Winter in Canada

This was the results of a 3-day blizzard from a few years ago.
Buffalo has taken the hit for us this winter :)

Apparently winter has decided to strike early this year. MAN, it is cold out there! A mere week ago it was 14C, but this week the temperature dipped to -18C (with the wind chill, but still). What is up with that?! Time to put another log on the fire apparently.

As any good Canadian is wont to do, we face the ravages of Mother Nature in stride though. Today I face it with humour, with the help of an email from a friend. If we can't get warm, we just put on an extra pair of socks and laugh about it...

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians, during a recent appearance at Caesars in Windsor: 

• If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, You may live in Canada ... (had that happen to me)
• If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada ... (never, I hate seeing people in shorts or sandals when they should be wearing parkas!) 
• If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada ... (Yup)
• If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend, You may live in Canada ... (Yup)
• If you measure distance in hours, You may live in Canada ... (Yup again)
• If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, You may live in Canada ...
• If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, You may live in Canada ... (I might have - once...)
• If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, You may live in Canada ... (definitely)
• If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, You may live in Canada .
• If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, You may live in Canada ... (I proudly boosted a stranded nurse last winter across the street from my house with my MALE neighbour watching on)
• If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, You may live in Canada ... (Yup)
• If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km -- you're going 95 and everybody is passing you, You may live in Canada ... (lol, doesn't everyone do that?)
• If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, You may live in Canada ... (sad, but true)
• If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, You may live in Canada ... (DEFINITELY sad, but true)
• If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, You may live in Canada ... (my neighbour that blows out the entire neighbourhood does)
• If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly', You may live in Canada ... (it's not really that cold)

If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends,
you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.

The Pissed Pumpkin

I never meant it to go down like that. Jack was a decent guy, but he just got under my skin. I didn't really mean him any harm. Honest, I didn't!

But when he messed with me before I’d had that first sip of coffee, I kind of lost it and bit his head off…

*Image from http://ow.ly/eekV1

And that my friends is 55 words for the persuasive personage G-Man and his fun Flash Friday 55!

Happy Thanksgiving my fellow Canucks. Hope your pumpkin pie is of the happier sort!

 :o)

Saturday's Email of the Week: When a Girl's Got To Go

Saturday's Email of the Week

Last week, I was picking on you boys out there. This week, I can't help but share this little jab at the ladies. I haven't quite hung my purse around my neck, but I am familiar with 'The Stance'. I know the rest of you ladies are too! Somehow it is just worse in a public bathroom as well. I don't have any qualms about doing my thing in the woods after dark (too much information - sorry), but present me with a questionable toilet seat and no toilet paper and the world is coming to an end, with me leading the parade! Ugh!! That is the reason why women always carry a purse full of crap by the way gentlemen. This has happened more than once to all of us.


I hope you have a lovely weekend. I survived my trek into the bush last weekend and shall be returning for another night of fun today. Happy Memorial Day to my American friends. Catch you later.

*~~~*

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. 


Every cubicle is occupied. 


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! 


The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume 'The Stance'. 


In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance'. 


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' 


Your thighs shake more. 


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. 


Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.  


'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get. 


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes. 


The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. 


At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. 


You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. 


You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?) 


You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this. 


As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck? 


This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public toilets. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door. 


This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.

Saturday's Email of the Week: More Manly

Saturday's Email of the Week

Well my men folk friends, I should save this for you for Father's Day, but I cannot wait that long. I technically came across this video due to an email that was sent to me by YouTube. It wasn't this video that I originally clicked through on, but this was the next one up and much funnier. Are you manly enough to handle it?

As for me today, I shall be heading out of town to celebrate our Canadian Long Weekend. Happy Victoria Day fellow Canucks! I will be pseudo-camping (in a trailer minus electricity or running water), but full-on enjoying the first official Canadian weekend of summer. You want to bet I will have an icy beer, a steak on the fire and my plaid wrapped around me after the sun goes down. Hoo baby, I cannot wait! The girls are excited to try their hand at fishing with my new Manly friend. I bet he will be able to handle an axe a little better than the manly man in this video though.

So if you are North of the border, enjoy all the sunshine that is forecasted to come our way my friends all weekend long. For those of you South of the border, you will get your turn next weekend. Patience! Have a super weekend everyone!

Saturday's Email of the Week: ICU!

Saturday's Email of the Week

Well my friends, I haven't seen you on a Saturday in a while. How are you? I can guarantee you I am still in bed. Saturday's have become the Holy Grail of sleep in days for me as of late. I will have to get out of bed before noon, as Madame Mommy will have to become chauffeur to my princesses who have been invited to a birthday party. Lucky me had my eldest invited at the last minute, as the guest list was dwindling. I know that the hosts actually are doing me a favour and know it, because this then gives me 3 HOURS of freedom from the kids. Woohoo! No idea how I am going to spend those precious hours (finalizing my taxes? Nah!), but I hope to make the best of it.

So, I came across this email and thought I would share it with you. It did make me smile, as was suggested it would. With the full moon coming on and gray skies dominating the horizon, I needed that smile. Thank you Bill and thank you for stopping in today! Enjoy!

~~~

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer.

It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, I.C.U.

   A good clean joke is hard to find these days - pass it on!

   (Admit it .... you're smiling)

Saturday's Email of the Week: Belly Laughs

Saturday's Email of the Week

So today is going to be a super crazy day. There will be yoga, birthday parties and babysitters to collect. I might be able to sleep in (yes, this was written last night), but once I am in motion, watch out! In fact, life seems to have sped up loads since the holidays. I suspect that you just may have guessed that by my sparse writing here. I have also had some new company that seems to have kept me entertained and away fromt he computer in my down time.

(Insert smiley face here)

So since I am smiling already and excited about going out for dinner tonight, I am going to share some smiles with you too. Nothing heavy or hardcore, just some honest to goodness belly laughs that tickled me. Hope you have a fabulous weekend all! 

Saturday's Email of the Week: Namaste

Saturday's Email of the Week

Hello Saturday. Where did you come from? The week has melted away and left me with a weekend of activities to look forward to. Tonight I will be going to a local twitter, beer-tasting event where I will perhaps get a little networking in. Or at least try a new beer or two. Not too many though, as I have to take the girls to a birthday party tomorrow and have been told not to show up useless. I have to handle a glue gun, so therefore need to be on.

Hmm, hopefully I won't glue my fingers together...

So, this week I share a short video that struck my fancy. A friend sent me this and it just tickled my yoga bones. I have been lapse in my practice over the last six months, but returned to the mat recently. This felt like an affirmation that I am on the right path with re-embracing a yogic balance (in a weird kind of way). The scary thing is that I completely know and get everything she says. Does that make me a freak? Ha! Maybe, but I am okay with that!

I am off to the gym now for the kids' yoga class! Maybe grab a glass of wheat grass after (probably NOT!).

Namaste my friends! Have a blessed weekend.  ☺

Saturday's Email of the Week: Dreaming of a White Christmas

Saturday's Email of the Week

Twas the night before Christmas
and I've still lots to do
So I'll leave you with comics
while I vacuum & mop too.

The cookies are baked
and presents, well mostly wrapped
Next, onto the bedroom
where fresh sheets shall be slapped.

As time, it is fading
I cannot stay long
but I wish you holiday greetings
and hope good health keeps you strong

Now back to my turmoil
and the basement of horror
but Santa bells will soon free me
from any more work tomorrow.

Merry Christmas my friends!

I fear that the only snow I will see this Christmas is the snow in these cartoons

So, while I can't get the kids to make some of these crazy snowmen

I am sure I can keep them busy doing something

Here's hoping your holidays 

are merry and bright

Love

Katherine

Saturday's Email of the Week: Friends Forever

Saturday's Email of the Week

Day sped away 

gym, glowing games & gabbing girls

friends ♥ forever

~

I have a very good friend of mine visiting today, so have been away from the computer. Wonderful, but I noticed that I didn't have anything prepared for you. Ack! As I have spent many an hour laughing, giggling and chatting the night and day away, this little joke is all that I have come up with on last notice. You are lucky that I love you all and am willing to share this little Christmas present that I got.

Merry Christmas ladies!

(Pst. Shall I send him your way when I am done with him Ron?)

Santa sent me an email stating he's tired of delivering toys.  That he's too old to be flying all night across the globe and that starting this Christmas, he's sending his son, Santa Jr. . . .   

HO HO HO . . . . Merry Christmas my dear friends, behave so that Santa Jr. goes down your . . .chimney  :)

Saturday's Email of the Week: Hurry Love

Saturday's Email of the Week

 

Happy Saturday my friends. The week fairly flew by, it seemed. The blur is hard to even stop and put a finger on. There was a Holiday concert at school, which entailed a quick visit from Grandma and Grandpa for the show. I lounged at the salon, shopped till I dropped and made time for coffee with friends on more than one occasion. I might have got a little bit of work done, but it feels like it was despite myself. Who has time to work with a date at the museum, a visit from the window repair man and SNOW to appreciate! This weekend isn't going to slow down much either, as a Christmas tree hunting we shall go, followed by some hard-core decorating of our prize. Welcome to the hustle bustle of the holidays, I guess. How about taking 2 minutes for a chuckle before you throw yourself into the rest of your weekend? It just seems appropriate too, what with a few dates under my belt as of late. And NO, there is nothing to tell yet, but you will be the first to know, I'm sure. Cheers!

 

Saturday's Email of the Week: Can the Funny Bone Cure the Common Cold?

Saturday's Email of the Week

It's Saturday and I am still sick. Just a cold mind you, but snotty as ever & its been almost a week now. I wouldn't mind so much, but with a lower than usual energy level the house has taken a toll. Confetti litters the living room floor, remnants from the snowflakes that now hang gaily on the window above. Counterspace is hitting max load in the kitchen, almost too much for this poor soul to bear. I don't even dare look at the kid's playroom.


groan...


But I shall ignore it all a little longer, as the girls head to roll and tumble the last of the morning away. I myself will see if I can sweat out the last of my germs while I am at it. And despite thinking that all the emails that I received this week were not worthy to share, upon second look there are a few nuggets in there that offer a smile or two. Actually there were three from a certain blogger friend of mine that all made me smile. She even got a spotlight on a community poetry blog that has been rocking the web as of late. The one that I am most interested in though, holds some links to a story that she promises will touch my heart. I can't wait! Plus there was a cute animated advent calendar from a distant aunt, a notice for a new writing contest (Canadians only!) that I am mulling over, updates from clients and a barrage of emails regarding Christmas drinks with my book club. What to choose though?

Well, this one from my aunt got a giggle. Hope you have a great weekend!

~~~

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane ... but only a high school diploma to fix one ... a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely. After every flight ... UPS pilots fill out a form ... called a 'gripe sheet' ... which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems ... document their repairs on the form ... and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way ... UPS is the only major airline that has never ... ever ... had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. * P: Test flight OK ... except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. * P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. * P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. * P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.. * P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. * P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. * P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. * P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode. * P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. * P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. * P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. * P:Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. * P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. * And the best one for last * P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Saturday's Email of the Week: Wan Chocletz?

Saturday's Email of the Week

Oh, hello Saturday! You have snuck up on me again. The week has breezed by, but thankfully we are home this weekend to relax. Err, well to sleep in anyway. Got leaves raked, window repairs estimated and lunch in a with friend I haven't seen in months. All in all, a good week.

Today, kids will be rolling, tumbling, then painting hot on the heels of gym class. Me, I will spend my hour sweating, then pick up a girlfriend to shop for some reasonably priced Christmas presents. Woohoo! Sunday will see some well-deserved downtime, but more than blissfully there were no major catastrophic events of the week. My visit with Grammy went well (much better than expected) last weekend. Parent-teacher interviews went well. Drumming went well and I might have a new iron in the fire as far as work goes. No complaints!

How was your week? Any deaths, births, new jobs or friends to boast of? How about a book finished or a bully squashed? Well, they can't all be banner weeks, I guess.

Oh, you want to know the best part of my week! I mopped the floor!

And what you all have been waiting for; drum roll please....

My EMAIL OF THE WEEK! Happy Saturday!!!!

()~~~()

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. 


A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should finish things we started and we all could use more calm in our lives. 


I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz.Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum

()~~~()

And I couldn't resist this video (mostly because of the last ad - that will be me sooner than I would like). Cheers!

Saturday's Email of the Week: The Dating Game

Saturday's Email of the Week

I love this! Make sure to watch the video to the very end. Its priceless! I can so relate.

Welcome to the dating scene...

 
BOB from Jacob Frey on Vimeo.

Saturday's Email of the Week: Memories...

Saturday's Email of the Week

Its Saturday! Not quite back to quiet boring Saturdays just yet though, I am afraid. It will be a busy day today, but a good one. We are celebrating my littlest baby's 5th birthday today! There will be ice cream cake, glow-in-the-dark bowling, stinky shoes and a gaggle of kids hopped up on sugar and adrenaline driving me crazy! But I won't have to clean up the mess afterwards, so I am ready to go! The house will have to be cleaned though, as my sister will be in town for the festivities, but it makes for a good excuse to pull out the vacuum. Now, off to climb on and zoom we go! 


Happy Saturday all! Here's your bit of humour and history lesson for the week:

***

Have you ever wondered  why our great grandparents all had such fond  memories of their youth?

Well... I'm  surprised they remembered anything at all  !!!

Forget Tums &  Tylenol.

Forget Aleve &  Benedryl. 
Look at the cool  stuff they had back then!

A bottle of Bayer's   'Heroin'. Between 1890 and  1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive  substitute for morphine..
It was also used  to treat children suffering with a strong cough.
And not once did my grandmother offer me  Metcalfe Coca Wine when we went to her place for dinner!

Coca Wine, anyone? Metcalf's Coca Wine  was one of a  huge variety of wines with  cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say  that it would make you happy and it would also  work as a medicinal  treatment. 

Mariani  Wine.Mariani wine (1875)  was the most  famous Coca wine of it's  time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry one  bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo  Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold  medal.

Maltine.Produced by the  Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York . It  was suggested that you should take a full glass  with or after every meal. Children should only  take half a glass.



A  paperweight:
A paperweight  promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne (  Mannheim , Germany ). They were proud of being  the biggest producers in the world of products  containing Quinine and Cocaine. 

Opium for   Asthma:At 40% alcohol plus  3 grams of opium per tablet. It didn't cure  you... but you didn't care!

Cocaine Tablets   (1900).All stage actors,  singers, teachers and preachers had to have them  for a maximum performance. Great to 'smooth' the  voice.

Cocaine drops for  toothache.Very popular for  children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the  pain, they made the children very happy!


Opium for  newborns.I'm sure this would  make them sleep well.  (not only the Opium,  but also the 46% alcohol)




It's no wonder they  were called, "The Good Old  Days".

>From cradle to  grave... everyone was STONED  !!!

Saturday's Email of the Week: Not For the Faint of Heart

Saturday's Email of the Week

Ok, I am going to pick on a certain retail store today. See if you can guess what it is before you watch the video. While I have been known to shop there before, I can't help but pass along these gems. I am sure some of you have seen snippets of this, but I am feeling nasty and am going to share anyway. I am going to start with a picture (that just makes me want to pee myself, but also makes me kind of sad),

then I am going to jump to this video. This just makes me want to either wet myself or run screaming for the hills, never to shop there again (unless I pick up some hot pink spandex that is slashed enough to show off all of my 50 tattoos, hickeys and bruises collected on my trailer trash body - NOT!)

 

Did I warn you to put down your coffee cup this morning? Oops, sorry. Well, have a lovely weekend folks. I am road tripping again today. Off to the Big Smoke with a certain someone to take in some dinner, music and hopefully dancing. The best part is that it is minus kids! Woohoo!!!!! See ya!