55 words (in case you didn't notice), so go tell G-Man & see what he has to say! Any bets it will be something about a Kick-Ass weekend? ☺

CT2T6KNGN4JC

cast-off

scent of your

heart  

lingers...

touches skin, mouth,

  soul

and I am alive 

fighting 

to flow among these

feelings that 

wash my 

fears

in 

balms of 

tender-

ness

so unaccustomed

to love, lust

and life

for

m-e

me

and I wrap

the arms of your 

cast-off shirt

tighter a-

round

shoulders

lest yesterday's 

burdens remember

forgotten tears

anew

♦

relentless you

whirling stormy days

hemmed in by starry nights

relentless you

~

Saturday's Email of the Week: Namaste

Saturday's Email of the Week

Hello Saturday. Where did you come from? The week has melted away and left me with a weekend of activities to look forward to. Tonight I will be going to a local twitter, beer-tasting event where I will perhaps get a little networking in. Or at least try a new beer or two. Not too many though, as I have to take the girls to a birthday party tomorrow and have been told not to show up useless. I have to handle a glue gun, so therefore need to be on.

Hmm, hopefully I won't glue my fingers together...

So, this week I share a short video that struck my fancy. A friend sent me this and it just tickled my yoga bones. I have been lapse in my practice over the last six months, but returned to the mat recently. This felt like an affirmation that I am on the right path with re-embracing a yogic balance (in a weird kind of way). The scary thing is that I completely know and get everything she says. Does that make me a freak? Ha! Maybe, but I am okay with that!

I am off to the gym now for the kids' yoga class! Maybe grab a glass of wheat grass after (probably NOT!).

Namaste my friends! Have a blessed weekend.  ☺

In A Dream

His smile fills the room and charms all that pass. Eyes sparkle and make the world feel like no one else exists. Words of love float on daybreak.

Until he turns from me in a dream that leaves you gasping for breath and reaching for the phone. What horrors lie unspoken that gives nightmare wing? 

*/*

Fifty-Five words of caution for those of you daring enough to write a story for G-Man's Friday Flash Fiction. 

Music For The Soul

I think I have fallen in love...  

Saturday's Email of the Week: Beautiful People

Saturday's Email of the Week

Someone sent me this clip, asking if I felt it was true. For those of you unfamiliar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, she is considered the expert on grief studies and set the standard on the five stages of grief (in case you are curious, they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You don't necessarily go through all of them, but you might get hit with waves from any of them at any stage of your grief). I have read a lot of grief books and have come across her and her theories more than once. She has merit in her thoughts, but her rigid stages have been debated.

While I had not read this quote before, I thought I would share it with you today. What do you think? Do you have to suffer, struggle or battle strife to transform your soul into a beautiful thing? I can recognize some of these traits in myself, but was it due to my struggles or was it in me before? Can't anyone have a compassionate soul? I like to think I was compassionate before my grief journey, but was it ingrained in my soul early due to the loss of my father at an early age? I know that I get swarmed by children on the playground, as soon as I am spied. Is that because these young humans see my gentle soul and can't help but respond to it?

Well, I just might ponder this a little more on my road trip this afternoon, but I am curious what you think. Would you care to weigh in?

Thoughts?

The Pick-Up

Arms swinging wildly, she swam. Desperate to escape her thoughts, she pushed off the wall and struck out for the far end. Blurred vision forced her to pause, but she pressed on again and again.

Finally limp, she pulled herself from the pool, only to be met by the young man’s gaze.

“Come here often?”

*???*

And with that our heroine ran screaming for G-Man's place to escape those few 55 words. But hey,

"It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!"

The Trip Home

The last of my days in Africa slipped through my fingers. We returned to Cape Town and I managed to sneak in a few more visits here and there. I visited with my cousin Greg, went out to my aunt’s house for a last cup of tea with her and enjoyed a final braai with my uncle’s clan. It was heart-wrenching to let go of the continent, that I felt like I was just beginning to get to know, but it was also time. I had been gone for ten months and my homeland called to me. I longed to see my mother’s face, to feel my sister’s hug and to hear my friend’s excited banter. To know that this new continent that I had come to love would be so far away in a matter of days was bewildering, but acceptance tamed my qualms. It had to.

A phone call arranged a layover in Germany to visit with an old dear friend on my return flight. I would have a week to decompress and adjust to life away from Africa, before winging back to Canadian shores. It all felt so lacklustre, but I tried to muster up a little excitement at the prospect of seeing a long-lost friend and catching up on her life and times. I wondered though, how I would process stepping onto European soil after my earthy African adventures that spanned the southern half of the continent. Europe would be like a different world. Of course Canada would be an adjustment all over again the week later.

For now though, I tried to imprint every image, taste, feel and smell of this land that had gotten under my skin. The concept of leaving was akin to abandoning a homeland that I dearly loved and feared I would never see again. Africa was home to my soul and I ached at the thought of leaving. The fates refused to give me reason to stay though and I begrudgingly packed the last of my things, adding last minute trinkets to my battered backpack to keep Africa close forever.

On August 29^th the last full moon arose to wish me adieu to the continent of my dreams. The following day, I drove to the airport with kin that would forever hold a piece of my heart. With a few strings pulled, I was upgraded to the luxury of Business Class and slid into the ample seat with a sad sigh. A flight attendant materialized with a champagne glass topped off with orange juice and a smile. I peered out the window of the plane, tipped my glass to Table Mountain and let a tear slide down my cheek in farewell. I was going home, but leaving a heart-space behind. All the moments that I had lived in this amazing continent seared into my brain as the jumbo jet lifted off the ground. Just like my first flight, there would be no sleep on the return journey. With aching soul, I left a piece of me behind, but more importantly, took a bigger piece of Africa with me. It would always be, and continues to this day, to be a part of my heart. 

Friday the 13th

With a siren in the not too far distance, the school bell rang. I thought nothing of it, although the bell seemed to be early. A quick look at my watch confirmed this, but the children were gone by the time I looked up. All of them. With doors swinging shut behind them. Firmly. Only tracks remained in the fresh snow to urge me to get on with the day before it got too sloppy to drive in.

An hour later and I was glued to the radio. I desperately scanned the local twitter feed for news.

"Code Yellow - School is on holding pattern"

     ~LOCKDOWN~

and my babies inside

my life! my God.

"40-something year old male, possibly armed, over a dozen police vehicles surrounding the scene. Refusing to communicate."

This scene so close to my babies' school that they are locked in for safety. But what safety did I have from the panic that threatened to overwhelm? Tears, friends and prayer. For several excruciating hours. Walking round, and round, and round again, wearing grooves in the floor. Leaving a trail of fear behind me, only to stumble upon it on my next tour around the kitchen.

"Have a tea for your nerves."

"Breathe"

Distractions that didn't work, because I didn't want them to. All I wanted was for it to end. And end now.

And it did. Safely and without harm to anyone, aside from 600 some-odd parent's nerves, plus teachers and their loved ones. Ten hours worth of stand-off. This on Friday the 13th. This after 5 bank robberies in a single day this week, a Hell's Angel biker shot (and 3 others injured), plus several rub 'n tugs torched. This after a full moon that has obviously made my part of the world go a lot too crazy.

Is it Friday yet? Can I call it a day? Can I sign out on life for this week?

My babies lie in their beds sleeping, unruffled by the events of the day. They were curious why I showed up early to sign them out. And why other kids were leaving too. They wondered why I cried all the way home and hugged them fierce once the door was locked. They thought it was a hoot to start the weekend early. Movies, popcorn, pizza and a fire? Sweet!

Sweet; the feel of my life blood tucked under my arms, as we snuggled in our blanket cocoon with blinds drawn to keep out the world.

Breathe. Remember to breathe. Remember that tomorrow is a new day and this one is now done.

The Moon

   "The moon"
you say,
   was magnificent...


but I was too scared
to look it in the eye
for falling into your heart
and never turning back

I am vulnerable
to her advances
my delicate moonshadow
- have been before

Ethereal ebb and flow that
connects distant ends
of this small world
and maybe even you and I


You talk of words
caring, sharing and more
with a tear
- mine or yours?
Certainly my fears

now the rain delicately drips
washes away this first sweet moment
that could have been
should have been
and was

Looking North

“The spring flowers are a sight to behold,” promised my uncle.

He didn’t have to sell me on one last excursion though. The suggestion alone was all that was required to convince me, and with that I was travelling again. This time, I was in the back seat of my aunt and uncle’s car though and we were headed to Springbok to stay with my cousins for a few days. I would not have to carry my pack, nor stand at the side of the road in hopes that a ride would soon materialize. And I certainly did not have to worry about anyone’s hands or where they tried to put them. That was an adventure much more to my liking.

Namaqualand was well worth the drive as well. Just as my uncle had promised, the desert had blossomed into a multi-coloured patchwork of blooms. Orange, purple, yellow and white flowers filled the eye, as far as one could see. We wandered up on the dusty hillside behind Anne and Pieter’s house, but the trip to Namaqua National Park blew me away. Everywhere I looked, the daisies turned their pretty faces to the sun and I was in awe. The normal brown and dusty green shoots that struggled to exist during the rest of the year, exploded into a brief, brilliant rainbow after winter rains gave them a fleeting taste of life. Just as quickly though, those blossoms would be gone, burned away by the hot South African summer sun. During those few days in August, I was blessed to behold the desert miracle of life for its season of rebirth and renewal. The pictures I snapped were flat compared to the beauty I was surrounded by. I took them anyway though.

One prickly plant drew my eye in the midst of the blanketed foliage. Where most of the other plants were tucked close to the ground, Pachypodium namaquanum stood tall, if not quite erect. When I asked my uncle about the curious cacti, he gave one of his hearty laughs and launched into a tale of folklore about it.

“Do you see the bend at the top of it,” he asked.

“Of course, but what of it,” I wondered.

“So the story goes, a local tribe was being driven South by another bloodthirsty tribe. Attacked and suffering in numbers, they retreated from their homeland and made their way towards the Richtersveld mountain desert. In grief, a few of their numbers turned back to gaze North towards their former homeland. The Gods felt sorry for these poor folks and turned them into halfmens, the plants you see there. In that way, they could always gaze towards their homeland and find some small comfort in the view,” he explained. “The halfmens always grow with their tips bending north.”

I listened to his tale and stared at the tree. It was a delightfully sad tale and one that resonated with me, as I gazed North towards my own homeland. The picture taken that day will stay with me forever.

Saturday's Email of the Week: With Gratitude...

Saturday's Email of the Week

The holidays have come and as of Monday will be gone again. They certainly shook up schedules, routines and the like while they were brewing and playing out. That is how it is though and I guess I wouldn't change it. So while this week more poetry flowed out of me than has in a while, work related prose was limited. That included my trips to Africa. Hmm, I sense a link. I guess we need to pay the bills somehow though, so what will be, will be. Monday and a return to schedules will happen soon enough.

In the mean time, baking, presents, cheerful time spent with friends and family has left me tightly in Christmas Land and far from Africa. For that I am a little sad, but tomorrow is always a new day. With my African tale almost at a close, I wonder whether I should just finish it off solo, saving the ending for you folks for the hard copy when it comes out or continue through my last few days on the continent with you safely stowed in my dufflebag. Hardly fair, especially for those of you who have been with me from when I sat waiting for the call. And really, without you this tale might not have seen fruition at all, if not for your steady encouragement. That is truth and if nothing else comes from this writing experience here in this online sphere, I thank you all who stop by here regularly, on occasion or just at random. I am at the culmination of a lifelong dream and you helped to make it possible. On my own, this book would have made it to page 12 or 21 at best. Whether you have read every page or not, you dear folks have been along the bumpy trail of almost 200 pages now. In fact, once pictures are added and proper page breaks are tucked in place, I am pretty sure this little adventure memoir will actually be a sale-able length. Again, I question whether I could have done this myself and knowing my track record with stick-to-it-iveness, somehow doubt it. Bless you all. I am truly grateful.

As it is Saturday, and I believe I have missed a few of them over the last couple of weeks, I am going to dig through my inbox and see if there is anything worthwhile to share with you folks today. Give me a second...

...

...

...

Well, as I seem to be all about gratitude and reflection today, how about this feel-good one about Feng Shui. It came from my Mother and could have been deleted without even reading more than the first line, but I actually took the time to scan, then read through them all. You certainly don't have to read them, but you might find one or two that resonate with you that you can take into the rest of your day. Regardless, thank you for being a part of my life today.

Peace,
Katherine

Feng Shui


ONE.  Give  people more than they expect and do it  cheerfully.

TWO.  Marry  a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get  older, their conversational skills will be as  important as any other. 
THREE.  Don't  believe all you hear, spend all you have or  sleep all you want. 
FOUR.  When  you say, 'I love you,' mean  it.  
FIVE...  When  you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the  eye.. 
SIX.  Be  engaged at least six months before you get  married. 
SEVEN.  Believe  in love at first  sight.  
EIGHT.  Never  laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have  dreams don't have much.  
NINE...  Love  deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but  it's the only way to live life completely.  
TEN..  In  disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.  
ELEVEN.  Don't  judge people by their  relatives.  
TWELVE.  Talk  slowly but think  quickly.  
THIRTEEN. When  someone asks you a question you don't want to  answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to  know?' 
FOURTEEN.  Remember  that great love and great achievements involve  great risk. 
FIFTEEN.  Say  'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.  
SIXTEEN.  When  you lose, don't lose the  lesson.  
SEVENTEEN.  Remember  the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for  others; and Responsibility for all your actions.  
EIGHTEEN.  Don't  let a little dispute injure a great friendship.  
NINETEEN.  When  you realize you've made a mistake, take  immediate steps to correct  it.  
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone.  The caller will hear it in your voice  
TWENTY-  ONE. Spend  some time alone.

Fallen Angels

fallen angels

trapped between heaven

and guttersnipe's heels

on the way to nowhere

and tomorrow's hopes,

dreams and fears.

yea, thou I

fly

on fashionable highs

at the end

of this day

I curl around

my solitary pillow dreams

and leave

deposits of soulful

sorrows, wet

as my promise

that

tomorrow

is a new

day

What are your dreams for a new day? Go mention them to G-Man. He will listen, offer commentary in 55 words, then book! Sorry G, I will have to work on that central plotline, but this is 55 words! 8:01 and posted!

Touch me

Touch me

and I melt into a thousand tears

That tear a heart like razor blades

Asunder -

again

Forgotten feelings flood

Through this tough veneer

Varnished by solitary moments

So proud of strength

In empty eyes yet

Crack

-ed

Fairy tale dreams

Of love and lust

My confused likes

that still

devastate

This state of mind

Mine to torture

What once was pure

Of thought, deed

or at least that

Is what I care

to believe

Nay, today

I play the game.

Toss smiles in the hat

Bat pretty eyes

and feed my soul

To the devil

Anew

Arrivederci

Thanks for the drink,

sweetheart …

Splat!

Gotcha!

You 

have been hit 

with the first snow ball of 

winter! Took until January 3rd for it 

to feel anything akin to seasonal here.

And while I might have lost 

this war, the snow 

has just be-

gun...