for all that changes, we stay the same

   So, after a few days being tied to the house I have been set free for a day. Little R is riding the motrin wave and flying high. In fact, she was up at 6:30 this morning. Very unseasonable for a little girl who usually peeks out from under her covers closer to 7:45 ish. My girls appreciate sleeping in. I like that, as so do I. She cuddled for a little bit, then tired of trying to lie still and quiet, as Mommy pretended to drift back to sleep. It didn't really happen. She did eventually head off in search of the TV though. Bad Mommy tucked back under snuggly warm blankets and tried to remember where I was in my dream. Ack, day has begun...
   When I did eventually rise, the sun was streaming in through the windows. It looked like a beautiful morning, that deserved embracing. Sniff. Motivation just not up to snuff yet though. After dosing everyone with their morning meds, we headed out to face the day. Despite complaints from R that she wanted another medicine and tears that she wasn't getting it, we left the house. I expected her to attach herself to my leg at Daycare, after spending the last two days with me, but she entered the room with her regular smiles. Kisses goodbye and the day was mine!
   The day is mine. Sigh. Now the clouds have reformed. Oh well. I saw an old friend at my new yoga class this morning, but missed my other class terribly. Hugs to you Randolph! A nice treat was tea and cookies afterwards though. It was a lovely social setting that I appreciated. Wellspring truly is a magical place. I pray you don't, but if you ever have need it is a wonderfully supporting place. At times I have wondered whether it truly was the place for me, but any time I question I get a resounding "YES" from any and all. The people that walk through their doors have seen such adversity and yes, I am one. I have lived through a cancer journey. I may not have had the disease myself, but as caregiver I have permanaently been painted as well. For some reason it has been weighing with me again this last little while. Oh gray skies! Just blow away already! I need some sunshine in my soul. Pleasant activities in the next little while should help. Dinner with friends after swimming, a playdate tomorrow and birthday party on the weekend. Smiling children tend to rub off on you. Here's hoping
   I am anticipating responses, so send out big thank yous to "me", R and L. Knowing that friends are out there and caring makes the day a little brighter.
Namaste

Face the list

   Well, I had hopes for today, but plans dashed again. Ah, who I am kidding? I dropped the girls at daycare and went to stare into a coffee cup at my favourite coffee shop. I made a list of things that I should/could be doing now and in the near future. I then promptly threw my handy dandy memo pad back into my purse and took my coffee to go see some artist friends. Screw lists, I would watch artists in action. I arrived  and immediately started winging about the fact that my cat has decided to test my strength of self again by peeing in the upstairs bathroom. Worse, that she peed on my daughter's sweater yesterday, which I discovered when I was picking her up at the end of the day. Gross. Truly, it was not even me that noticed it, but another parent that was picking up her son and thought that maybe he had an accident. Nope, it was my daughter. Smelling of cat pee. Poor thing stunk. Yuck. As I sat and got sympathy for my woes and suggestions of what to do (they are both experienced at the cat pee issue), my phone rang. It never rings. Except when the daycare calls. Which is who it was. Sigh...

   So I have picked up my sad little girlie and tucked her into the couch. She is topped up with Motrin and will hopefully feel better when she wakes. I am playing a little avoidance, by sitting at the computer, but seem to be coming to the end of my post. So alas, I shall go work on striking a few things off my list that was created this morning;

• clean the house
• pay bills

Perhaps tomorrow will be a new day...

The Plan; Nixed!

   Today has not gone according to plan. Funny how that happens when children inhabit your world. In the pre-dawn hours a cry rang out. I was instantly awake, but lay still for a moment. Perhaps it was a dream. No, there it goes again. Tears. The tears of an ear infection. I have heard them many a time before. I can tell by looking at her, listening to her. Yes, Dr Mom dons her hat again. A hug and a kiss. The best medicine. Not enough this morning. A second trip brought Motrin. Go on the pain relief, hopefully go back to sleep train of thought. Tuck back into bed, just about asleep... and again. Water. I know she is not feeling well and I tell myself this as I stumble to the kitchen to get a sippy cup filled with vodka water. Maybe sleep? Nope. Just warm enough to start drifting off again and she whimpers again. I cringe and try to escape under the blankets further. I am sending reiki, therapeutic touch, rainbows and sleeping aids at her from under my pillow, but I hear her open her bedroom door crying. "Make it stop", I whimper to myself. Alas, not to be. I call to her and she finally comes and crawls into bed with me. Kisses and snuggles and finally I win. She drifts off to sleep. I too edge back towards dream land, but am rudely jarred back by the alarm. Grrrr. Snooze. The alarm is insistent though. I have windows being installed this morning. My man proclaimed he wold be here by 8am. The alarm reminds me of this yet again. Finally, I accept my fate. I carefully slide my arm out from under my sleeping baby and head to the shower. She is good and asleep now. Looks blissful. Jealousy will get me nowhere though. Coffee will.

   So I clean the sleep out of my eyes and slip into my jeans. My big girl blearily stumbles into the bathroom with one eye open.

  "Morning," I state.

   Yes, it is. Milk gets poured, followed by the integral coffee. The minutes tick and I wonder if our agreed upon time was 8:30, not eight. I could have got a few minutes more sleep! R materializes in the kitchen rubbing groggily at her face. Time to call the doctor. I have been anticipating this since last week. An appointment is set and I check the clock again. Now I have to be to the doctor by 10:15 and have my eldest dropped off at daycare beforehand. Still no windows.  At 9:00 I call my guy. Are we still on, I postulate. I suggest that I thought we had a date for 8am. He is on his way and asks what time it is. He sounds surprised to hear it is already nine, but promises to be there in 15-20 minutes. Hrmph. Starting to count minutes now. Kids into snow suits and we are out the day as he pulls in. He jokes that he won't steal my flat screen TV and I laugh. Yeah, right. It is a hand-me-down old-school model. Don't steal the kids toys. I am off. One kid down and we arrive at the doctor's with a few minutes to spare. No big deal, as we wait for half an hour to get in to see her. Luckily my "sick" child entertains everyone in the waiting room with her stuffies and hellos. Yeah, I really needed that emergency appointment. Paranoid Mommy moment? Nah, I am justified by another raging ear infection. Good times. We drop off her prescription, pick up money for windows, then pick up her prescription hoping to still find my house standing and maybe with new windows in place. The guys are still there. They are almost done. And you know what? The windows look great!

Sunshine walk

I needed some fresh air and sunshine.

So I went for a walk near my house.

It was still, but for a few companions

and evidence of others in days past.

I soaked it all in

with my senses admiring the world around me

scents, colours, sounds

Life in small steps

Sunshine on my Table

Sunshine on my table

I had a really nice visit with my folks last night. We stayed up too late and probably drank too much, but aren't suffering as much as we could have been. As is my wont, problems of the world were tackled. We don't necessarily solve them, but we bond and make our worlds better because of it. The rough mornings that sometimes follow late night ramblings are accepted as penance for over-imbibing, but I would not change them. A strong bond is forged in love and understanding. We make mistakes. We walk paths that are strewn with the debris of life's challenges. Together we hold hands and look at the path and make peace with the journey. We recognize that it is not always easy. Time gives insight. Family is there. Their role changes with time's passing. They will be family forever. Today their beauty is in friendship.