Power Down for Christmas

My last day at the computer,
before the holidays
and I'm still scheduling posts
completely in a daze

I've made cookies, trimmed trees,
bought presents, and more,
but there's still wrapping, and baking,
and cheese to eat galore!

I'll never get to eat it
if I don't finish up soon,
but I'm powering through on hopes
that Christmas day I can sleep until noon!

One more tweet on twitter
and some witty Facebook quips to fine tune.
I'll be present with my children
I swear no Insta-posts of cranberry spoons!

Christmas breathing...

A Christmas Breath

I am trying to breathe.

with days intent to race.

time - ever fleeting

Hours stripped to seconds double-paced

My mental list reams off the rails

even as tasks tick,

tick, tick

and the clock steals another minute - curtailed

breathe

just breathe

see the silver

grasp the linings with wispy fingers

my dervish whirls away

on sweet-laced cookie dreams

as I dance through to Christmas

on eggnog and mulled wine streams

Sleep divine people

Peace beautiful friends

May the spirit of the season

keep you going until New Year's end...

A Christmas Collage

A Christmas Collage

is what she designs

and yet the picture

is far more refined.

There are photos aplenty,

but that's just the tip

of emotions run rampant

in every single clip.

I see family,

traditions, symbols and more.

I feel love in the spaces

that she carefully stores.

Here is a tree

and there is the hearth.

Stockings lie waiting

and cookies tempt anyone's girth.

Ah, but see all the smiles!

I feel them inside.

My heart swells with the season

and a motherly pride.

This Christmas I am gifted

with a present so pure -

my daughter's sweet innocence

and our love that endures.

Time

time slips through my fingers
like so much rain
at Christmas

Happy for Christmas

I am happy for Christmas. 

I love you. 

I am thankful for Mommy. 

I am happy for my parents. They are good to me. 

I love Taryn and Grandma

and I know I would have Grandpa Paul

as my friend.

I love the Christmas tree.

I know the Christmas tree is nice.

I am friendly to my family, which is nice to people 

And with these immortal words by my youngest, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. May you find peace and joy on this lovely day. I hope to find a little round belly attached to my smile, as I celebrate the season with turkey and all the trimmings amongst family. Bless you all!

Christmas on Repeat

Jingle Bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way…

Jingle Bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way…

Jingle Bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the…

WHY did I bring that electronic book upstairs? With cookies still to bake and presents to wrap, I think I need another rum & eggnog.

Merry Christmas from my corner of chaos

(Psst. That was also a scant 55 words that I shall offer over to G-Man!)

A Rainy Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas

Outside, who’d guess?

Rain and gusty wind

Replace white stuff, no less!

Nary snowflake, nor snow bank

For Santa to mount

But those hungry reindeer

Still have green grass about

So while I debate rainboots

For my midday stroll

I pray that Santa still visits

To fill up my soul

~~~

Oh G-Man, how is Santa ever going to come, if he has to drive those soggy reindeer through the rain? I am sure they will just stink up the house to high heaven like wet dog! We better leave out some towels too, so that Santa can sop up his dripping boots, or else I am going to be ticked. There are only a few days a year where the house is sparkly clean, and you better bet that will be one of them. If I have to remop the floor, well...
um...
uh...
I...

I guess I will dear Santa, because the kids said they asked for a new car for Mama and I've been very good this year!


Please!

Retail Shopping = Christmas ♥

Christmas is entering my world. I needed some retail therapy today, so started my Christmas shopping. Yup, it has begun. And it was good!

So, I have had Christmas carols running through my head (compliments of other blog posts) and my eye is scanning the room for Christmas Decor placement already (Snow globe on the new table or would that be better for the stuffed Santa?). I have a neighbour across the road with their light display up and keep thinking that I should get on that too, before I am doing it in the snow. I don't have the giant blowup snow globe to display, but a few lights & giant Christmas balls add a little flair to the yard. I bet the kids would flip for a Santa display on the roof, but it ain't going to happen!

Plus, I have been thinking safety. I will be putting the snow tires on the old clunker to keep all my passengers safe in the van again this winter. Winter coats, hats and mitts have been out for a few weeks, but I haven't broken down and put on My winter boots yet. Heck, I saw people in sandals earlier this week! Anyway, I couldn't find a new pair and last years boots left the soles of my feet a little on the damp side. More shopping!!

Just so that I can get you all in the Christmas spirit too, I thought I would share a video that I bet none of you have ever seen before. It is a familiar song, but with a twist. Enjoy!

Christmas Day

Christmas comes,

but once a year.

The house is filled

with warmth and cheer.

A heavenly scent

of  turkey and pie

Saturates the air;

Mmmm, oh my!

The gifts once wrapped

now litter the floor.

With glee and mirth

children scream for more.

The stockings are limp

and so are you

So cheer and rejoice

because now you are through!

Merry Christmas 

To one and all

From 

Katherine

at

A New Day!

A Christmas Toast

Over at One Stop Poetry today, there is a suggestion to write something to honour family at Christmas time. I started with a different thought, but this story of love and generousity was a part of my Christmas a few years ago. It took centre stage, so I let it have reign on my page. I share it to honour my husband and the love and respect that he elicited from all those he touched. Enjoy.

Christmas was upon me.
I could not smile or glee.
It had been mere months
since death had claimed thee.

I pushed myself to function.
I strained myself not to cry,
but my heart lie still in tatters
and I too wanted to die.

Your Co-workers refused to listen
when I tried to decline their cheer.
They insisted I join the revelry
and at their party must appear.

I had no choice, but compliance.
Wiped tears and donned false smiles.
Their hugs of joy were too worthy
for a girl far from love by miles.

We ate, drank and were merry.
Shared stories til speeches were nigh,
then sombre I grew, as attention they drew
to myself  ushered forth to their eyes.

Beautiful stories were issued.
Thoughtful memories were shared to enthrall,
then to my surprise a check materialized
in my name, for my family, from them all.

Speechless, I stood in front of them.
Mine eyes blinking back full disbelief.
How could they know how this touched me so
in my heart shattered still by so much grief.

Their pockets were emptied in your name.
Wealth was shared from men, coast to coast.
And here stood I, staring at nary a dry eye
Trembling as they called for a toast.

To Brad, was the shout from the tables.
To Brad, was  the feeling round the room.
My love, it was beauty at its finest
and their hearts were opened all just for you.

I shook as I raised glass in your name
Tears fell, uncheckered from my heart
They saw the special in you, that I also knew
Their gift, to give me a fresh start.

Your heart, I feel its presence
nearly every day.
Your heart, I know it beats
yet strong for me.

but on that blessed eve
your love's magic it did weave
and not alone was I that night
when I did leave.

    {}{}{}

Merry Christmas to all of you at One Stop
and all of you who have touched my heart over the years
You all help to keep me going & for that I am grateful. 
Blessings to you all.

Winding down...

Just having a little fun today.

The kids and I hit the mall one more time.

Crazy!

I know,

but they had to get something for Grandma!

and then I forgot about the babysitter.

groan...

Every year I think I am done and then one more thing pops up,

and then another, 

and another.

I am never quite done until Christmas Eve

when the mall doors close

and I sit back

to turn my focus to wrapping.

Yeah.

That is never done until late Christmas Eve

when the kids are in bed.

Christmas carols play softly 

on my sad excuse for a stereo

and a rum and eggnog sits primly

by my elbow

waiting to fill me with cheer.

Ahhh!

But you?

How are you doing with your Christmas prep?

Are your cookies baked 

or bought :-}

Are the presents made/paid for,

wrapped and waiting under the tree?

or are you still scrambling,

 trying to figure out what tree,

and where to put it?

never mind decorations!

ohhh...

Well, the days are winding short.

Perhaps a quick mulled cider

will give the inspiration needed

to hit the stores Christmas Eve

with a flurry of spirit,

spunk and savings

and you can wake

Christmas morn

to cheer

& love

for all

*

Christmas Party Prep

Presents to wrap.

That should be a snap.

Floor to vacuum & mop.

Veggies to wash & chop.

Dip to make.

Hors d'œuvres to bake.

Makeup to put on

Dress to don

Kids to pickup.

Drinks to sup.

Christmas cheer to toast.

With friends I love the most

I just love this time of year!

*****

That's 55 words for G-Man & you

that I am rattling off

before the hours are through!

December 1st

deck the halls with...
hmm, how shall I deck?
garlands add a touch of bliss
plus reindeer, what the heck!

Can I find the snow globes,
maybe a snowman or two?
What happened to Santa's wardrobe?
His hat has been coloured blue!

tum, tee, dum tumm...
There's the angels three
I don't remember where this jingle bear came from,
but there's my old ceramic lit-up tree!

Oh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
yes, the flakes are in the air
I have started on my shopping checklist
and Bob & Doug McKenzie are singing the 12 days of Christmas without a care

My sides are tickled raw
for their 2 pounds of back bacon and beer in a tree,
yes True Canadians, Hahaha
Oh, let's pull out all the other Christmas CDs!

Well, I should vacuum and dust the house
so that I can place the ornaments just so
ah, my favourite; Mrs. Claus & her spouse!
Yup, December 1st and the festive season has hit me all aglow!

Happy Holiday!
from little ole me
at a New Day
playing the Oneshot Wednesday spree

Cleaning Spree

Time to empty shelves.

We discard old

and broken items

that no longer hold love or attention

in hopes that St Nick

will come to offer

shiny new baubles

for our play!

$$$

Yesterday we headed to the mall and spied Santa on his throne. My eldest hid behind me, but little R headed straight for the Big Guy's lap to chat. I figured that made it a good excuse to clean the playroom and thin out the toy shelves down there. Perhaps I will be able to see the floor for a day or two...

Oh, and this little ditty is my entry for the Sunday 160 over at Monkey Man's as well. 

Hope your Sunday was swell!

It's Christmas time...

I fell into my aunt and uncle’s arms exhausted, as the bus that had tortured my posterior completed its epic 14-hour journey across the country. I was back in Brackenfell, a little worse for wear, but ready to face the rest of my African adventure with gusto. I had conquered the wilds of Botswana and touched on a little corner of Zimbabwe. The impressions were worn into my psyche and I wore them like a badge of honour. I gushed to my kin about the animals I had seen and the adventures I had survived, trying to give the PG-13 version, but with flair. I am sure they saw a very different niece than had left them three weeks previous, but they were happy to see me return with such excitement. They let me prattle on, as was my wont.  When I paused for breath, they announced a surprise for me as well. I had had visitors! My brush with Miki, in what felt like a previous life time, had not been forgotten.  She had arrived in Cape Town herself and had called after me. In fact, upon us arriving back to my aunt and uncle’s house, a note had been stuffed in the door. She had popped by, knowing I was to return that day. She immediately shot up to the top of my list of priority people to call and see, but first bed and a shower called.

The following days seemed to fly by faster than I could process. It was a week before Christmas, but being South of the Equator, felt nothing like the Christmases I knew. Not a speck of snow was visible except in television commercials. I wandered in shorts, when not swimming outside. I visited the Waterfront in Cape Town with a cousin and her friend. We took in the touristy sights to my delight and ended the day by checking out the Christmas lights in Sommerset West. On a subsequent day, a wine tour was enjoyed. With all the renowned wineries in the area, we made a day of it with yet other cousins escorting me along for the fun. And of course, I reconnected with Miki. Just as her South African friend had noted, he lived mere minutes from my home base. We caught up on the adventures the two of us had experienced since seeing each other last and made plans for an evening out.

And with that it was Christmas. The first I had ever been away from my mother and sister. While I could have been melancholy and sad over their presence being missed, I was instead slightly hung over.  Christmas Eve, Miki showed up on my uncle’s doorstep to take me out for a glass of Christmas cheer. She returned me back to his doorstep closer to the 4 AM point and my morning at church was a little painful, but weathered. Christmas day was set poolside at my cousin Marianne and Weppie’s home. We dined on a cold buffet lunch, which was a far cry from the turkey dinners I knew and loved. The heat was not conducive to oven roasted fare though and I knew that while I piled my plate high. My best Christmas present of the day was a treat from my cousin Naude though. He surprised the family by coming down from Johannesburg for Christmas and he brought me some leftover turkey with stuffing from a previous Christmas feast he had attended. It was a very sweet offering and it made my day. We laughed and cheered, ate and swam. I survived my first Christmas without my closest kin, but instead was surrounded by the kin of my father and surrounded by love. It was a very special day, not to be forgotten. 

Holiday pause

   I have finally had a chance to read a few blogs that I have not had a chance to peruse over the hectic holidays. It is almost like not having time for dear friends or myself. I love getting together with family, but I have a kinship with the people that let me into their lives via a blog. The blogs I read inspire me to be creative, touch me in a spiritual manner, help me appreciate nature, bring forth the camaraderie of Motherhood and friendship. Blog-world has become a new friend in my life and I am happy when I get to see someone with a new post or new pictures to share or I discover someone new that makes me laugh. That kinship was unexpected when someone suggested writing a blog back in the spring. All I wanted was to write, perhaps make some money at it if I was lucky. Well, I have made no money, but I have found a voice. I rather enjoy the words that flow out of me. They are not always awe-inspiring, but I know that they do get read by the occasional person. That is kind of cool. I like it.
   My thoughts originally were going to be about the sadness that people feel at this time of year. So many gather together and feast and frolic. When a face is missing around the table we have pause. Their presence is felt and missed. We certainly have a few seats missing around our festive feasts. No one can replace my Bradley that was in charge of "flipping the bird" at Leslie's and of course the carving of said bird afterwards. No offence Jamie, but you don't hold a candle to him in my books. I almost grabbed the knife myself, as I often feel Brad's presence within me, but I let it go and faded into another room. Brad's spirit lives on and he was seen in my mind's eye in all the spaces where I had seen him before. You are not forgotten Brad and never will be.
   My cousin was also active in thoughts at her second Christmas visiting in spirit, but not body. I slept in her room and had her smiling face looking over me and  filling my dreams. Her parents still have tears in their eyes, but at the back of them if you look. It is hard to not see the cherished ones that we love and will love forever. They are still at our elbows and in our hearts. I left a small bottle of rye for my hubby and told him to "rip it up and give em hell" on Christmas Eve. I can smile at him now, but feel for the friends that I have that are going through their first Christmas without their significant others. A coffee date a few days before Christmas with a friend that lost his common-law wife a few months ago reminded me to be kind over the holidays. Life is precious and brief. His eyes still hold disbelief of what his life looks like and feels like. It is not right or fair, but it is what is meant to be for whatever reason. Peace will come eventually, but it takes time, patience and love.
   My tears came when I had the pleasure to see a friend in town for the holidays. The holidays always speed up into a chaotic whirlwind. I was able to meet my girlfriend for dinner and a movie and was thrilled to see her smiling face. We openly held hands and embraced constantly. She is a dear friend that touched my soul with her unquestioning love and the support she offered while my husband was sick and dying. She can laugh and be crude one moment and drop everything to hold my hand so I can cry the next. When she moved away after my husband died I was devastated and mourn her loss still. She is a pure soul. I held her with tears streaming down my checks as we parted in the parking lot of a movie theatre. She is still alive and still a friend, but our time has changed. Our brief window with which to visit highlighted for both of us the sometimes cruel passing of time. We held each other and missed each other as our eyes feasted for the lean times that we know lie ahead. That is the mystery of Christmas that brings the smiles and feeds the sorrows. We rejoice for what we have and remiss for what we have lost.
   So I close with a cheers to friends and family no longer with us, but also with love and peace offered to the friends that I still have. May you find your peace  and love my blogging friends and thank you for letting me into your lives.

Two Shopping days left!

The days have slipped to hours
and still I shop some more
desperate for some eggnog
GROCERIES, God another store!

I've done  a Christmas letter.
The cards are in the mail.
Oops, I forgot Western cousins!
A New Year's card will have to prevail.

Gift cards round out shopping lists
(The babysitter needs her due)
And the LCBO comes to save the day
I think I am almost through!

So now I haste to wrapping
The presents are stacking up high
A bow on a bottle and ribbon on bags
Oh Lord, where did the time fly!

Santa's cookies are baked
Teacher cards delivering this aft
Broccoli and cauliflower need prep work
I am sure I heard Brad! He laughed!

So off to tape, bows and my paper
Here, I can no longer linger
This evening a birthday celebration
A bottle of wine for birthday girl, I will bring her.

Merry Christmas time
and may the season see you
Through till New Year's Day!

Winter Wonderland?

   Snow whisks past my window. The snowflakes swirl and dance, stinging cheeks as they land. The ground remains relatively clear yet, but winter has arrived it would appear. Perhaps a white Christmas after all? I have added some seasonal songs to my play list to celebrate. Soft and quiet, loud and raucous, modern and old fashioned; a mix to suit me.

   My Christmas list needs checking though. Time to check it twice and thrice. Christmas cards need to be penned. Presents needed to be sorted and wrapped. Our poor tree is barren yet. A new surprise for the girls when we get home later. Christmas baking will entertain our world tomorrow. I can smell the shortbread already. Yum! The girls love to bake and chocolate chip cookies were suggested in earnest as well. Time to don the winter layer of warmth on outer and inner bodies. Cheers to you and may your holidays be bright!

Snow fall

   It is snowing. I heard tell this morning that it was supposed to snow all week. As Christmas is approaching rapidly, this makes me happy.  I love the beginning of winter with its new white blanket that softens the world. It hides all the ugly bits as they lie dormant waiting for Spring and their transformation. I say ugly, but that doesn't feel quite right. The world has less obvious signs of life and light and it constricts our movements. We stay closer to home to hunker down in front of the fire. Cuddly blankets and beds call louder to our sleepy souls. I don fuzzy slippers and dream of frothy eggnog. I await my children and their zeal, so that we can trim our tree this aft. It is a lovely tree, that I know will shine forth love, excitement and promise before the day is through. Crisp smiles and laughter helped to find it yesterday. Perhaps that will be a memory that will follow the girls as they grow. My memory trees held hot chocolate and sleigh rides. This is a new tree though and new memories to be built.

   So let it snow and cover up the world and all that is in it. I am ready for my dormancy. I am ready for thoughts of transformation. I am ready for beauty and love. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

a day; a life lived

   Hmm, what fabulous thoughts that run through my head are worth spilling forth this evening? Dare I comment on the Christmas decorations that went up today, that thrilled my girls when they came home this evening? Carols graced my ears and put a remembered smile on my lips. Heritage and history float in the air on the magic of the season within.

   Or shall I remark on my yoga practice today, that is always a highlight of my week. It shines in my life as an integral lifeline and sanity. This is as much for the emotional support I receive from my beloved Wellspring members, as for the actual practice itself. I could not face the day today without holding in my heart the thought of loving kindness and grace that has filled me up on a little mat sitting on the floor. The ting of Valerie's tingsha instantly melts my heart and releases unknown tensions from the day. (Tingsha creates a meditative vibration but is more commonly used for calling one into the here and now. The striking sound of the Tingsha has the ability to call one forth as well as clearing any disturbing energies in the moment. The Tingsha brings clarity and spaciousness to any space - http://www.stonesforbones.com/page/934329) Namaste!

   What about my conversation with a fellow yogini who has also lost a partner, fallen to cancer? Her husband was 59 and died three weeks after being diagnosed. The future is always out there, but it is ripped away in the face of this insidious disease. It is hard to truly write that though, as I have had many unexpected gifts in this journey. One of them has been me. The me that is here right now with you sitting at your computer reading these words. Cancer destroyed my world as I knew it, but handed back the seeds to germinate a new one. My new life still seems to fit loosely, but I am allowing myself to try it on. I did not want it, but the wretched gift continued to lie staring from the floor where I left it. It will not be ignored. The gift has been the sharing of it. A hard gift that is prickly to hold on most occasions. A gift that I cannot give back. And I won't. I shared my gift with a fellow journeyer this afternoon as the rain began to sprinkle down softly on our heads. She seemed so strong for so early into her journey. That strength is a garment pulled on for the benefit of a world that does not want to see our pain. I know she has had her bleak moments, but has the will somehow to work through them. I guess I do to. Don't mistake me for feeling poorly as compared to my compatriot. I know I am further along than she. I know the putting on of face for the day only to loose the stomach for it by night fall. Tears by the ocean have washed through me. That is not today though. I feel and remember.

   Perhaps I remember more today for the scab I picked at yesterday. Yes, I felt it all day, despite the Christmas crooning that tempted soothed spirits. After dinner last night conversation flowed with dear friends over a bottle of wine. The children were downstairs, lulled by a movie and our conversation somehow stumbled into my memory land. How it gets there I wonder somehow, but I have been told I have the gift of gab. When encouraged stories flow. When some of the painful memories spill forth, they must be followed through from beginning to end. I have had times when a story starts, but the thread is broken and I feel lost and broken. I have to let it out when I get there. As I tell my tales I am right back there. I feel glazed over going into this inner world of memory that seemingly tortures me. The stories must be told though. Last night I wandered through the day that my cousin was torn from my life. At fifteen it was much too early and too harsh an experience being five months on the heel of Brad's death. It led to another death, this a living kind. My in-laws dissolved from my world at this time and I still tell the tale. I lay in bed thinking on them last night. They still haunt my thoughts and I offer up my pain and regret to the ethers. A shame, a shame. Loss of a life, to bring on a new. I think that is where my rambling will end tonight. No grand epiphanies tonight. I take a kiss from the wind and curl into my pillow with it.

sweet dreams...