One Good Reason

One Good Reason: A Memoir of Addiction and Recovery, Music and Love

Written by Séan McCann and Andrea Aragon, © 2019, Nimbus Publishing

One Good Reason

"I carried my heavy secret around for thirty years because I was ashamed of myself and afraid to tell my parents what happened. Over time this shame grew into anger and eventually into a sense of immense betrayal. Each year it took more and more booze and drugs to keep my hidden suffering at bay. My dark secret was slowly eating away at me from the inside, like a caged animal trying to get out." 

Séan McCann was sexually abused by a priest—a trusted member of his community and personal friend of his family—when he was 15 years old. He told no one, until standing in front of an audience in London, Ontario on September 26, 2014. That was nearly three years after he got sober, but was preceded by thirty years of hard drinking, excessive drug use, and the mental struggle to keep those memories at bay. It almost killed him. 

Andrea Aragon met him along the voyage, as Séan rocked out the tunes of Great Big Sea on a twenty-year-long party tour. She had her own demons, but the two of them clicked. Together, they made a life, but that life didn't erase the secrets or stop the drugs and alcohol from flowing. Somehow Andrea held onto the love that brought her and Séan together throughout many dark and confusing years. That love and a tribe of support buoyed her up and helped her remember the reason why she was there in the first place. Sometimes all it takes is one good reason.

And together they share their journey through addiction, abuse, music, recovery, and love with us.

My Reasons

Full disclosure. I have always been a big fan of Great Big Sea and love their rollicking party tunes. I saw them more than once on their constant tours and was always excited to be part of the joyous event. The energy in their music is intense, and their live shows never disappointed.

I even met Séan one evening during the Home County Music & Art Festival in London, shortly after he left Great Big Sea. He had just played a solo set on the main stage and was now part of the audience enjoying the next musicians to hit the stage. I noticed him standing behind my children and I.

"Do you know who this is?" I asked them excitedly. "It's Séan McCann. He was just onstage. And he was one of the lead singers of Great Big Sea!"

He smiled and said hello. We chatted briefly and then I thanked him for sharing his music with us. He was gracious and real, in a way I always appreciate in celebrities. Musicians might hold epic rock and roll status, but they are people with lives of their own, and stories that mirror anyone's.

Those stories are often the power behind their lyrics. The words get inside you and make you feel like the musician knows your intimate details. Ordinary Day was one such song for me after my husband's death.

"In this beautiful life, there's always some sorrow
And it's a double-edged knife, but there's always tomorrow
It's up to you now if you sink or swim,
Just keep the faith that your ship will come in.
It's not so bad...

I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say... it's all right, it's all right"
~ lyrics form Ordinary Day by Great Big Sea

Yes, there was always tomorrow. And I learned to live with that double-edged knife, as awful as it felt in the moment. What I didn't realize though, was how double-edged that party was for Séan or how his story would mirror mine again later.

Séan was trying to drown his past; to forget it in a haze of drink and drugs. But life doesn't work that way. You can try to ignore past hurts, but they have a way of integrating themselves into every fibre of your being, and shaping everything. A friend recently revealed to me that he was sexually abused as a child. That revelation clarified and changed everything I knew about him. He too hid in plain sight, his pain so obvious to see, now that the secrets were cleared away. I am beginning to understand the many bad decisions he made—drinking, drugs, poor relationships, emotional detachment—in light of the trauma he went through. The journey to heal has only just begun and, in light of our current pandemic, seems harder to navigate. But as I turned the last few pages in One Good Reason, I have hope that like Séan, hopefully my friend too can heal.

Even more than that, I see a message to the wider world. Séan found healing through the power of music, but more importantly, through honest human connection. The journey isn't always easy. Sod that, it is damned hard! The whole world needs healing and connection right now. But hold faith that our ship will come in. It's not so bad...


But the book... Would I recommend it? Yes. I loved the reflection between Andrea and Séan. You see both sides of a life lived. We are offered more understanding in how the hurt and harm of secrets buried can radiate. But you also see the pure strength that can come from holding those secrets out and letting them go. It is far from easy and the road stretches farther than from where you can see. But you don't need to be alone. And that is reason enough to carry on.

Thank you for sharing your words, your music, and your love Séan and Andrea.

Advice for Lovers: Author Interview with Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek

Ah, sweet love. The wisp of tender passion is in the air, as Valentine's Day creeps ever closer. With its imminent approach, many people dwell on love and how to attract and/or keep it, I myself within that poignant crowd. What gentle fools we are...

As much as it would be nice to think it's as easy as an arrow into the heart from Cupid's deft bow, don't fool yourself. Love isn't quite as easy as that. Even Cupid has a harder time these days, despite us living in a time of avid "social" media. Ironic that in many ways, our social media use has actually left us even lonelier than we were before.

It doesn't have to be that way though and I am lucky enough to have a few love experts willing to share some tips on how to fall in love. I recently reviewed How to Fall in Love, and authors Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek have a few tips and advice for the singletons amongst us. Help me welcome Dalma and Richard to A New Day!

Fall in Love with Richard and Dalma

Richard Marek and Dalma Heyn

Being single in the digital age is hard work. There are dating apps to fill out, finding the perfect pics to show off your fun and quirky side, and then all those profiles to swipe through. And that’s just to hopefully get a date or two! How is anyone expected to find and nourish true love via 1” pixelated photos and brief blurbs that leave you feeling flat? Do you have any tips for the lovelorn in 2019? 

Being single IS hard work—much like an audition for a part you don’t even know you want but nevertheless have to keep returning to for call-backs. The “perfect pics” to show off your “fun and quirky side”—plus all other attempts to present the “you” you want a potential date to “get” at first glance—it’s exhausting.

In all the years I’ve written dating columns, I’ve just one serious piece of advice—and it’s mostly for women. (A man seems able simply to be ambulatory and under age 80, and not a serial killer to be considered a good date.)  But women are caught in the age-old “I’m the perfect woman” trap. Here’s how to get out of it: YOU are looking for someone, and that fact is more important than presenting yourself to be looked at. Think of it as looking out of your eyes, not looking at yourself through the culture’s. By that I mean, do not try to please this mysterious group of dates out there—instead be clear about what pleases YOU. This little switch sounds easier than it is. I’ve spoken with some women who aren’t sure what they want and so naturally fall back on ways to be wanted. But focusing on YOUR desires will go far to make filling out these dating apps more of a pleasure than a drag.

Excellent Advice! Knowing yourself is half the challenge when looking for a new mate. What do you really want in a partner? Do some soul-searching first before expecting someone to fit a role which you don't even know the parameters.

Okay, so say we’ve been out on a date or two. Fantastic, but how do we take it to the next level? 

Going from a first or second date to “the next level,” as you put it, is more a matter of intuition. If you’re both feeling good about seeing each other, and are both shy, it just takes a nudge—in words and In person. Before you leave your last date, you say, “This is fun. I hope we can do it again.”  Responsive but not too eager, and hardly requiring much of an attention span.  Your date’s response will either be, “Yeah, let’s go for pizza at that new place on Saturday, okay?” Or it won’t elicit more than a grunt. Either way, you’re ahead. It’s either moving forward or you’re moving on.  

PS: It may take a lot of these deadly attempts at connection, but, as my mother used to say, it only takes two minutes to meet someone and know it’s right. So you have to plow through.

It makes sense that it takes work to find someone you truly connect with. Not everyone is a perfect match to you, but there is someone out there for everyone. Keep looking! And once you find them, keeping working to grow that love every day. 

One of those ways is with a simple note sharing your heart's desires—a love letter. Are love letters still valid and valued today? Do you have tips Dalma and Richard on how readers can create the perfect love letter for their beloved? Or even win your 2019 Love Letter contest!

Love letters are more valid, and more valued, than ever. Attention spans may have hit rock bottom, but that doesn’t mean a quick “Love ya! ” is going to catch anyone’s attention, short as it may be, unless you’re speaking to your dog-walker. Just as desire needs space, time, and room to breathe in order to expand into love, so do words between lovers need space, time, room and thought in order to express love. Part of the joy of sending AND receiving a love letter is that it does take time. Precious time devoted to revealing a precious emotion—one that no little heart-faced emoji can possibly express. 

All letters are valid and valued—when was the last time your received a thank-you note via snail-mail? An apology, written out with care and heartfelt concern for reparation? A letter can say, and mean, everything. And a love letter, of course, means more than anything.

You seem to know a lot about love letters and what should go into them. Is there anything that star-crossed lovers should steer clear of when expressing their undying love to their sweetheart? What are some love letter don’ts?

We could give you a list of don’ts for business letters, personal letters, apology letters….but we have no such list for love letters. Unlike the former, which require certain formats and sign-offs; proper margins and good grammar and correct placement of addresses and dates, the love letter is totally without rules.  It’s as free an expression of an overwhelming feeling that you’ll ever have, an emotion that simply must be expressed.  Your way. It’s YOUR expression, in YOUR voice, with YOUR wit and soulfulness and charm.  You love this person and can’t bear holding in your feelings one more moment., grammar, punctuation, be damned. All that’s required is that it be pure; it mustn’t have any other agenda than to express your love. Our sense of how we’ll judge the letters is simply that we feel what the writer feels!

Hear that readers? You don't need a Masters degree in Love OR University level English to express what your heart feels. Just let those heartfelt emotions flow!

I recently read ‘How to Fall in Love’, co-authored by you both. Did collaborating on this novel bring you closer together? What inspired you to write a love story orchestrated by Cupid, but bungled through by two unlikely characters – Eve, a former ballet star cum maple sugar bush owner, and Evan, an anthologist and car enthusiast? Are the lessons they learned along the way important for anyone contemplating love?

We were inspired to write the book by just what you so wisely point out in question 1: That everyone is overwhelmed with dating apps, texting, sexting, tagging on Facebook, getting the right makeup highlighter for Instagram…..that we wondered how two people not seriously wired got together.  And since we wanted our question to be presented in a light-hearted way, we thought of the old-fashioned idea of Cupid—how his arrow, when it hit, engendered love in one person.  And the rest just flowed. 

Richard is an editor, so an anthologist was a fun way to present an editor, and I know a bit about dancers. We both know a lot about second chances, and the difficulties of making love happen when two lives are so different from each other’s. It was a great collaboration and we had so much fun!

What about you Dalma and Richard? How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship? Any tips on those struggling to find or keep love vibrant and meaningful in their lives?

We have been blessed with a kind of ease between us; we don’t “work” on our relationship as much as we keep in touch about what we’re feeling.  When trust builds over the years, so does empathy for one’s partner.  Even when we’re furious at each other, we can each feel, somehow, what the other is going through, and find ourselves letting it go faster than we did when we were younger and had to make our points really clear.

Thank you so much for speaking with me Richard and Dalma. I appreciate all your advice and inspiration on love and keeping passion alive and well in today's fickle digital age. We need to slow down and take the time to know ourselves and others better if we are to keep our connections strong. Your enthusiasm for reaching that level of connectedness is heartening.

If you want to connect with Dalma and Richard, you can find them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and on their website. Don't forget to take a look at their love letter contest. You can win a rose gold Tiffany Paloma Picasso love ring, plus a hand-written, framed copy of your love letter. 

Happy Valentine's week my friends. May love find you and keep you in a special place, even if it's just falling in love with yourself all over again. 

❤️❤️❤️

ABOUT AUTHORS DALMA HEYN & RICHARD MAREK:

Husband and wife team Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are the authors of  How to Fall in Love , a provocative love story for the digital age. Heyn is the author of the New York Times best-seller The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, Marriage Shock and Drama Kings. Her books, published in 35 countries, have been best-sellers both here and abroad. Richard Marek is one of the most accomplished book editors and publishers of his generation, working with writers James Baldwin, Thomas Harris, and Robert Ludlum, among many others. He is the author of Works of Genius and has ghostwritten a number of best-sellers.

How to Fall in Love

How to Fall in Love by Dalma Heyn & Richard Marek, © 2018, The Story Plant

Valentine's Day is coming up fast. That leads some to think about love and how to attain it. In today's digital age though, many have become jaded on Cupid's domain. We've all got baggage and sometimes it seems too much to make us viable in today's shallow dating pool. But Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are betting otherwise with their new novel set to be released this week.

Cupid is in trouble with the big guy. Jove figures the world doesn't need help from Eros, what with the vast majority of people dialing into Tinder hookups, sexting, and love in the dot com age. Nobody looks to Cupid anymore, so it's time for him to go.

Of course Cupid, isn't convinced and gambles that he can prove that real love still exists. He just needs a likely couple to prove it, and a bit of time. Enter Evan Cameron—anthologist and car enthusiast—and Eve Golyakovsky—prima ballerina, cum maple sugar bush owner. An unlikely couple who happen to live on opposite sides of the US. Jove gives Cupid seven months; no magic, potions, nor tricks. Love must be won on its own merit, with only the slightest manipulations from the love god. Heaven help all those who dream of romance in their future!

While Cupid flits in and out of the story, the bulk of the novel is all about Evan and Eve. Like so many of us, they have both been in previous relationships with mixed acclaim. Neither one found overwhelming love. Both thought it was their fault. But Heyn and Marek manipulate us to believe that maybe there is that special someone out there for everyone. A special someone who might not be perfect in all ways, but once you find them, is willing to move heaven and earth to be a part of your life.

How do you fall in love? Sometimes fate intervenes on occasion, but we need to open to it. While the novel follows the ups and downs of Eve and Evan's personal uncertainties and previous preconceived notions, ultimately, it asks us to be honest with ourselves. You don't have to be perfect to fall in love, but you have to be willing to make time and space for someone in your life. And that includes face-time. If we are to learn anything from this simple love story, it's that texts, emails, and even phone calls can be imperfect modes for communication. If you dare to give love a chance, do it one on one and with your whole heart.

So to hopefuls and romantics out there, good luck finding and keeping love. And good luck to Dalma and Richard with their new novel, which you can find on Amazon.

The Love Poems of Rumi

Happy Valentine's Day! What better day than today to take a look at Rumi's love poetry, as translated by Nader Khalili. The folks at the Quarto Books were kind enough to send me a copy of this beautiful book of poetry to review. Today I share it with you.

Love Poems

The Love Poems of Rumi; as translated by Nader Khalili, © 2015, Wellfleet Press

Reviewing a book of poetry is a tricky thing. Poetry is personally subjective. It is full of emotions, personal reflections, and poetic turns of phrase that spring forth from a poet's heart. Who is a critic to call it good or bad?

Such is my challenge.

Add to that, the fact that this is a translation from Rumi's works, and the prospect is daunting at best. Sure, I can comment on the artistic license that Nader takes in not including any capitalization or punctuation [Do I attribute that to Nader or Rumi? I would think Nader, as Rumi wrote in Persian, which is a whole different alphabet. Nader offers the English, therefore makes his call on translation and interpretation]

Regardless, I personally find 'i' distracting from the poetry as a whole. I want to correct the text every time I see the lower case letter. My sritique, but certainly not enough to take away my pleasure in these poems. If anything, I suspect we are to put less stock in 'i' the self, versus the bigger concept of capital L Love. Love is so much bigger than mere i in the grand scheme of things.

So perhaps we should delve into the text then, as Love is certainly the theme of the poetry inside the ornate pages of this book. Translation aside, the words of Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī are enough to sweep anyone away with their beautiful and heartbreaking prose that reaches through the ages. For despite the fact that Rumi lived from 1207-1273, I am sure that many can relate to these universal feelings we ache from; the pathos of Love.

anyone who is not in love
cannot be as light as a soul
like moon and stars
cannot be orbiting restlessly
hear it from me
as the final word
a flag can never dance
with no air and no wind

I would be remiss, if I did not share
some of the beautiful murals
found within the pages of the book

Ah, do we not all dream of the mythical ideal of love to give us air to breathe and stars in the sky. It is love that makes it so...

love is

a mirror

you see nothing

but your reflection

you see nothing

but your real face

Should we seek outside ourselves to find this love though? Reading this and several other poems leads me to conclude the answer is not necessarily so. It can be found within and without. Love is joy and suffering. It is a journey we are privileged to be a part of.

Wise council fair Rumi. Thank you for these interpretations Khalili.

But lest we give up on earthly love, and the boundless challenges that come with it, there are still many lines which offer hope to those still looking for love this Valentine's Day. The journey may be long and hard, but Master Rumi suggests the path is necessary and infinitely worth it. Khalili gathers these thoughts together and counters them in subsequent pages, but the message rings out throughout—Love is...

There are so many more lovely images, but I will share these last lines for auspicious lovers to be today. May you find your sweetheart friends! I have many more poems to ponder, as I wander along my own journey towards Love.

this heart will one day

find you a sweetheart

this soul will one day

take you to the beloved

seize your pain as a blessing

your pain will one day

lead you to healing

frost touches

I'm
waiting
for the day
when the frost melts
and sweet life unfurls,
bursts magically forth
from my cold, tight
embrace.

I'm waiting...
to embrace magic
frost touches
furled life
melted
love
cold

wait
today is
life, sweet
blooming buds
melting heart
Magic...

missing home

Until we parted

I didn't know what home was

the feel

rhythm, sway and dance

of us two

moving as one

thoughts started by you

and caught in my head

shared as only we can.

A gift.

Do you think ...

oh yes!

Should we try ...

always worth it, aye.

two sets of eyes

in unison

capture the world

as one

I didn't know I missed your

jokes, jaunts and joy

til the pauses

filled up with your breath

no longer embraced me

with your glance 

you are home

I need no roof to tell me that

you are where my comfort lies

you are where I smile and cry

you are all up to the skies

I wish the world could compromise

and give us a bigger piece of it

alas

the only answer is 

to hold out

for our tomorrows

and hope

that our hearts survive

Home

I will see you soon

~

sunset on the road

Mizpah

11 - the number of years we would have had
what would have happened?
where would we be?
would it have been deserving of steel?
or would we have survived babies?

7 - the number of years you've been gone
so many moments
lost before their time
I've stumbled and reworked them
a life that should have been our prime

3 - the number of years we had
marriage was a gift
one I didn't quite  foresee
you gave me all your everything
your love for eternity

∞
I never will forget
the days when you were mine
I still live them every day
our hearts will always twine

Happy Anniversary my love. We would have been married 11 years today. While our days were stolen early, I'll always celebrate the time I had with you and take joy in your living memory left to me in our children. Blessings to you sweet man.

We've got mizpah...

waves

I dwell behind flash-
ing cursors
so as not 
to upset 
my
place,
space in
an uncertain
universe of married
thoughts, ideas,
calisthenics
that rock
egos
fragile
after fractious
flings in the netherworld
of love, restrained and drained

no more

Love Maps

Love Maps, by Eliza Factor, © 2015, Akashic Books

Sarah receives a phone call in the middle of the night from her godmother Tori. Her long-term partner Conningsby has died. His family had reeled him back into their lives as his days waned, but she can't bring herself to attend the funeral. But someone needs to pick up the portion of ashes that have been willed to her. Can Sarah?

When Sarah's sister Maya hears of Sarah's plan to attend the funeral, she tells her of a dream she had where Sarah is taken away by a man from the west. She begs her not to go, fearful it is a fateful prophecy. Sarah insists though and meets Philip. And he does indeed revolutionize her life.

Never one to believe in love, Sarah spends her days painting and dabbling in short-lived affairs. After meeting Philip, she is inexplicably drawn to him. It drives her to compulsively paint, confounding Maya and her friends. Nothing can expunge Philip from her mind though. Is it love or obsession? The line becomes a moot point. And that obsession changes everything.

Love Maps is Eliza Factor's second book and she creates vibrant characters who struggle against love. Sarah has never been interested in anything more than satisfying her urges, but she is irrationally drawn to Philip, even while she tries to avoid him. Philip has always been a loner, but can't help letting Sarah in. Despite coming from vastly different worlds, neither of them can shake their magnetic pull to one another. But Maya is a force to be reckoned with and she doesn't like Philip. Can she succeed in driving a wedge between them and force Sarah to choose which direction to take her life in?

Factor jumps between Sarah's present day less-than satisfying, single parent world and the story of her past volatile relationship with Philip which brought her there. She looks at the decisions we make in life and whether they are the right ones or not. Should we follow our dreams or forsake them for love? And where does family come into the picture? How do you choose your loyalties? And will those choices bring you happiness in the end?

We all have choices to make when it comes to love. Factor reminds her readers that love isn't always easy. We experience romantic love, parental love and familial love, but when they don't gel, what do you do? How do you map it out? Whether Sarah successfully navigates it or not seems less the point than how we perceive the journey. And for Sarah, that map is nothing like how she imagined her life to evolve.

So the question you might be asking after reading this is "That's great Katherine, but did you like it? And should I bother picking up a copy of it?". After my longer description of the book, I will leave you with a simple answer—yes.

The Love Book

The Love Book, by Nina Solomon, © 2014, Akashic Books

Care for a light-hearted romp through the messy world of "love"? Join Nina Solomon in her funny tale of soul mates gone awry.

Four women go on a bike trip through Normandy. They all have their own reasons, but none of them find what they are looking for on the "Tour de Flaubert". What they do find is an unlikely friendship that grows despite their differences.

Emily is a recently separated single mother not quite ready to let go of her ex. Max is a tough-minded trainer who isn't willing to let anyone in, let alone anything close to "love". Beatrice is a free-spirited senior who doesn't have "commitment" in her vocabulary, but isn't afraid to whoop it up with whomever comes along. And Cathy, the flighty captain of their crew intent on making sure that they all find their soul mates by Valentine's Day.

Solomon's easy-to-read novel won't strain your brain, but is entertaining. She pokes fun at love gurus and find-love-quick recipes that all end in disaster. But what she does do is remind readers that sometimes you really do have to be open to love before it will find you. And it isn't always what you thought you were looking for, but that's okay.

Thanks to Akashic Books for sending me an advance copy to read! And as Valentine's approaches, may you find love too. ❤ 

Happy Memories

Homework assignment:

Try to recall the day last year when you were happiest. Why then? What were the circumstances? Did it happen because of something you did, or did it just happen? When I asked someone this question the other day they said, "I can't remember the day but I can remember the hour very well. Is that good or pathetic?"

   ~ Jonathan Carroll

Last year...

Is he referring to this past year, 2014, or rather the year before? I suppose I can take licence in answering that, so define it as 2013, as I think of 2014 as this year. Or is it the year past? Hmm... I fear I am dithering though and shall just get on with the task at hand.

I slipped into a new decade

So what did 2013 hold? This is an interesting challenge for my memory. The biggest, most obvious thing must have been my birthday in July. I turned 40, but the date held far less fireworks than I imagined. The number came at me like a bulldozer trying to run me down, but after a few weeks, didn't have the punch I had expected. There were celebrations with friends and family, cake, and a trip to Sunfest with my girls for a taste of international music and arts. But it didn't make my heart stop. And I don't know if it contained my happiest moments to be truthful.

What else happened in 2013? At the time, I was pretty happy to meet my boyfriend's children in August. We had dated for what seemed like plenty long enough, but there were always reasons why we couldn't be introduced. When the date finally came, it was sprung on me at the last minute. I still had time to get nervous as all get-out though. To my delight, they happily liked me. And when I finally got over the fear of being the dreaded "other woman" I had hope that we could be one big happy family. We spent many happy moments together later that summer and fall, catching fish, carving pumpkins, and creating snowforts. The kids all got along better than I could have dreamed. The future looked bright. But as circumstances have since changed, I no longer have much to crow about over those particular memories. They sadly get lost amongst questions and lies.

Well then, where else did joy lie that year? There were plenty of smiles and laughter anytime I got together with my sister and her kids. And if I think about it, I know that my happiest moment was not a when, but with a whom.

2013 Clovermead Bee Beard Competition

Together with my sister, we went to Clovermead to see their annual bee beard competition. We hit the Ontario Science Centre in the spring, and gathered maple syrup, easter eggs and Autumn leaves; all together as a family unit. In those moments I felt most myself and at ease. I didn't have to be anyone else to impress. I wasn't required to be on my best behaviour. I could smile and laugh without fear of reprisals or ill effects. A pure love existed which didn't judge me, nor my actions. It wasn't big and spectacular, but all those moments were filled with the best of me and the best of what I hope to share with the world.

So I cannot say what my happiest moment of 2013 was. In fact, in 2014 I would probably have the same response. The "when" lay in the people whom I had the privilege to be with. My control of it had more to do with the fact that I chose to be with them. My family. My sister. Our love. Unconditional and joyful. And in recognizing that, I give thanks that I am blessed not with one sole happiest moment, but rather a happiest feeling when I am privileged to spend time with those I love most.

What is your happiest moment of the past year?

this dance

swaying in time
these bodies united
a love that's sublime
thou not always abided

a look in those eyes
tender touches that match
who could possibly decry
their heart's song that attaches

two women together
embraced cheek to cheek
A beauty to behold
something we all seek

as an honoured guest
to witness, I felt blessed

♡♥♡

In "Can I Have This Dance", Anne Murray sings of a love profound that is felt in one's soul. It is a beautiful song, regardless of your love of her or a taste in country music. Plus it makes for a perfect song for a slow dance with that special someone.

This song was played at a dance I went to Saturday evening in association with the London Lesbian Film Festival. It was dedicated to a couple who were wed the previous week. It was beautiful to see the dance floor fill up with so many people and I was touched to be there. The song is still ringing in my head and the smile that it gave me on Saturday is still there at the thought of it. I guess I am just a sucker for love.

This sonnet was inspired by all the happiness and love that I was witness to that night. I hope you can find a measure of what these women exuded in your own life. If only we could all be so blessed...

♡♥♡

This is love...

This is love...
   when your words don't try to ensnare me

This is love...
   when your actions hold my dreams securely

This is love...
   when your smile lifts me up from misery

This is love...
   when your tears covet my heart sincerely

This is love...
   when I no longer fear loss or fury

This is love...
   when I embrace tomorrow so sweetly

This is love...
   when we dream united of wrinkles serenely

and our hands clasp together

glued with sweat, tears and love

for all time
~

love

Love
so sweet 
as it fills a heart
overflows  a  life
yet always finds room 
for yet another moment
to cherish anew
amour
♥

Source: Uploaded by user via Mary on Pinterest

let them go

blue skies break

clouds swirl and skim

its time for recluse

its time for me and him

together

we explore

together

we beg & implore

together

we need to be

some more

love

life

laughter

in a weekend escape

bliss

bodies

bonding

we will be laid bare

let the snow

blow

and close our world

to tomorrow 

for today I stow

all my problems

- I let them all go 

Committed

"Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage" by Elizabeth Gilbert; ©2010, Viking Penguin

Over the holidays I made a trip to the library with my children. They each selected books and I wandered, looking for one of my own. No book club selections were available, but as I turned from the computer I noticed a rack of books nearby. The name Elizabeth Gilbert jumped out from the cover of a book. Having read "Eat, Pray, Love", I was already familiar with whom Ms Gilbert was. Yes, I was smitten with her tales of food, travel, salvation through meditation, and of course love. I suppose her name alone sold me on the book, just as the large font of her moniker was supposed to. So home I went with this book that suggested a struggle with the very ideals of marriage.

"Committed" picks up where "Eat, Pray, Love" left off. In the former book, Gilbert had fallen in love with a dashing stranger and then tentatively explored possibly finding new happiness with him. This time around though, she was leery of the precepts of eternal devotion, as presented by the tenets of the marriage contract. No, her and her partner had too many scars to ever consider formally stepping into the marital bounds again. That is, until he is arrested at the border, as they try to re-enter the US. He is told that he will not be allowed to come back into the country, until such time as he legally makes the United States his home - via marriage.

The couple is horrified.

While the idea of marriage does not usually elicit dark and gloomy faces from most people, these two still have wounds that make them skittish at the very thought of marriage. It is fine for some, but they had always sworn to never marry, even whilst making claims to be devoted to one another exclusively. Gilbert takes their time in exile from the States to explore marriage, what it meant to her, the people she met on the road and also set herself to discover what more she could unearth about the state of unions throughout history. At times, the tale is almost immature in its insistence of how horrible it all is, but when you look at the stats (just over 50% in the US and just under that mark in Canada), perhaps it is only naive of me to think that there aren't a whole host of others that are as gun-shy of marriage as she is.

As Gilbert delves into historical models of marriage and her understanding of how she thought it was supposed to work, she unearths some interesting facts; like the 50s in the US weren't always chock-a-block full of happy June Cleavers. And as she further discovers, while divorce rates seemed extraordinarily high, those statistics were skewed when comparing first and second-time marriages. In case you were wondering, secondary marriages had much lower divorce rates. I found that interesting from a clinical perspective, but also a personal level. How many of my peers are in the process of separating? Am I not also in a significant relationship that could ultimately lead to a secondary marriage (which I would rather not think of as doomed to failure).

Ultimately, she has some interesting thoughts and facts, but the text left me feeling that she still has a few more demons to banish before she can forgive her past experiences. But then again, don't we all have our skeletons in the closet that we sometimes wish would just disappear? And don't those mistakes and heartaches make us stronger, wiser individuals that are more willing to make decisions for ourselves, which hopefully includes making the decision to accept happiness and love into our lives once again? As you can probably guess, Gilbert did tie the knot once again and stepped into marriage wilfully.

May we all find that peace ourselves.

Steadfast Hands

Climb every mountain;
hide under every bed...
Strike a pose intimidating
and shriek against the mess in my head.

One moment I'm as tall,
as the highest sequoia.
The next I shrink so small,
too wee to dream of any redeeming karma.

It is this way in life
It is that way in love
see-saw, flip-flop
no even keel laid down from above

The sun shines strong
on my future,
but I fear hesitates to 
germinate this heart's pure ardour

Icy winds
don't blow away tomorrow
Steadfast hands
hold secure as I follow
A dream
that needs no more sorrow...

♥♥♥PEACE♥♥♥

Image Courtesy of lusi; RGBstock.com

The Wine Glass

words on the page
time to get them down...

f i s h
swimming downstream
in my gullet
with a magic bullet
of lemon pepper sansal,
coriander sprigs
and of course fresh lemon 
circling round 
these taste buds of mine
with a glass of wine
the only kind;
white...

now fire bright
as I read by its light
before chasing my children
and their paper minions -
groundhogs 
marked by kid's claws
I only say, because of ruined sofas
not forgotten in day's past skirmishes

Yet those groundhogs with kids in tow
tomorrow will surely show
that delightful smiles they still sow
on faces broad, mine & those
of grandparents that bestow
love through the ages; it forever goes

now back to my book
and my warm nook
with dinner forgotten
and drink transporting 
this idle lass
to Russia's morass
during Catherine's governance
perhaps with a topped up wine glass...

Image Source RGBstock.com; courtesy melodi2

heat

bodies entwined

so close 

that

there is no beginning

no end

only heat

and a heartbeat

that fills days of doubt

and a distant dusk

with promises

of forever

in your touch

♥

Image Courtesy of Serpentino at RGBstock.com

Burnt Pictures

Somewhere between a smile 

and a sigh

the world swirled,

stopped

and set my soul

on fire

burning pictures 

of life 

as I knew it

Gusts

blow through me

leaving me cold

as the ice that threatens

to form 

over yesterday's

love

This is not how it was supposed to be

This is not

what I expected 

when I looked at your face

This is not

a reality

I ever wanted to explore

Now

closing my eyes

can't erase the words

won't replace the facts

refuses to change the future

nor

 any tomorrow

I hold onto

the last vestiges 

of colour, hope, faith

and pray 

that we can 

all 

weather the storm

that approaches...

*for those that worry; a tale of love lost, but not my own