Days pass,
steady in their march.
Days pass
standing tall,
I lean into their grace.
Some days
bowed to memory,
bent with responsibility,
shoulders sore with strain;
some days
I break.
I break
as I need to.
I break
and pour forth
all the tears hidden in
carefully concealed caverns.
I break
full of emotion
overwhelmed by today,
this moment
Now.
This day
shuddering shoulders squeeze
so inglorious with spit and snot.
I shake the sorrows out
spent.
This day
Now,
in my weak and wilted way
I lie down
giving up control.
I am not all.
I am just me
doing what I can do
getting stronger for the journey
Now
This is fraught with emotional struggle. It feels a little sad, but I'm not sure that's what it is. It also felt necessary. Powerful piece.
ReplyDeletethere is a lot of humility in your words k...know you are not all...and that sometimes you have to break...and stronger you will be because of it...nice one shot!
ReplyDeleteKatherine - i'm always thankful for feedback on my poems - even more as english is not my first language. Sometimes i make weird mistakes and maybe mix up tenses. So your feedback is very, very welcome!
ReplyDeleteI love your poem about those weak days we all have i guess - you describe the feelings that go with a day like this so, so well
There's healing in the breaking. And a beauty in it, too.
ReplyDeleteI like your use throughout of alliteration. The flow of the poem is natural and unveiling. It is as though you begin the unwrapping early and it progresses throughout the day and throughout you sense a little of you is lost with time, a bit you can't recapture and it breaks you a little every day. Nice piece. I enjoyed it. Thanks. Gay
ReplyDeletethere is nothing wrong with an occassional Break!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written
Have we not all felt the tensions of stress edging closer and closer? I often try to run, but you cannot hide. When I cannot take anymore I break. For a long time I felt as if I was failing, but I find release in the moments when I can just admit to myself that I cannot do it all. Tears act as catharsis and somehow lighten the load. Last week had some of that in it. I am finally seeing the healing in the moments that I allow myself to break. Thank you Talon, Brian, Patti and G-Man.
ReplyDeleteA special thank you to Claudia for popping by. I felt that I wanted to throw in my honest thoughts on your poem, but immediately questioned how you would take my critique. I think you are a beautiful poet and it is even more impressive knowing that your poetry comes filtered through a second language. A big old WOW! from me.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you Gay and thanks for stopping by today. I too liked how the alliteration flowed in the piece. It gave a little something to the verse that helped it along.
ReplyDeleteSome days it all will seems to come
ReplyDeleteToo much even on shoulders strong
Broken, sore tears shad overwhelming
Control is not in thee for you are one
The journey yet done but still gathering
Strength for the journey yet taken
even in the break I feel strength. Just like a healed broken bone is now stronger.
ReplyDeleteNicely penned
thanks for sharing with One shot
Moon Smiles
nicely written if you can say that about such a subject...
ReplyDeletethe following line brought the realism of what you were feeling into play...
so inglorious with spit and snot.
a very good poem..cheers pete
"Now,
ReplyDeletein my weak and wilted way
I lie down
giving up control."
What an incredibly beautiful line. In giving up my control, I always seem to discover the most power.
Excellent poem!
Whew-- beautiful! and personal, yet very universal. I truly felt this one-- great job!
ReplyDeletehttp://mairmusic.wordpress.com/