Who ever thought to give me tools?

I

Replaced

five doorknobs.

2 that still won’t latch just

so (one if you wiggle and jiggle,

 the  other  no  way  no  how)

Another helped the hammer

 to bite me and the last

That was

kind

enough

to slide in just perfect

(and if you are doing

Your math, I have 1 more to go!)

@#%$&?^!

and that my friend is 55 words that I can still slide in over 

at G-Man's for his Friday Flash 55

Tuesday Torrents

I have been having a bit of a mental block recently. I have opened my blog up, looked at it blankly and moved onto checking emails, FB, work, etc. Creativity = nada. zilch, nil, nothing. Last night I did some laps in blogland, hoping that perhaps inspiration would hit me, but around about eleven I gave up and shut the computer down. Done like dinner.

You see my brain has been swarming all over the kid's school and the issues that ensued there last week. I have had well-meaning advice from many parties and have been trying to figure out what direction I should proceed in. I don't think that anything will happen again, but I also think that something should be noted on file somewhere. Of course I also worry about stirring the pot and having myself and my children blacklisted as "problems" in our first week of school at the start of a potentially long stretch of learning there. It makes me antsy, itchy, irritated and stressed. Not where I wanted to be; AT ALL. Too bad though, I have to deal with it or let it go unfettered to the wind. 

sigh...

grumble, grumble, grumble

Maybe I should just go and read my book again tonight. The story "We Need to Talk About Kevin" is not quite uplifting, but it is first up for book club this year. It is an interesting novel about the Mother of a teenager that opens fire at his high school killing several people. She is writing letters to the boys Father and recounting their life leading up to the "incident". Good fodder for anyone feeling bad about not wanting to have children and also makes you feel better about any of your own bad parenting days, but I am not sure if I am going to get a feel-good ending out of it. I will keep you posted.

Oh, and I got my bathroom re-painted and it looks FAB-u-Lous! Still working on ironing my shower curtain (Yeah, you should really know by now that I am not that much of a freak - it is cotton [ie. wrinkly] and there is a vinyl shower curtain between it and the water hence an iron IS necessary. No worries; I do have one & even know how to use it despite my Mother's lack of training in that department. For shame, for shame!). Now the rest of the house is absolutely embarrassing beyond belief with the lack of attention it has received since bath renos began. After I re-attach my banister that T ripped out of the wall on the weekend I promise to see if I can find the vacuum. Maybe I will find the floor or even a cat or two? Who know? For now, my book is calling and I bid you adieu. Be well my minions. Go well.

Almost off "The List"

new floor grouted now

beautiful bathroom to be

baseboards still, then done?!

oh, plus add water

to taps that are not quite there.

Soon my worthy spa

Soon serenity,

splashing children in tub and 

Project off the list

Summertime

Summer Time

The last few days have been a wonderful break.

Company brought an excursion to the beach

where we encountered soft sand, feathered friends

waves, sailing ships

swimming and sunning to our hearts content.

 I love not feeling like I have to do anything

be anywhere, or worry about what life holds next.

It is all left behind

as the hot sand sears away all responsibilities

and worries of tomorrow.

I wonder what I would do if I lived there

with the beach outside my window

and the waves beckoning day and night

would I still love it?

Of course!

As I would always have stuff like this to come home to

that would drive me right back out again.

Anyone up for the beach again tomorrow?

Beauty Makeover

floor

uneven, cracked

shifting, crumbling, breaking

needing to be repaired

Disappointment

bathroom

messy, fractured

heaving, popping, cracking

one way to fix the floor

tile-less

renovation

necessary, timely

removing, replacing, resealing

hope to get more than three years

gratitude

serenity

placid, unfazed

screwing, sizing, skim-coating

all part of a beauty renewal

master bath floor

~

Here is a little Cinquain poem for the good people at One Shot about a bathroom repair job going on amidst the rest of life's little intricacies. It is dedicated to the Tile Guy (aka Murray)! He heard my shout out for help around the house and showed up with a contractor hat on. Mwah! The best; you are the best!! Hopefully I can post some pics of  a brand new floor before I know it. Enjoy and Happy Wednesday! 

The Snake Bit Me

I just rolled out of bed. It is noonish.
   yawwnnnn....

Before you punish me with an abusive tirade on my slothfulness, I will add that I had only returned to bed around 10 o'clock. That after a night spent holding long, golden locks out of the line of fire over a toilet bowl. Oh, and also developing a dainty little blister on my thumb from trying to play plumber at 4am. I don't know if it is me that just doesn't have the knack with a snake (or toilet auger as the packaging states) or me that is an idiot to self-diagnose toilet issues, or me with a God complex that thinks she can do anything, that is at fault here. Apparently it doesn't matter, as the one thing I can do is laundry and the pile was quite large this morning. sigh... Full of towels used to mop the floor, splattered rugs and bedskirts and all the sheets off of another bed that was soaked through with pee. That announcement came at 7:30am, after I had finally fallen asleep at 6:30 praying that my daughter would not wake and splatter me with ... ugh never mind

So I am tired and wondering why the world seems to be pushing me so hard. I am not a plumber or doctor, roofer or general contractor (other issues that need tending to in my house- don't ask). It seems that I am being asked to step up to the plate to decide what I want to be though. My daughter will recover from her night of woe, but my money tree is quaking in fear as I tally the expenditures that are all imminent. I think that I might have to break down and push myself harder than I would like right about now. The world is pushing for action. An honest to goodness full-time job has been something I have been trying to avoid, but I feel that I have lost my battle. 

house 3 - Mama 0

damn

=============================================

P.S. Over a quick beer with my neighbour to get the run-down on which plants my girls need to water while she is away, I was reminded of the fact that another neighbour is a retired plumber. Oh. Yeah. Right. And another is a contractor. Really? Hunh. It looks like I shall be wandering the neighbourhood this weekend with a cooler full of adult bevereages and blank cheques inquiring if anyone has a moment to help a friend in need...

Check

   I carry around a mental list with me everywhere I go. Do you? At points I need to write it down as well. Sometimes the act of writing words on a page changes the dynamics of it. I remember names better when I see them written and better again when I write them myself. Same thing with a list. Good thing if I make one, better if I write it down. It stays in my memory and gains significance. I can weed out what isn't so important or place it further down the list and pop more pressing issues farther up on the list. After my hubby died, I had to have a list, as my brain was mush. I was constantly barraged by grief images, so other things did not stand a chance to get recognized or dealt with unless they were written down and looked at. At that point my lists involved many appointments with lawyers, financial consultants, social workers/grief counsellors, as well as the myriad items necessary for the bathroom renovation that I took on (compliments of my father-in-law) immediately following Brad's death. While you may wonder at the timing of such a project, it was a necessary and helpful item to jam into my thoughts. It gave me other focus, aside from always being rocked by grief. The bathroom was terribly ugly, so really and truly needed a face lift. And the bathroom held a fresh and heart-wrenching vision that I could not live with. It had to go. Hence a project and lists of everything from;

• toilet
• paint
• bathtub
• flooring
• wall tiles
• vanity
• etc, etc, etc

These items needed to be written down, as sometimes there were even little items like grout, toilet paper holder, tile edging, nails, etc. I was familiar with living in the midst of renovations and did not mind the chaos. My brain held more chaos, so it fit that outside of my brain also matched that. The point of the renovation though was to create a new fresh space that held beauty. Once it was finally done, it was a beautiful thing. I loved it. It was the first thing that I tackled all by myself, as far as decision making went and I certainly questioned why I was doing it when faced with picking out exactly which toilet and bathtub would be the best fit for my tastes and my budget. There had not been I or Me for a long time and those words felt poisonous in my lungs. I got through it though.

    Today, I still have my lists. Often, I can function with mental lists and can rhyme off half a dozen items that will need attention at some point in the future (ie. roof, floors, master bedroom). I still tuck renovation projects into the list, as you may remember from last month's endeavours. Other life items take precedence in my mental rotary file though (ie. book birthday party, wrap presents, schedule swimming lessons, pay bills). Last week, a couple of items got crossed off my list. Birthday party for my eldest was booked and invitations were handed out today. Swim lessons were debated and booked, but with complications that will hopefully sort themselves out. A big item that has been on my list for probably the better part of a year was finally addressed today as well. Why I have had such a hard time with it and fought the effort mentally I know and do not know. It is begun though. Yes, today I registered my children for school. I will still continue to debate exactly what the best course of action for both my girls with all of this is, but I took a major step. Life moves forward whether we like it or not. In September, my girls will enter the next phase of their lives. The school bell rings and I must stand outside and watch them go. Check something off the list...

The Plan; Nixed!

   Today has not gone according to plan. Funny how that happens when children inhabit your world. In the pre-dawn hours a cry rang out. I was instantly awake, but lay still for a moment. Perhaps it was a dream. No, there it goes again. Tears. The tears of an ear infection. I have heard them many a time before. I can tell by looking at her, listening to her. Yes, Dr Mom dons her hat again. A hug and a kiss. The best medicine. Not enough this morning. A second trip brought Motrin. Go on the pain relief, hopefully go back to sleep train of thought. Tuck back into bed, just about asleep... and again. Water. I know she is not feeling well and I tell myself this as I stumble to the kitchen to get a sippy cup filled with vodka water. Maybe sleep? Nope. Just warm enough to start drifting off again and she whimpers again. I cringe and try to escape under the blankets further. I am sending reiki, therapeutic touch, rainbows and sleeping aids at her from under my pillow, but I hear her open her bedroom door crying. "Make it stop", I whimper to myself. Alas, not to be. I call to her and she finally comes and crawls into bed with me. Kisses and snuggles and finally I win. She drifts off to sleep. I too edge back towards dream land, but am rudely jarred back by the alarm. Grrrr. Snooze. The alarm is insistent though. I have windows being installed this morning. My man proclaimed he wold be here by 8am. The alarm reminds me of this yet again. Finally, I accept my fate. I carefully slide my arm out from under my sleeping baby and head to the shower. She is good and asleep now. Looks blissful. Jealousy will get me nowhere though. Coffee will.

   So I clean the sleep out of my eyes and slip into my jeans. My big girl blearily stumbles into the bathroom with one eye open.

  "Morning," I state.

   Yes, it is. Milk gets poured, followed by the integral coffee. The minutes tick and I wonder if our agreed upon time was 8:30, not eight. I could have got a few minutes more sleep! R materializes in the kitchen rubbing groggily at her face. Time to call the doctor. I have been anticipating this since last week. An appointment is set and I check the clock again. Now I have to be to the doctor by 10:15 and have my eldest dropped off at daycare beforehand. Still no windows.  At 9:00 I call my guy. Are we still on, I postulate. I suggest that I thought we had a date for 8am. He is on his way and asks what time it is. He sounds surprised to hear it is already nine, but promises to be there in 15-20 minutes. Hrmph. Starting to count minutes now. Kids into snow suits and we are out the day as he pulls in. He jokes that he won't steal my flat screen TV and I laugh. Yeah, right. It is a hand-me-down old-school model. Don't steal the kids toys. I am off. One kid down and we arrive at the doctor's with a few minutes to spare. No big deal, as we wait for half an hour to get in to see her. Luckily my "sick" child entertains everyone in the waiting room with her stuffies and hellos. Yeah, I really needed that emergency appointment. Paranoid Mommy moment? Nah, I am justified by another raging ear infection. Good times. We drop off her prescription, pick up money for windows, then pick up her prescription hoping to still find my house standing and maybe with new windows in place. The guys are still there. They are almost done. And you know what? The windows look great!

Winter winds

   Alas, No windows today. The wind is howling and it is darn cold. My guy did not want the windows to crack and I don't really want to have big gaping openings as he maneuvers windows in place. Yes David, I have broken down and admitted there is something I cannot do. I cannot install windows. In truth, I do not want to install windows. I am super-Mom extraordinaire, but I have to put my foot down somewhere. So, no windows for me. Actually, I even cheated and had a friend install one of the light fixtures I bought. Again, something I have never done, but have seen done so many times I feel I could do it successfully. I told someone that asked me how I know how to do all my little projects (ie. mudding, sanding, etc.) and my answer was osmosis. When you play assistant time and time again, you really do pick up most of the tricks. It just requires one extra little thing called confidence. Or maybe obstinance? Stubbornness? Hmm, ah, we will give me the benefit of the doubt and just call it a sense of safety. Still hold a good wallop of fear over electricity, engines and most power tools. I am willing to push my envelope though. I try.
   So, since I am released from window detail today, I should probably pick up another task. I did some grocery shopping and need to cut some roasts up to put in the freezer. Also bought a colourful organizer cart for the girls for their arts and crafts. Some assembly required. And I also picked up anchors finally. No excuse now not to finish hanging the last of the living room paraphernalia. Off I go then. Bye!

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Put your paintbrushes down
Slowly, slowly. That's it.

It is done.

That's right. You heard me. The last coat of paint is drying on the bay window. The brushes and rollers are downstairs washed and drying. And I don't even have to go flying out the door to pick up the kids and deliver them to a wet world. AMAZING. To be fair the room has not yet been put back together, but OMG the paint cans are GONE!! I have even hung a couple of pictures. I haven't tried my hand at the electrical yet, but I thought I would share (just in case that step goes badly). AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Chinese?

Finished product...

Unfinished product...

Ugh. It won't end. Led to chinese restaurant for dinner. Good, as I have been nothing but grumpy. I figured it was the one nice thing I could do for the girls today.

Exhausted fingers bang out a feeble attempt at a blog post - Day 6 in Reno Land

   I am exhausted. It is 9:05 as I write this and I think I might just go to bed when I finish my post. I have no witticisms tonight. I continued on my quest to redo my living room. The girls and I went to buy more paint this morning and also picked up two new light fixtures for the front door and hallway. We returned home for lunch and when they went down for nap, I grudgingly picked up a paint brush again. Today's task was trim. I suppose I only started around one this afternoon, but I kept at it till dinner. Even then, I only stopped long enough to eat my gourmet chicken pie and noodles and sauce, then pushed myself back to the task at hand. By just before bedtime all the crown mold and baseboard was painted, as well as all the trim around doorways. Perhaps I just work slow, but alas I did not get the doors painted (there are 7 of them). Also, I need to put a second coat of paint on the half wall at the front door and sand the bay window. Of course once the bay window is sanded, it too will need to see paint. Tonight I just don't care anymore though. I did manage to swiffer a little bit of the floor and dust the wine rack, cabinet and end table. They were put back into place. The vacuum needs to make an appearance though before too much more can be moved back into place. I cannot lift another finger though tonight. I give up. And as for tomorrow? On the seven day after creating my world, I shall rest. I promised the girls we would do something fun. They have put up with a lot while I have been busy transforming our world. Either outside play (skating, snowmen?) or a play space of some kind is in order. Monday is another day...

Day 5 - Will it Ever End?

   Ok, I am feeling tired. It is shortly after 4:00 PM and I have knocked off for the day. While I have to admit my living room looks heaps better, I just want it done now! Perhaps a cocktail will perk me up?

   There, that's better! Now where was I? Sip my daiquiri, ahh "turn me loose, turn me loose, turn me loose. I gotta do it my way!" That is what I am doing. Painting my way! I have been listening to to BOB FM this week to keep me company while the work slogs along. Their motto is 80s, 90s and whatever. It amuses me if nothing else (Foreigner, Gowan, Nickleback, Prince, U2 - pretty eclectic). It also helps to give background noise to my brain as it drifts along on the paint fumes. I have attempted conversations on the phone, but find it difficult to stick my tongue out of the side of my mouth, wield a paint brush and think up articulate thoughts in response to friends. Nope, BOB is the perfect background fluff to the single-minded determination to transform my world. If I can convince the girls to let me paint one more day, tomorrow will be even more pertinent to have no distractions. Tomorrow is the hardest day of them all. Tomorrow I have to paint trim. I dread it. Thus far, everything is pretty forgiving. Once I begin the trim though, it is precision work. I am not so good at precision. In words yes, but take away my thesaurus and the world is just good enough. I must try to keep a steady hand. phhauuuughhh. Yuck. I sense the expletives already. I am just about there though. I will persevere and perhaps look forward to a world without paint in it for a moment or two (my bedroom is still on the list of rooms to paint. Colour is picked. Last room to paint). For today,  I close  my dear readers with picks of my progress. Hopefully tomorrow I will step in to the world of cleaning and putting my world back together. That is another days project though.

Be well.

Getting there - Day 4

   So I figured I would inundate you with more gory details of my week's progress. I managed to get out and buy another gallon of paint this morning, as well as supplies for dinner this evening. I returned home with all my purchases, bent my head to the floor, took a deep breath and picked up the paint brush. It began. I edged everything, blotting out the peach from my world. I rolled the edger around and around, but also wielded the paint brush into corners it could not reach or precision areas around the ceiling. I just painted the ceiling yesterday and damned if I wanted to do that again! Careful, careful and around we go! Amazingly, I finally met up with the beginning. I put the paint brush down and turned to my next weapon of choice; the roller.Ah, a beautiful thing that just seems to make work go quicker. Slip roller into tray, saturate roller with paint, whisk roller to a new spot on the wall and continue. Roll, roll, roll. The radio occasionally rhymed off the hour and I half-hazardly noted the minutes disappearing in my day.

   "Must keep rolling", I advised myself. "I will feed you when we are done.(if there is any edible food in the fridge)."

   What a slave driver! I reached the end of the room and the end of the can of paint at miraculously the same time. Oh joy, oh bliss the can covered it! Even better, I could eat! No rest yet though. I had 45 minutes to eat, make dinner, clean the bathroom and somewhat mop the floors. I slapped together a mediocre sandwich of cheese, pickles and lettuce (home-made pickles don't you know!) and ate it while I dumped beef into a pot. Chili was on the menu for the adults and the children were to dine on gourmet hot dogs. Yum. When the onions and tomatoes sizzled and simmered I retreated to the bathroom. I cannot stand a dirty bathroom and the dust was killing me! So, while occasionally popping out to stir the chili pot and through in a spice or two, I whicked away the offending drywall dust that had accumulated everywhere. With the bathroom more sparkly, I tasted the chili, added more chili powder and pulled out my swiffer wet jet. I feel silly for even owning one of these new fangled fad-things, but it did the trick in the hallway. I only managed to unearth the original wood in the hallway and add more spices to the chili pot before it was time to go. The kid's daycare was closing early, so It would all just have to do. Here is what you have been missing.

So far I have one coat of paint throughout, but another coat is yet to be done. If I could finish there I would be thrilled, but alas, there is much trim to paint. Baseboard, crown mold and a bay window need freshening up before I can call this little project near to done. What else could I possibly have to do, you ask? Just the last ugly task that will probably just about kill me. Yes, to clean. Lord, I wish I was a better house wife, but I hate to clean. Bathrooms are an exception, but the rest of my house challenges me. At present there is a nice fat coating of dust on just about everything. The floor is the easy part. I tried to be smart and move plants to safer climes, but there are a few that I could write my initials on at present. If I can keep my momentum going, it will be a wonderful, deliriously happy day that I will be able to celebrate, but I also know me too well. I seem to have a knack of not quite finishing projects (note: my basement renovations from last year were immaculate and done, but for the runner on the stairs, that never got purchased, let alone installed ...sigh) Please let this project wind up smoothly and completely done. Please, please and soon! I know that my will will fade before I can blink and I dread another unfinished mess. so to paint again I go... tomorrow!

Change of plans for Day 3

There might be a slight change in final deadline in my present project. My littlest girl was up last night throwing up. Once just after bedtime and then again at 5:30 AM. She was fine this morning, but banned from daycare for the day. Alas, alack-a-day, what can I say? I still managed to clean the walls this morning, in between setting up craft projects. We just had macaroni and cheese (her absolute favourite). When she goes down for nap, I will paint the ceiling. I don't anticipate the walls will see paint today now. Hopefully tomorrow...
Ciao

Mud wars

I have taken a break for lunch. My living room looks like a mud bomb went off there. It is absolutely, insanely covered in blick mud. I am going to embarrass myself by showing you the work in progress.

This is what my living room wall looks like at the break.

   This is all fine and dandy, but the next step is going to be infinitely worse. Once all this skim coat is dry I have to sand everything. Now we are talking serious mess. uuhhhh...

   Ok, I have to go and get some old sheets to drape over everything that is still in the living room. See ya later! When you see me next I am sure I will be looking like Casper the ghost, but I will be one step closer to paint. Gotta go...

Step 1: Ugly wallpaper gone

Oh my GOD! What have I done? This is going to be SOOooooo much work! Ackk.

What pray tell am I talking about? This...

And this...

And even down here...

   Renovations begin again. The wallpaper is gone thanks to help for my good friend Nancy, but the work is just beginning. The wallpaper peeled off a good chunk of paint with it, thankfully taking the backing with it, but jeez! Now I have to sand the walls! The mirror that had been at the end of the wall was about fifty million pounds (give or take), therefore absolutely monstrous plugs were used to hold it up. They came out easy enough, but I am going to be playing in mud for a while before I can even think about paint. A little TSP has been suggested as well, as I should clean the walls (step 4 in case you were counting- Oh you're not? Well I am!). Finally I will get a chance to wield a paint brush and roller, when the ceiling gets slathered. Then, finally then, the walls will see some colour (I bought paint that has primer in it, so at least that is one step I get to skip - I'll let you know how it turns out if you are interested.). Hopefully the colour I have chosen works out or else I will be back to the paint store to stare at the wall of paint chips for another hour. The colour I chose was Sand Fossil. Sounds exciting doesn't it? Yeah, it's beige. Whipdee, but I think it will work with what else is going on in the room. I won't see it for a while yet though, so we will see. So, home stretch, but not quite done at that point. Oh no, I have trim to tackle as well. I am sure there are many of you out there that are experts and have no problem with precision, but this is where it gets niggly in my books. There is crown mold and baseboard and a bay window with a nice window nook. All need to get painted. To top it all off, I have this...

That I do not want to deal with at all. This wall is at my front door and all it serves to do is block out valuable sunlight. I would love to tear it down, but still want something there. Just not this. For the interim, it will probably see paint as well though. Perhaps in the spring I will have it reconstructed, but today I shake my head at the tasks in front of me. I bemoaned that this would take me months to complete to Nancy and David as I left them this afternoon.

   "It has to be done by Thursday when we come for dinner!" Nancy stated with a smirk.

Groan! I think I have to go now. I have some mud that is calling my name...