Naked as We Came

I wrote a poem that I am not sure I like.

I am too tired to fly to Africa tonight.

I cannot seem to get into my photo album to regale you with a new picture of something uber-wonderful to share with you and perhaps be inspired to write about.

I did go visiting some wonderful blogs this evening though (Just about Wednesday and OneShot is up and running already). I came across this post over at my friend C's blog and nodded my head all the way through it (something about everything to say/nothing to say and nowhere to start, so lost). Is the changing of the seasons sucking the life out of our feeble brains? I think not with seeing all the rest of the posts out there.

I shall turn into a pumpkin in approximately 2 minutes though, so regret I have not enough to share.

perhaps I will just share a song with you today. Iron and Wine is a staple for me when I need a musical comforting hug. Enjoy.

Soup's On!

After dropping the kids off at school this morning, I had an appointment downtown. Upon leaving my meeting, I found myself walking right into my favourite Farmer's Market. Not one to pass up on the colourful bounty of Fall, I hummed and hawed over the produce and picked up some fixings for soup. With the brightest colour of the garden patch catching my eye, I decided upon Borscht for lunch. Sweet fall beets are yummy in my books (and with my children being at school I don't have to listen to them moaning that they "don't like it!"). While I sometimes follow recipes, when it comes to soup I wing it, so here is today's take on it;

Thursday's Version of Borscht

So you start with some beets. I picked these up at the farmer's market this morning. Can we say Fresh!

Cut up for the soup pot

and then you chop up some carrots (also purchased at my favourite farmer's stall last weekend)

Onions and garlic add to the flavour as well, so get them in there! I bet you can guess where the onion came from (Yup, farmer Rick again! Geez, you're good) That pile of garlic is purely home grown though. I pulled up a bunch of my garlic about a month ago and have been drying it outside. Into that pot you go! No, I am not using all the garlic on the right hand side (Vampires begone!). Just three little ones will do.

All chopped  and ready to go

Don't forget your bouquet garni. Here I have used thyme, parsley, oregano, a sage leaf and a bay leaf. It is all from my garden, but the bay leaf. I do have a Bay tree that I have brought inside for the winter, but there were some dried bay leaves handy, so I am using one of those up today. If the term "bouquet garni" is unfamiliar to you, essentially it is a collection of fresh herbs tied with string and thrown into your concoction for flavouring. It is removed prior to consumption, but flavours your soup, stock or sauce that you are making without leaving behind visible traces of it. Wikipedia has an entry here. I try to use them as often as I can (cus I love feeling foie de foie) when I have fresh herbs available. This time of year my herb garden is chock full, so herbs go in everything I cook. Nuff said.

Thyme, parsley, sage, oregano and bay

Voila! A bouquet garni.

Throw them in a pot with stock and simmer. Sprinkle in some salt and turn the pepper mill over the soup pot a few times. Stir it up. Now go write a blog post or something, as it needs to burble for a while.

...
...

oops, don't forget to smash disconnect the smoke detector while your soup is boiling away. Mine goes off if I look at it for two seconds (freaking sensitive piece of @#$!%#@). I have just turned the fan on myself, so as the neighbours don't call the fire department (again - oops, last house and another story).

As an afterthought, some of the beet leaves got washed and tossed into the pot too. Mmmm, it is starting to smell good now! Tummy is rumbling, but the beets aren't cooked through yet. Run a load of laundry downstairs to fill a few minutes.

...

...

Ok, it's got to be ready by now! I'm starving. Pull the sour cream out of the fridge. It is the traditional addition to borscht and I just happen to have some handy. 

Now,

Leave me be so I can eat my soup!

Happy Thursday all :)

Friday Foggy Fuzzy Thoughts

Just about ready to crawl into bed. NO, I lie. I am ready. A cat is snoring away beside me and I wonder why I am not doing the same as of yet. I was up late doing some editing on some writing that I have been plugging away at and hope to turn into a book one day. I love the process, but wish that I could just sit and write, write, write while the words are flowing until I am done. Unfortunately, things like the clock ticking past 1am and the knowledge that two little girls will crawl into bed with me in the AM regardless of what time I go to bed, stops the flow. Then I need to find my muse and mo again. Not tonight though. Both cats are in. I finally returned a call to my sister and should get up in the morning for a potential play date that may or may not materialize. Hopefully my mind will co-operate and just fall asleep instead of swirling around images of what a working world looks like and how I can coordinate it. 

Not even going to go there.  Before retiring for the evening I am going to share some of my recent Becky Home-ecky moments. Here are the fruits of my labours from last week. On the left is some of the batch of sweet pickles I recently made and the right is a one of the jars of dill pickles that is ear-marked for a friend of mine that loved my garlic dills from last year. Put in your orders folks! The corn is tempting me to try my hand at corn relish. The peaches beg to be concocted into an array of yumminess from Peach Amaretto Butter (last year's was delicious but more like syrup- great on pancakes), to peach jam or maybe even peach pickles? Hmm... Must go to sleep. I can dream of my canner and smile.

P.S. This probably wasn't worth the effort of popping by today and I apologize for that, but I will try harder again later. Peace out...

zzzzzz..........

The Snake Bit Me

I just rolled out of bed. It is noonish.
   yawwnnnn....

Before you punish me with an abusive tirade on my slothfulness, I will add that I had only returned to bed around 10 o'clock. That after a night spent holding long, golden locks out of the line of fire over a toilet bowl. Oh, and also developing a dainty little blister on my thumb from trying to play plumber at 4am. I don't know if it is me that just doesn't have the knack with a snake (or toilet auger as the packaging states) or me that is an idiot to self-diagnose toilet issues, or me with a God complex that thinks she can do anything, that is at fault here. Apparently it doesn't matter, as the one thing I can do is laundry and the pile was quite large this morning. sigh... Full of towels used to mop the floor, splattered rugs and bedskirts and all the sheets off of another bed that was soaked through with pee. That announcement came at 7:30am, after I had finally fallen asleep at 6:30 praying that my daughter would not wake and splatter me with ... ugh never mind

So I am tired and wondering why the world seems to be pushing me so hard. I am not a plumber or doctor, roofer or general contractor (other issues that need tending to in my house- don't ask). It seems that I am being asked to step up to the plate to decide what I want to be though. My daughter will recover from her night of woe, but my money tree is quaking in fear as I tally the expenditures that are all imminent. I think that I might have to break down and push myself harder than I would like right about now. The world is pushing for action. An honest to goodness full-time job has been something I have been trying to avoid, but I feel that I have lost my battle. 

house 3 - Mama 0

damn

=============================================

P.S. Over a quick beer with my neighbour to get the run-down on which plants my girls need to water while she is away, I was reminded of the fact that another neighbour is a retired plumber. Oh. Yeah. Right. And another is a contractor. Really? Hunh. It looks like I shall be wandering the neighbourhood this weekend with a cooler full of adult bevereages and blank cheques inquiring if anyone has a moment to help a friend in need...

One Lovely Blog

This one is pretty special.

My bestest bud in blogland and great friend in real life awarded me this beautiful award. Dear C, over at Is That a Promise or a Threat, remains anonymous at large, but her personality speaks volumes on the page.I think she is about my favourite blogger, because she is just so darn honest, candid and writes with such eloquence. Just look at me gush, but I truly love her work!

So anyway, she honoured me with this beautiful award that I gladly accept. Of course she had to tie a few strings around it that I have to pull off before I can hang my beautiful prize. The strings? The usual; list off some things you may not know about me (she had 7, we'll have to see), hand out the award to some fellow bloggers (again a request of 9 that I will do my darndest with), thank my lovely Ms C, which I will do again gladly! MWAH!!! Oh and let you lovely people who I claim as worthy know that I am sharing some love with you (but of course!!) 

So, what do you want to know, I wonder;

1. Well, there was that time that I was hitchhiking in Namibia and got into a spot of trouble, but I suspect that you will hear that story at some point in the future :)
2. You know about my toes and I even shared pics recently, but did you know that I had some serious Little Orphan Annie curls (BAD, Bad perm!) going on with glasses that took over my entire face back in elementary school? Can we say super-geek? No, those photos will not be up any time soon.
3. Not only was I teacher's pet in Grades 7 & 8 (same teacher), with top marks in the class, but at my grade 8 graduation Mr. Matthews came over and asked me to dance. In front of everyone!Well, to be honest, I didn't really think anyone ever looked at me back then, but still! A sweet moment till I got a look at the photos my Mom took afterwards. I laugh now, but I think I was a little mortified that it appeared  he was looking right down my pretty little pink strapless frou frou dress (probably seeing the floor for lack of anything to block the view). It wasn't like that. REALLY!
4. Whew! That was a long one. Okay, so my family is in agreement that I am just a teensy wee bit long-winded on occasion. Nasty buggers. I am going to leave it at that.
5. I have my Therapeutic Touch and Reiki level one cetificates. Come on over and I will give you a session! We all need a little loving kindness now and again.
6. Goodness, I am beginning to sweat here. Uhmm, I live on a corner lot and know 9 immediate neighbours by name (but don't always pick the right one - I truly suck with remembering names. Sorry!). Awesome neighbourhood!
7. ooh! got to seven. That wasn't so bad. So the 7th thing that you may not know about me (and may not care about) is that ...

So, what of my lovely blogging friends out there that I would like to honour and maybe get a little bit more dirt on;

1. Hey Suzi, she's so fine. She's so fine, she blows my mind hey Suzicate! Alas she is on holidays, so might not be responding any time soon, but I just wanted to say that she is a fine writer, poet and offers a lot of support to the little people out there.
2. I have picked on Ron before too, but he is such a funny guy that I cannot NOT include him in my list. Go read him at Vent, if you can still read after wiping the tears of laughter from your eyes you will see what I mean. Love you Ron! XX
3. I suspect that Nicole might not post this up, but she really does have some fabulous photo journeys and craft ideas over at GardenMama. She can show you how to make anything you find in your yard edible or into a nifty craft that people of all ages can appreciate (well mostly me and my kids)
4. Speaking of photos, there is always a tonne here at The Dowser's Daughter. Joanny has some exquisite photos usually accompanied by just as exquisite poetry. Just a beautiful site.
5. And I just got a comment response that almost made me cry it was so sweet. There is a dear sweet lady over at EarthMama, who also collaborates on another thoughtful blog at Threading Light. There are days when I am feeling down and less than positive about the road in front of me. I can almost always go to either of her blogs and feel uplifted by the fact that I have been offered this gift called life. Thank you Lisa for being you.
6. I have recently been introduced to the witty repartee over at Eternally Distracted and couldn't be happier. Here is another anonymous blogger, but through reading her words you would think that you'd know her anyway. She is another pretty funny lady that I can trust to give me a laugh and I can always use that!
7. Just to read her responses I am going to introduce you to Jannie Funster as well. She loves beer, donuts and writes her own music. What's not to like?

and I think I am going to take a page out of dear Madame C's book and end my list there. I tried to give a mix of people that I wander through on a pretty regular basis. There are many more fabulous blogs out there, but I am discovering new ones every day. I am going to give a brief nod to Brian as well (C had him in her list, so I won't pick on him again, but he is uber-super), but trust that you will find your own faves as you wander through this big, great home we call the blog-o-sphere.

~~~

And not to toot my horn too loudly, but I also got this pretty award from Jingle as well. I am just feeling the love all over. Peace to you and

Have a wonderous New Day.

Wandering a path not always easy

   I just came in from struggling, straddling  and sweating my cargo roof rack into place on top of the van. Frig, it's hot out there! I am quite proud of myself for getting it up there though. I thought I would have to get some help to hold it in place while I screwed the bolts on (we shall see how good a job I did when I drive down the road - don't drive behind me as I drive over any bumps!). I did it all by my little ole self though, with no help, but an occasional breeze to keep my morale up.

   As I wiped the sweat off my brow, I stood back to admire my handy-work. I could not help but think back to  a lady I know, who is going through a difficult period in her life. I believe she is in her late 60s and her husband apparently is in the process of beginning a cancer journey. They have yet to give a formal title to the kind of cancer he has, but there is a tumour floating around by his kidneys that is approximately 3-5" large. Not mm or cm, but INCHES! For one not familiar to tumours and their size, that is huge; about the size of an orange. I have mentioned at various points in my blog some of the trials I have traversed in my own life with cancer. It is not a pleasant disease and it affects many, many people in the world. 

   Why I think of this lady today, as I claim triumph over a difficult task, is because she is very dependant on her husband. She has a driver's license, but generally does not feel comfortable driving any real distance. She can clean, but cooking is not a skill that she can claim with any true sense. As meal time approached recently, she suggested that she would make dinner (a simple meal of barbequed hamburgers). Someone commented that she would have to start the barbeque and she retorted "oh well, I can't do that! You better do it G." I was floored. She could not even start the barbeque! Perhaps she is not comfortable handling propane, but really it is a fairly straight forward task. What is she going to do if her husband dies? We all die, but with his failing health, one would assume he will succumb sooner rather than later. She is even afraid of confined spaces (elevators to be exact) and worries about what she is going to do if he is admitted to hospital for surgery and is up on the fifth floor for recovery. How will she get up to the fifth floor? At said point, I am aghast.

   Over the course of the cancer journey that I went on with my husband and grief journey I have struggled with since he died, I have had many challenges. Understanding diagnoses, assisting him in his mobility, undertaking more household chores when he was unable were all things that I just did, because I had to. I did not want to, but I did not have a choice. Well, that is not exactly right, as my Mother pointed out to me at points. Another choice could have been to walk away, but that would never have happened. To me it was not a choice. She pointed out the strength it took to be there for my family, that some just do not have. Since my husband died, I have taken on all the cooking, cleaning, bill payments and general running of my household. Again, I have not wanted to do it all and at points was very close to throwing it all away, but somehow I have found deep reserves of strength to push me through. My house is not cleaned as often as some, but I pay my bills on time and make most of our meals from scratch. I do it because I have to. Again, there is always the option to leave, which to me is a non-option. I have a certain level of pride in the fact that I go beyond the mundane chores and accomplish other tasks that need attending to. I painted my living room in the winter mostly by myself. When I had my basement renovated the winter before, I again did all the painting. I have organized having the furnace  and hot water heater replaced, a shed built, and every room in the house (but my bedroom) painted. I have lifted furniture on my own muscle, when I perhaps should have asked for help, but am learning that I do not have to always do it all solo. For me it is not a matter of knowing how to do something, it is more a matter of knowing that I cannot do everything and stepping back to allow others to do what I cannot. There is no glory in being a martyr, I have been told in not so many words. 

   So when I look at this woman, who will be in such a disastrous place when her husband dies, I feel a certain level of anger, confusion and disbelief. I have wished and wanted someone to be there for me to help with running my household, spending quality time with and enduring this thing called life. I am sure that someone will enter my life at some point, that I will want to share and care with. I am learning to like and love me and respect my abilities and weaknesses. Really though, I am content to spend time with me, getting to know me and my path. I would love to have more companionship, but I do not need someone to survive. That level of dependence is scary for me and I just cannot fathom it. I had someone ask me if I had talked to this woman directly, and admitted I had not. In crisis, you survive as best you can and she seemed to be pulling back from her usual outgoing self. I could not and did not want to put myself out there and tread in my own recent memories. I cannot change her world. She will have to survive it the best she can and all I can offer her is the strength to face the day. 

   I realize I have gone on here, but just want to offer a link to a support system that has buoyed me up over the years for any of you challenged by a cancer diagnosis. Wellspring is a wonderful organization that offers emotional support to individuals, family and friends of anyone dealing with cancer. It is a Canadian organization that has branches all across the country and I have utilized their services often. I have not always been as strong as I am today, but they have been there to hold me up whenever I have had a need. As I have trudged a cancer path, I know how difficult it can be. Any of you that need an ear are always welcome to chat. Peace to you all.

Live. Today on the main stage: ME!

I stumbled across this Meme over at f8hasit. Nancy is a pretty funny lady, so I heartily laughed my way through her list . As I wandered merrily along my way in the  big ole blog-o-sphere, to my surprise I found another copy of it. What to my wondering eyes should appear, but a link to Me over at Suzicate's site tagging me in the game as well! With such beautiful words from her, I cannot help but play along. My friend Suzicate is a pretty funny lady when she wants to be as well, although I think I love her poetry best. The game here is to share 25 things that you didn't know about me or might not have wanted to know at all! Hah haa! This might take a while, but I will rack my brain to see if I can drudge out a thought or two to tickle you with. 

1. I was very shy as a child, hiding behind my Mother's legs, until it drove her nuts. Most people are shocked by that, as I have been told that I never shut up nowadays.

2. I have webbed toes. On my left foot, two of my twos are joined up to the last knuckle. People were always teasing me about being a good swimmer and called me a duck as a kid. Haha, I exclaim for the millionth time. Yes, you won't ever find a toe ring here!

3. I did not aspire to be a mini-van driving Mama, but it happened anyway. I was quite content to toodle around in my little Honda Civic and pretend I was a race car driver, but those days are long gone. Now I am the driver of an Idon'tCaravan and I treat it like a truck. I can jam in a Christmas tree, lumber, groceries and hordes of screaming children. Sometimes even at the same time. I just wish for the limousine glass that I could roll back up for privacy's sake. The closest I get is the volume dial on the stereo...

4. I was the teacher's pet most of the way through primary school. I had a very small handful of girlfriends, but mostly kept to myself reading books, studying and pulling off top marks in school. That  all changed when I hit high school.

5. When I started high school, I retained some of my quiet ways, but quickly added to my friendship circle. While there was a whack of us who became friends, we were kind of the fringe party of RHHS; Gina, Rocker, Punker, Goth Chicks, Rapper, JAP, Surfer Chick, Smart nerdy girl (Not really even me by the time high school was done!), Churchy girl, laid-back pot-smoking west coaster. A little mish-mash of groups that did not exist in other corners, so we banded together and made it mostly work. Go ahead and guess where I fit in :)

6. I hate to clean. I should be cleaning my house right now, as friends are coming over for dinner, but I am sitting at the computer again. Sigh, perhaps I should finish my list later...

7. I often need the pressure to be on for me to accomplish things, especially if they are not exactly favourite activities. Yes, I got my bathroom cleaned, but the floor did not see the mop. For shame, for shame.

8. At the age of 18 you are legal to vote in Canada. My Mom came home so excited to take me out to vote for the first time. She was shocked to find me in the bathroom surrounded by piles of blonde hair with my sister and step-brother shaving my head. I left some bangs for a chelsea-cut style that I thought looked kind of cool. She did not. She turned around and left and voted without me. Once I brushed all the little hairs off the back of my neck, I went and voted with my step-father. 

9. I kept the shaved head for eight months. At that point I jumped into a station wagon with my boyfriend at the time and a buddy of his for a road trip out to BC. I was away from a razor, so turned from a fuzzy peach to a mottled shag. It eventually grew back thicker. As my hair had always been baby fine, I was cool with that. My sister's boyfriend thinks that she should shave her head to make her hair thicker. She has not acquiesced thus far.

10. I have been writing this blog for over a year now and writing most every day for about seven months. I am so proud of myself for sticking with it and love what the experience has brought me thus far. Namely YOU, reading today, your comments and the confidence and skill it is offering my writing.

11. When I started this blog, it was with the thought that it would be another writing outlet and would potentially make me some money. Well, the money isn't exactly pouring in, but opportunities are presenting themselves that offer potential. The best part though is that I am loving the writing and would never have dreamed of the support that is out there! Yippee blogging!

12. I work with an artist, but have so little artistic skill that I wonder why they keep me some days. Again, with practice I guess we get better at everything.

13. I have painted every room in my house, but my bedroom. Aside from help in the kitchen and back doorway (with high ceilings that I just did not feel like challenging myself to), I have painted all of those rooms myself, including the ceilings. Again, I like to think that practice makes for a better skill. Saving my room for last :-)

14. I have used a wet-saw tile cutter and loved it. I cut all the tiles for the bathroom floor in our basement. Girl power!

15. Power tools generally make me nervous or downright scare the bejesus out of me. I have too vivid an imagination.

16. I worked in a body shop (automotive repair facility you dirty people!) for over four years. I sometimes believe therefore that some knowledge about cars was gleaned by me. I will wiggle under my van staring at the undercarriage and realize that - osmosis doesn't work like that.

17. While I don't mind getting my hands dirty in the garden, I HATED getting my fingers dirty eating dinner as a child. I wouldn't eat wings, ribs or most things you had to pick up with your hands. I still won't eat ribs, unless I am being polite.

18. As a good Canadian, I am polite most of the time, but I will refuse your bacon every time.

19. I so want to get my motorcycle license. I figure that I will have to wait until the girls are older or I get myself a side-car bike. They would be the coolest kids in kindergarden to be dropped off by a side-car bike. Yeah!

20. While I have visited many, many countries over the world, I have only ever lived in Canada.

21. I have eaten worms, grasshoppers, deer and ostrich, but do not like olives no matter how many times I try to give them a chance. I will take my martini with a twist, thank you.

22. I love my book club, but probably picked the worst book of the year for us to read when it was my turn. An embarrassment, but they haven't kicked me out, so I'm okay with that.

23. I played french horn for 2 years in primary school and trumpet for two years in high school. Unfortunately, I don't think my rhythm is any better than my painting skills. Ohh!

24. I hate horror movies. When I was a kid, I used to hide under a blanket and wait for my "younger" sister to tell me when it was safe to look. She always lied to me. I still hate horror films.

25. I cannot believe that I came up with 25 things to share here! Not sure if anyone made it to the end and I applaud you for it, if you did. I have to admit there were some brain cells scraping and firing away, but there you have it. A little stick-to-it-iveness from me. 

While the suggestion was to tag people, I think I will leave that in your hands. I want to thank Suzicate again for poking me to play, as I had fun. Don't we all want to think about ourselves for just a minute? Yeah, you know you do. So if you DO decide to take a whirl at this here Meme, let me know. I would love to be nosey and read up all about you. Come again! You never know what you will find here tomorrow...

Tomorrow just got closer

I am gleeful and dancing

with chest full of song

for today holds Today

and that cannot be wrong.

Life holds old shadows,

but their crispness is spent

faded to warmth

that I never would've lent.

The sparkle of present

lends half-measure to now

tomorrow just got closer

I do not know how.

With calm as a guide

and peace in my soul

it seems I survived

with life to extol.

 ~~~

Smiles.

May today offer you a blessing. 

I got some from friends.

Thanks.

Seven Ravens?

Whew! What a day. I feel like I haven't slowed down and won't have time to for a while. When and how did this happen, I wonder to myself? One day I am bobbing along doing not much of anything, the next...

Wham! Go, go, go! 

The regular routines of getting the kids up and out to start the day with some kind of breakfast thrown their way. A detour to the vet was thrown in today (checkup - no worries). I also got to dabble in paints, as an art show is coming up that my workplace will be participating in. By trying to play catch-up, I get a few more hours which are always welcome. Tuesday and Thursdays are my regular working days {work like a dog ;) }. At this rate I am going to have to invest in a new wardrobe almost. Messy, messy me is going to trash some of the questionable clothes in my repertoire of staples in the closet. I truly am not complaining though. While getting my hands dirty sometimes causes me deep-seated angst that rears its ugly head from my childhood, I am getting over it. Enough that I even volunteered to work today. Not Wednesday though. I have a date to take my girlies to visit their new school that they will be attending in September. Ahhhh! Run screaming from the thought that my little ones are growing up!!! It will all be better after I lay my head on the yoga mat that afternoon. Ohmmm. Yes.

So, I do have to admit one quick thing, before I sign off my ramble for the evening. Normally this post would have been a book review, as tonight I met with my book club. Alas, I fail today. Our book for the month was entitled "Seven Ravens: Two summers in a life by the sea", by Lesley Choyce. I have to admit that I have not finished the book as of yet. Really, I think I will struggle to finish the book. Normally I can find something good to say about most books.  By the description on the back jacket of the book, I was really looking forward to the book as well. It described the book as one man's journey through a difficult time (an undisclosed crisis) and how he works through it. 

Alas, it was all lies. Perhaps not lies, but I imagined that the book was going to be some kind of journey where the author was going to find wonderful epiphanies about life. If he did, he did not share them with us the readers. In discussing the book with fellow members of my book club, there were many who had high hopes and envisaged perhaps something akin to  "Eat, Love, Pray", by Elizabeth Gilbert. Not by a long shot. Sorry Lesley, but your book was as dry as dirt in my humble opinion. I hate admitting that (especially as I choose this particular book), but I almost fell asleep reading it last night in a desperate attempt to finish it for this evening's festivities. My eyes refused to cooperate and were shutting of their own volition. They did not want to be assaulted by the boring text and refused to play. I never fall asleep while reading, but I gave last night. Sigh... I will try to finish the book at some point, but I think that perhaps it is just time to move on. Better luck for the next book. 

As per our discussion this evening, perhaps we will just hold out hopes that year 2 of our little book club will bring some finer literature to the table. We are going to go the route of genres next year. My genre is poetry, which I love, but fear may be painful for some in our clan. Perhaps if you have any favourite poets out there you could send me a line for me to entice my reluctant readers with. What say you?

   

Life is Good

 It certainly is! Wow!! This beautiful award was offered to me by the lovely and talented Suzicate over at The Water Witch's Daughter. She is funny, writes beautiful poetry, can shake her booty with all manner of munchkins and loves rocks, trees and water. What's not to like! And now she floors me by deciding that I am worthy of some bling from her. I am terribly honoured that she has recognized little ole me and my blog. Really and truly I am. Sweet! Her only request was to answer a few questions, which I will gladly do. So without further ado;

1. Do you believe in reincarnation?

In my twenties, I read many books on many esoteric topics. I discovered Richard Bach and flew with his friendly seagulls. You could stretch his concepts into reincarnation. Kinda. Anyway, even in much further days of yore I wondered what become of us after we died. My father passed away when I was five, and as the years passed, I wondered what he would have come back as. Was he that bird over there or perhaps the tree that was planted last week? Maybe he was the frog that hopped into the pond when we went to visit the other day? Hmm. Or was he anything at all? No one can know for sure. The Hindus and Buddhists believe in reincarnation. They both have a lot of interesting things to say. Are they correct in their suppositions on rebirth? It is a nice thought, but I am not sure exactly how it all works. I know that my Bradley is still with me whenever I need him or want to talk to him. I hear his words live within me. Will he be reborn some day? Time is an ethereal concept, so perhaps his rebirth will occur instantly for him, but take longer in the space that I live in at present. I just do not know. What I do suspect though, is that once energy is born, it cannot be extinguished easily. We are all energetic beings. Our bodies are our vessels, but they just might not be the be all and end all...

2. What is your favorite season and why?

I can say something nice about pretty much all of them. In the Fall, the leaves enchant with their myriad of colours. I always take my family portraits outside in amongst the leaves if at all possible. It is also the season of harvest. Last year I canned everything in sight with wild abandon. My family thought I was a little nuts, but I loved it. In winter, I love going for walks in fresh snow on a bright sunny day and making snow people with whomever will help. The Spring brings new growth, new flowers and the start of gardening season (Woohoo!). The days are getting longer and hope returns after the long winter and lack of sunlight. Summer though, is probably tops for me. I am a water baby and love going to the beach or ocean to swim. I love wearing sandals and throw away my socks for a season. All the plants in my garden give me huge delight and I constantly putter, prune and peek at the new things that happen every day. Ah, summer. You are my beauty!

3. If you could time travel, what time would you travel to and where in the world?

I probably would not be interested. It is hard enough to live in the present. The future is a scary thing, but I am sure full of promise. The past is just that; done. I would not go back and change a thing, as it has all brought me to today and that is where I am supposed to be. So while seeing the ancient pyramids being built would be neat, or visiting Stone Henge many moons ago would be cool, I prefer to stay put and see what today brings and look forward to tomorrow.

4. Your favorite place to be?

That has got to be near a body of water. I grew up close to the Great Lakes, which are great, but give me an ocean to watch rolling in and out and I am mesmerized. Failing that, I have spent immeasurable hours plunked beside streams listening to their babbling voices. That has always been a place of comfort and as close to meditation as anyone needs. 

5. If you had your choice to do anything you wanted for a day, what would it be?

Oh, fun! I would need lots of hours, as I would probably be in the garden for a while. Going for lunch with a friend and a glass of wine should be slid in somewhere. Oh, wait, I know! Spend the afternoon at a spa. Oh yeah! With a massage and pedicure, mmmm. That would be lovely.

Another option if it was a family day would be a day at the beach with my girlies. We all love love the water (all water signs) and that would make all of us happy. 

6. Are you a cat or dog person?

I have a cat sitting on my lap licking me at present and I love him for it now. When he or his other furry friend wakes me up in the middle of the night to be let in, or leaves me a present of cat pee in places where it shouldn't be I waver, but sorry my doggy friends the cats in my life are tops. (The whole stoop and scoop thing just grosses me out!)

7. Do you remember a particularly mad dream and if you do, what was it?

Recently, I had a particularly ominous dream. It was awful and I felt like a bad person  upon waking. The feeling lasted all day, despite admitting my horribleness to friends. They reminded me that it was a dream, but it was a hard one to shake. You see, in my dream I left my daughter in the vehicle. I ran into someone's house to grab something and was gone longer than expected. I got talking and could not tear myself away. When I finally returned, waving and smiling, I turned to put my keys in the lock. A cuff was thrown over my wrist. I was being arrested! I was being arrested for abandoning my child in a car. I felt horrible! I felt incredibly guilty. How could I do that to my poor baby! What a horrible person I was! What a horrendous Mother! I deserved to lose my child. Lock me up and throw away the key!! But it was just a dream. A dream. Those words did little to make me feel less like a bad person, but perhaps it was a warning.  I shudder remembering. Yech. Begone foul demon dreams!

8. Favorite food?

Got to be seafood. I love pretty much anything that comes from the sea. Or river. Or lake. In fact I got an invite to my neighbours for dinner as they caught a whole mess of little fishies and are willing to share! I am in my glory! Unfortunately there will probably not be lobster, crab legs, shrimp or even scallops to go with, as those delicacies are not in abundance in South Western Ontario waters (except from the grocery store). I will be there with bells on though! Oh, and don't forget wine to wash it all down with! Yum :)

9. Books or TV?

As with Suzi, I am a book person. I do have a TV in my house, but it doesn't get much action beyond Treehouse (kid's cartoons for my American friends). On the rare occasion I might rent movies, but give me a book any day to curl up with.

10. Star sign?

Egad! I too am a Cancer. I knew there was a reason why I liked Suzi. And yes, I am a true Cancer girl through and through. Home body (most of the time), although with a penchant to travel. Emotions are not just worn on my sleeve, I have gowns and gowns made of them. I love to love and feel beyond all else. I guess that is what helps out the poetry. :) 

And that is that! I apologize if I am overly wordy, but hey that's me! Please visit Suzicate, if you get a chance. I know you will like her as much as I do. If you want to give this quiz a whirl, she left in some other options too; 
If you wish, you can substitute any of the following questions for any of those above:
“Name five things on your “bucket list” that you have not yet accomplished.”
“Choose a symbol that represents you best and why”
“Your favorite element and why”

Have a marvelous Sunday!

Black Widow Crossing

    I sit folding laundry after a busy day of running around. My glorious children somehow let me sleep in this morning, for which I am extremely grateful (I was up really late the night before last going through some new computer programs & had a child awake about two hours after I went to bed with a  nightmare. Ick!). So, this morning I still got my cuddles, but the girls went on their way after a spell. I won't tell you what time I got up for fear of repercussions from my jealous fans. :)

     While the plan had originally been to head out to visit Daddy, I quickly realized that there were not enough hours in the day. Somehow I ended up going through clothes to pull out the summer wardrobe. It was on the list of things to do, and apparently that shot to the top of the list. I suppose the heat wave we have been going through makes it a priority, especailly with only two pairs of shorts in my youngest's drawers. The mountainous load of laundry was daunting, but with six loads down, I am getting ahead of the game. I cannot finish the task at hand though, as I have run out of hours again. 

   "It's early yet," I hear you say.

   Yes, but this evening I am going out. Aha! One of those rare moments when Mama becomes Katherine. In fact, I am going to a party. A costume party at that. I can take it one step further even. The party (Stag & Doe) I am attending this evening is a superhero party. OH Yeah! I get to dress up and be a super-sexy super-hero! Unh, hunh! Well, it only took Nancy two months to convince me into this and she completely made my costume, but I am excited to be going. I thought about it and realized yesterday that as it was a stag and doe, there would be dancing! Ohhh! Oh boy! I will have to dance in heels (or kick them off to soft-toe in my fish nets). Perhaps there will even be new people to meet. Hmmm. That is exciting and nerve-wracking all at once, but in a good way. So my friends, I cannot stay. I have to finish my Mama duties, then squeeze me into my costume. Have a Super Friday!

Normal

   An epiphany of a sort has been creeping in this week. Perhaps it was highlighted by the loss of a sweet woman in the blog-o-sphere. This woman brought back many images of me and my family in my darker days. She battled cancer and sadly succumbed to the disease last week. I follow a few blogs that were touched by this woman and her family's plight and many candles have been lit for them. I too walked the chaotic path of cancer within my family unit and was overwhelmed by its power. That time period will be with me always and I feel deeply and with such sorrow for any that have to walk that path. My cancer journey was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but the grief journey that followed was even harder. I was shocked at the amount of work that it takes to process grief and am often still surprised by the knock and reminders that will live with me forever about these difficult days. I would never have believed how many tears could be shed, but I somehow survived and face a new day every day of my life. 

   What has struck me this week is something different though. Weeks before my husband was diagnosed, we had just had our first child. Ten months before that we celebrated our love by tying the proverbial knot (no need to do the math -she was our honeymoon stage gift!). Our days before that were filled with wedding planning and home renovations to our newly purchased home in a new town. For a period of about five years, I think that I hit a ridiculous number of stressors (good and bad) on the scale of stress factors. I seemed to only be able to function if we were going through some change or transformation. When Brad died, a big piece of me went with him. The death of my cousin a few months following, was just another in a long line of stressors that I just could not deal with any more. I caved and leaned on whatever supports that I could. Other friends and family disappeared at that time, but time refused to stop. I held on treading water and with help have moved through a seemingly insurmountable amount of carnage. And now...

   Now, I am normal.

   This week I looked at myself and noted that I have nothing going on in my life. I am working part-time and am happy with that. I am writing in this blog and working on two books when I can. I do yoga, participate in a drum circle and am part of a book club. I have two beautiful daughters that I love more than my life. They give me a reason to get up in the morning and put a smile on my face when I am not scolding them for some little thing that is normal for children their age. I have friends that enjoy my company and family that cares about what I feel and do. My worries and stresses are the everyday bland kind of stress that everybody goes through. My grief is still mine, but it does not rule me anymore. I face the day and the worst of it could be deciding what to make for dinner, scheduling a vet appointment for the cat, or making sure the bills are paid on time. All normal. Normal. Wow. You probably do not understand why this affects me so, but it is an epiphany that I noted for me this week. I am just like everyone else. I can shed tears for others today and do, but my life is okay just the way it is. And I think I like it.

Flat Tuesday

One
flat tire in the rain
with a spare that refuses release
by my hand or tow truck driver's might,
Equals a late dinner
and grumpier face than the one that looked out
on the wet and rainy day that was Tuesday.
Subsequently, means a change in plans
to another wet and rainy day
called Wednesday.
Lame month
So far.



spread your wings award
A lovely thing from Jingle, that I offer you to share.

time is no waste

A book calls.
My mind stews.
The bath heats.
   Good.
Ice cubes clinking.
   Also good.

I am angry at the injustices
   that are pushed upon the world
Me, friends, family and foes
   We are all pushed by the should be, should do,
should have been, could have done...

All we have is today.
This moment in time,
   that we have
that we offer to share with the world.
Those pure moments of us that we share with another,
   is that not the most precious thing to give,
      to be?

Am I wrong? What else can we offer another,
    but ourselves?
There is nothing more.
Everything else is mine
for me
Alone.

I offer me with love.
If I do not want to give me I will not.
I am precious and not worth wasting.
I am not worth wasting
Neither are YOU!
neither are you...

time is no waste

life is gifts given wrapped in the paper of experience

cherish

Saturday Segment

   I am off to the Studio Tour, but thought I would post a quick hello. I have heard tell that there were visitors yesterday and a few pieces were even sold! Yippee! Way to go Acme. I kind of feel like I might show up there and just be in the way or background art, but I must show my solidarity. I may not be a huge part of Acme Animal, but I do give them some of my hours. It is all good. The girls get to play with their girlfriend up at Kidscape too, so I cannot deny them an afternoon of fun (Thank you David!). That will be topped off by a special treat for me. This evening I get to go out for dinner, then continue on to a concert. Babysitter is arranged and I am excited already. Bare Naked Ladies here I come!

Ohm

    This week I feel the well is dry. Words are parched from my less than creative brain. I have exciting things coming up in my life. New opportunities that might spring up with a dollar or two attached to them. Spring has sprung, which means that I will be outside tending to the garden and looking for fairies behind new shoots and leaves. That is always a good meditation for my soul. Alas, I have been feeling hollow though when I look for more depth. I saw a couple of old acquaintances this morning and invariably the conversation got around to "So are you working?". My part-time work is wonderful, but elicits a crooked smile from others. It also elicits a groan from my bank account. My Spring renewal feels more like a returning to my roots of angst. I wonder if I will ever be good enough for me? I keep on judging me against the past and society's norms and am finding a hard sell to measure up. Perhaps a round of ohms on the yoga mat this afternoon will give me the boost I crave. Thanks for visiting. 

Namaste

ME, Me, me

I am tired tonight. Only one to blame is myself, as I was up late last night. Yawn! I worked today (horrors, oh horrors) so am only now getting a chance to curl up with my laptop. As my brain is very close to already asleep, I will be kind to it and not put it through its paces to come up with some inane prattle to bug you with. Instead, I am going to share a quiz that my friend Me had over at Is that a Promise or a Threat? We shall see if I am as witty as she. Here goes; 


Hi, my name is:
Katherine. Yup, that's me.Other nicknames that floated around over the years were Kitkat, Wren, Rine, Kat, Katrina. Spelled with a K. Never Kathy. Nothing over the top. It means pure. I like that. Something to aspire to.

Never in my life have I been:
Bungi jumping, hand gliding or skydiving. All sound cool, but await for another day.

The one person who can drive me nuts is:
I have got to agree with C here. "Myself. Seriously." I am definitely my worst enemy.

High school:

Was a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. I think I have lived 7-8 lives since then, maybe more. If I live up to my namesake I might be in a bit of a pickle

When I’m nervous:
I become very quiet. I have been told that is not like me.

The last song I listened to was:
England by Great Big Sea
If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor:
I didn't have one the first time I got married, so not sure what I would do now. First things first though. I have to track down Mr Right and sidle up to date #1. Any singletons out there?

My hair is:
Down to my chin. It has not always been so. In a previous reincarnation of me the shaved look was what I sported. I was um, eclectic/goth/freak? Again, so long ago I nary remember

When I was 5:
My sister was younger than me. She still is actually. Funny that?

Last Christmas:
We cut down a real tree again (after buying one at a grocery store the year previous). It was a big ole beauty that was the purtiest tree you ever did see. I love Christmas tree hunts. Jingle Bells, jingle bells...
I should be..:
in bed and asleep, but I must persevere!

When I look down I see:
Two very full baskets of clean clothes that need folding and putting away before we go away. Sigh. Not tonight.

The happiest recent event was:

Hmm, my weekly dinner date with Nancy, David and Ella tonight

If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be:

-dated question. Too tired to debate. Maybe Gunter from the coffee shop

By this time next year:
My children will have started school and I will have that much more of a grip on my world (I hope!)

My current gripe is:
hmm, ack, who likes a whiner

I have a hard time understanding:
why I am still not in bed. I will be up late tomorrow visiting with family. Just go already!

There’s this girl I know that:

is fun, beautiful (really, I am not just saying that), smart, well-read and is still under-appreciated by her husband. I don't get why relationships can fall apart or struggle so much, when love brings two people  together, but doesn't remind them of its beauty in essence in the everyday world. We all want to be loved and appreciated. Why is it that so many fall apart under the scrutiny of life. A shame that pains me as I sit watching from the sidelines.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:
Probably my sister, but it depends upon if she answered the phone first.

Take my advice:
Appreciate all that you are given. Some day it may be taken from you before you are ready, or realize its worth.

The thing I want to buy:

A new roof for my house. Not a glory purchase, but it has got to be done

If you visited the place I was born:
"You'd be bored to tears. And then you'd leave." Yeah, I was born there too. I would suggest visiting the Mill Pond. I wouldn't know what else was there, as it has been almost 6 years since I was there last.

I plan to visit: 
Toronto next week

If you spent the night at my house:
Make coffee in the morning. The coffee maker is over the stove. Thanks. I will be sleeping in. Feed my cats while you are at it. You are a doll ;)

I’d stop my wedding if:
I thought I should for some reason. I would bet it won't be a big choreographed affair, so no big deal.

The world could do without:
Nothing. Everything has its reason and its purpose, even if we may not be able to see it at the time.

I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than:
ewww, not much. Yuck!!!!

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself:
bottle of wine

Most recent thing someone else bought me:
Daffodils

My favorite blonde is:
My eldest daughter

My favorite brunette is: 
My youngest daughter

My favorite red head is: 
oh, how about the little red-headed girl in my daughter's class at daycare who always makes a point of coming over to say hi to me with a huge smile and wave

My middle name is: 

Who wants to know? Getting kind of personal now (2 names M---, A---)

In the morning I:
drink coffee

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are:
I like the frog thing C. They are cute critters.

Once, at a bar:
My boyfriend/hubby-to-be tried to dance with me while slightly intoxicated. He did not dance. He danced worse that night. A righteous hip check sent me teetering and over on my ankle. A lovely sprain that reminded me to always pick my girlfriends for dance partners. Sorry to those of you boys that have got rhythm, but he did not. Geez

Last night I was:
soaking in my jacuzzi tub with a rye. Ah

There’s this guy I know who:
Collects Lego. He's thirty-five. Am I the only one who finds this weird?

If I was an animal I’d be: 
great, Dr. Seuss is running through my head right now. "I'd Rather be a Bullfrog"

A better name for me would be:
as long as it isn't ALWAYS Mom, I am ok with that

Tomorrow I am:
going to visit and feast with family. Happy Easter!

Tonight I am:
running out of time! Ack 11:38

My birthday is:

oh, in three months. You better start shopping.

and that concludes our regular viewing for this evening. Please do not adjust your set. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

solar power cleaning

   So, I made it to A New Day. I have not completely shaken the grumpies, but I am trying to keep busy and hope that I lose them around a bend in the day. So far, my two big tasks on the list are checked off;

1. pay bills 
2. make extra house keys

and I am on load number three for laundry. I am even being a greenie today and hanging clothes on the line (my electricity bill came yesterday and reminded me that I have a cost saving measure out in the yard; summer = line drying = $$). Of course there was a water main that broke in the area yesterday, so doing a gazillion loads of laundry might not be what the city wants, but oh well. I am not perfect. Grumpy me says "phfttt!" to the powers that be. Whatever ;)

   With a road trip just days away, I have also realized that there are a few tasks needing to be accomplished before leaving; ie. clean bathrooms, vacuum, maybe even tackle the mop and beg it to be kind with me this time. Going away for a weekend isn't really a big deal, but we are going to be gone for upwards of a week. That means getting someone to come in and take care of the kitties. That means that someone else will see the disaster that I call home. Ugh. So embarrassment has me fretting over cleaning. Really, whomever comes over will truly not care about the state of my house, I am sure. They have been here before and would be shocked to walk into a sparkling palace. No need to cause heart failures in friends. So perhaps, I will just contend with the bathrooms before heading out to yoga this afternoon. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, so the saying goes. I will try to relax into that thought, but right now have to go add another load of laundry to the line. Solar power cleaning. My meditation for the day.

Ciao!

Care to join me?

I am grumpy this evening.

I had a huge hankering for chocolate,

but had to make do with a white russian.

I could do with a jug of them,

but I am distracting myself with conversations about Easter

and chocolate bunnies.

Perhaps I should 

flush my brain

and call it a night

For yes, tomorrow  is 

A New Day