tissue paper hands

If I squeeze too tight

tissue paper hands will tear

my dying vigil

your forehead's stress lines

passed to survivors

In memory of my grandmother, Margaret McLeod
RIP

Measure

Daily updates
from my phone
no change...
no change...
never any change;
but the worst is in store.

Three, the number of 
weeks one can live without food...
You have been going on eight months.
No solids have passed your lips.
No voluntary movements towards fork or spoon.
How does a body survive on memory alone?

Three, the number of 
days one can live without water...
You stopped drinking two months ago.
Occasionally thirst will get the better of you
and a dixie cup can be coaxed between lips;
that third day must be the charm.

The number of spilled tears
counted in family;
children, grandchildren, great grandchildren.
The amount of sweat equity 
counted in people;
nurses, doctors, support staff.

This is what a life comes down to
at the end of a day;
measuring tears, sips and breathes
until they all run dry,
but today's update:
about the same...

Missing Steps

Missing Steps by Paul Cavanagh, © 2015, Not That London, Publisher

Dean Lajeunesse has a chip on his shoulder. He was only 10 when his father first started showing signs of early-onset Alzheimer's. Back then, no one knew that the erratic behaviour, memory lapses, and withdrawal from normal everyday activities were signs of a disease. They were embarrassing at best, and stress-inducing every step of the way for everyone touched by his father's illness.

Dean's mother coped the best she could; she worked several jobs, leaned on the neighbours when they needed to borrow their vehicle to track down Dean's Dad after he had wandered off, and tried to stay stoic in the face of his worsening condition.

Dean's brother Perry lost himself in sports, extracurricular activities, and his school studies. Any closeness that had existed between brothers was lost in the confusion surrounding their father's illness.

And Dean? He was left to figure out his Dad's dementia on his own. His response was to draw away from everything and everyone. And even after his father was hospitalized, institutionalized, and then died, Dean still refused to step out of his own shell.

Flash forward several decades and not much has changed for Dean. He is still loathe to let people in to his life and blames others for his lack of intimacy and overall success. But when his boss pulls him into his office to discuss his recent questionable behaviours and erratic performance at work, Dean can't help but fear that perhaps his father's Alzheimer's has struck him. Before he can think too much about it though, he is summoned to his mother's bedside and discovers not only that she is dying, but that his big brother Perry, who was always the successful and popular one, has been diagnosed with the dreaded Alzheimer's disease. And the years of animosity, standoffishness, and enforced separation come tumbling down when their truths are laid bare.

Paul Cavanagh doesn't aim to have you like his characters, but as his stories unfold, you learn to understand them and perhaps get a little insight as to why they act the way they do. We are all formed from the experiences we live, but we don't have to be stuck in their shadows. With a little honesty and insight, we can learn or perhaps unlearn a lifetime's worth of lessons. Sometimes we just have to give life a chance to show us the way and accept help when it is offered.

All Waiting is Long

All Waiting is Long by Barbara J. Taylor, © 2016, Akashic Books

The generous folks at Akashic Books often send me emails regarding books they are publishing. When I heard that Barbara J Taylor had a sequel out to Sing in the Morning, Cry at Night, I jumped at the chance to read it. And it didn't take long to get through.

As the book opens, sisters Violet and Lily Morgan arrive at the back door of the Good Shepherd Infant Asylum. The front door is only for doctors, adoptive families, benefactors and the clergy; and the girls are none of these things. Lily has gotten herself pregnant at age 16 and her older sister Violet has agreed to accompany her to the asylum as a cover story so no one will guess her real predicament—her illegitimate pregnancy. The problem is that when Lily delivers the baby, Violet struggles to abandon the girl to strangers.

As the years pass, the girls clash and struggle from the decisions made years before. Taylor deftly weaves a tale that quickly pulls you in wondering what will become of them and the lies they've propped up around themselves to make it all work. Will their relationship survive? And if the truth were to come out, what would their husbands, family and the townsfolk think?

I won't spoil the novel any more than that, but suffice to say, if you enjoyed 'Sing in the Morning, Cry at Night', you won't be disappointed with Taylor's newest novel.

Thanks again to Akashic Books for offering me the chance to read an advance copy of 'All Waiting is Long'! Another great read from the Kaylie Jones Books line.

bloom

on this spring day
the flowers bloom
birds return
and life renews

the hollow space
inside my heart
tears a little bit
gets blown apart

so many days
dark winter knew
silent as the grave
left feeling blue

shall i own them now
or cast pall aside
blossoms burst to life
time for joy's stride

violet blush

sweet blush of my cheeks

hope blossoms eternally

our renewal sings

~

My Journey

I began blogging in 2009. I have written the story of how I came to blogging before, but am still grateful to Gord for pointing the way to what has become a lifestyle and career for me. It has been a journey which has taken many twists and turns, but the words have led me through. 

Those words have shown up in many places. This blog was my first, but certainly not the only place where I've written. Few know of the small blog I started to work out a little more of my grief journey. It was short-lived and didn't have many entries, but some of them were rather insightful. 

For whatever reason today, I found myself perusing that old blog. I suppose I can guess what drew me there. It's April; the month in which I was married, bought the house I live in now, and on April 1st, 2007 Brad was hospitalized with what looked like a stroke, but which ended up being a bleed in his brain. The cause; his cancer had spread and was now inoperable and fatal. 

April was an awful month for years. In 2008 I found myself retreating back into a worse state, not realizing it was a grief wave set in motion due to anniversary stress. By 2009, I knew to expect the awful choking memories and residual grief surges which flared during this difficult time period. In the years that followed, the waves were less difficult to maneuver, but still there none the less.

Today, I still feel the effects from a time period that smashed the world as I knew it. April 1st was the anniversary of the beginning of the end of my life with Brad. He will be gone nine years this summer. It is hard to believe sometimes, but I cannot imagine my life any other way now. Much has come and gone since then, but it's still hard not to feel his presence in April. And I guess that's alright.

So today I thought I would share an old post from a time long ago. I feel it held hope, which makes me glad for that woman who was days away from the 4th anniversary of impending loss. And those words offered pretty sage advice, if I do say so myself.

~~~

MY JOURNEY

March 25th, 2011;

Listen

When those that walk the earth take flight

we cry and tear our hair so tight,

but listen quiet and you'll hear

their footsteps follow always near.

When we have known someone, they leave an imprint on our soul. That cannot be erased. A loved one's voice will always be there to comfort and guide the way, if you but just listen...

winter moss

breathing  in  the  moment
I walk purposeful with soul
world encompassing

late winter sparkles

hints of green life

here I stand

touched by a gift

for my eyes

~

frost touches

I'm
waiting
for the day
when the frost melts
and sweet life unfurls,
bursts magically forth
from my cold, tight
embrace.

I'm waiting...
to embrace magic
frost touches
furled life
melted
love
cold

wait
today is
life, sweet
blooming buds
melting heart
Magic...

Steps

A New Year
a new day...
More of the same, like days gone by?
~ hoping for more I pray.

Prayers are good and fine,
but actions beget more.
It's time to take life in mine own hands
and create a path to explore.

Idle steps lead nowhere fast;
if I want to find life and pep
the route to this door, this trail
starts today in my chosen step

So walk along, I wander;
my route mine to choose.
This year, a year of purpose
peace and happiness—the goal, to not abuse

What path have you set yourself on in 2016?

sky

dreaming of the sky

just a few rungs higher up

my infinity

Foreshadow

wind blows snows follow

wan November furlough

winter foreshadow

~

Remember Them

Children's voices 

raised in song.

No words uttered

to interrupt the psalm.

Poppies placed

row upon row.

Honour, respect;

all remembered by those.

The men and women

who gave their lives,

a fight for freedom

with battle cries.

My children's voices

I proudly hear,

today remember

and hold your memories dear.

We thank you all

who have served in courage

without sacrifices bold

our world discouraged.

Today 

our children 

solemn sing

to you a gift

their offering.

Thank you

We Remember

~

Ghost Boy

Ghost Boy by Martin Pistorius, ©2013, Thomas Nelson Publishers

Every parent's worst fear is to have their child fall ill. When you cannot diagnose the illness, it is that much more frustrating. When that illness leaves your child without the ability to walk, freely move their limbs, or even talk, it reaches nightmare proportions. That was the reality for Martin Pistorius' parents.

Martin had a normal childhood. He liked legos, loved riding his bike and was a quiet, but conscientious boy. At the age of 12 though, he fell mysteriously ill. Doctors ran test upon test, but came up with no conclusive diagnosis for a little boy who was rapidly fading away from his family and life. They advised his parents to prepare for the worst and to move him into a medical center, so they would not have to be burdened with his care. With that, they washed their hands of him, telling his distraught parents there was nothing more they could do.

Miraculously, Martin woke up. Unfortunately for him, no one recognized that he was conscious behind the shell of a body that drooled, spasmodically moved and remained silent. Slowly, Martin became aware of his world again, but without the ability to communicate, wished that he hadn't. He still couldn't speak, had no control over his limbs, and even less control over what the people around him did to him. And some of the things done to him were atrocious.

Ghost Boy recounts the true story of Martin Pistorius' reawakening and the struggle he went through to regain his life. He chronicles the abuse he suffered, the pain at his lack of communication, and the frustration he struggled with at feeling removed from the world. When one caring woman recognizes there is more to Martin than a vacant body and mind, his life is transformed, but the struggle to find the words to fit in are harder than he could ever imagine. For it is communication which opens the door to enter the world which he craved for so long. Having been denied the words and the power to even think of himself as a man, walking through that door is a learning curve. Faith and determination are the crutches that get him there and beyond.

Can you imagine living in a world where people look through you, make all your decisions for you, and regulate every moment of your day? That was Martin's world. And it should make quite the topic of conversation for the ladies in my book club when we meet later this week. Ghost Boy is a quick read, but intensively powerful. And it will make you appreciate your life just a little bit more.

Autumn

Autumn's tender rays

whisper of summer's last days

fleeting memory

Rich Habits, Rich Life

Rich Habits, Rich Life: The Power of "Me We Do Be" Habits Rituals and Routines, by Randall Bell, PhD, © 2016, Owners Manual Press

Randall Bell has travelled the world and seen many things, good and bad. He has a PhD in Human Organizational Systems and an MBA from UCLA, not to mention 25 years worth of experience consulting on tragedies around the world, like the 9/11 World Trade Center disaster, the Bikini Atoll nuclear testing, the Heaven's Gate mass suicides and the OJ Simpson case. He is also an avid volunteer with youth groups and homeless people, not to mention a married father of four. All of these experiences add up to a life that could leave a man jaded about people and the world. That is not the case with Bell though.

In Rich Habits, Rich Life, Bell sets out the four cornerstones of positive thoughts and actions which make for a rich life. He labels them; Me, We, Do Be—but they more than just simple words. These cornerstones underpin a way of thinking which can help to transform a life and bring a greater sense of joy to it.

Me: something to believe - personal habits
We: something to love - relationship building
Do: something to do - improve productivity
Be: someone to become - work towards the future

Throughout Bell's book he offers examples of how people he has come across have made choices in their lives. These personal choices have often lead to positive thinking and action, and in turn, a better place for the individual in the world, frequently despite huge hardships. Many sidebars site statistics highlighting rich habits and how they benefit a life. For example, Rich Habit #14 is Be Kind and bar graphs back up his words "Those who tend to smile and speak positively are 43.5% more likely to be happy. If that doesn't cut it, they are also up to 46% more likely to be millionaires." Seems like an easy thing to do to move your life in a more positive direction, doesn't it?

At the end of each cornerstone chapter he gives concrete examples of things you can do to improve your own Me We Do Be habits to connect you to a higher power. Many of them are easy steps, like "When a negative thought comes, think of something positive" for a Me habit, "Sit down to a family dinner _ times per week" for a We habit, "Make the bed every morning" for a Do habit, and "Spend _ minutes planning out your day" for a Be habit. None of the tasks are especially onerous, but Bell suggests that taking the time to add positive thoughts and actions can make all the difference to giving you a richer and more fulfilling life.

Heck, I already eat dinner with my children every night, get a physical every year, and am working on writing a book. That means I might be on my way to a decent life already. Of course, there are a few areas that could still use some work and Bell has some persuasive arguments to that end. I might have to keep this book handy to keep my inspiration up when spirits flag.

Thank you to Ascot Media for sending me a copy of Bell's forthcoming book to review.

Fire

Fire burns bright

in anticipation

of future

endeavours

I fan the flames

of my intended success

with hope and 

enthusiasm

the challenge;

to keep adding the fuel,

to believe in

me

Talent for Humanity

Talent for Humanity: Stories of Creativity, Compassion, and Courage to Inspire You on Your Journey, edited by Patrick Gaffney, © 2015, Greenleaf Book Group Press

It should be no secret that I support the arts. I have worked with teachers and artists to share their creativity and message with a wider audience. I promote other writers so that their words can find homes farther afield than their own heads. And I work with small businesses who strive every day to make their own small corner of the world a better place, one day at a time.

So when Marissa Madill contacted me wondering if I would be interested in reviewing Talent for Humanity, and I read the brief book blurb, I immediately agreed. It is a book filled with inspiration from a variety of creative minds who strive to change their own corners of the world, and in so doing have created positive ripples far beyond their own backyards. This collection of stories highlights seven people and their courage to transform the world. From photojournalists to musicians, clowns to teachers, these people felt a raw need for peace in the world. Injustice was often at the heart of it. Whether they were the ones to feel the sting of it themselves or just incapable of ignoring it any longer, all of the contributors to this book took the step to do something about it. And an organization by the name of Talent for Humanity, under the helm of Thierry Sanchez, gathered those inspiring stories together.

The thread that runs through the book is what the talented individuals featured within its pages have done. The point of the book is bigger than those stories though. Each of the people featured in the book have taken steps to transform the world with their own individual talents. Their stories are told and a letter to humanity written by them is shared at the end of each chapter. At the end of the book, a request for the reader's stories is extended. Talent for Humanity wants to know what you do to make the world a better place, how you transform your small piece of it in big or little ways. It doesn't have to be as big as starting a company or raising millions of dollars. It can be as little as one simple act of kindness, like shovelling a neighbour's driveway in the winter. They want you to share though, so that those kindnesses can radiate throughout the universe and make us all vibrate a little brighter.

As for me, I volunteer at my children's school, so that welcome activities can be added, like hot lunches, book sales and field trips. I do my best to work with companies that I admire for their ability to give back to the community and the world in small ways. I try to raise my children to be honest, caring individuals, who value the arts, their community, and the people who comprise them. Everyone has an inherent value and I cannot help but see that and try to instill that compassion in my children as well. These are little things, but they radiate out into the world and small pebbles of compassion come back to me in unexpected forms and moments. When they do, I try to recognize them and give thanks. Just like I am doing right now.

Thank you for sharing these powerful tales with me Marissa. The stories were inspiring and beautifully told. May more stories flow your way.

*If you want to share your own tales of humanity, go to Talent for Humanity and add your voice.

www.talentforhumanity.org

The Children's Crusade

The Children's Crusade, by Ann Packer, © 2015, Scribner

Oak trees are well known symbols of power and strength. Whatever culture you look at resonates that thought in some manner or other. So when Bill Blair stumbles across a magnificent oak tree in California after his discharge from the navy, he makes the decision to purchase the land with visions of a family in mind.

Several years later, the oak tree is the central grounding space for the Blair family. Bill marries Penny and they quickly have four children. But Penny's vision had always been three and when James shakes up her plan, life will never be the same. Robert, Rebecca and Ryan were all she thought she wanted, but once motherhood surrounds her, she finds she cannot breath. And slowly she disconnects from it to follow a passion for art, leaving Bill and the children behind.

As Ann Packer weaves the tale of the Blair family, the perspective jumps between the children's views of the world they were raised in. They all take turns analyzing their relationship with their doting father and a mother whom they had strived to interest in them to no avail. Packer shows a family growing up, finding their ways into adulthood and encourages her readers to question how those years mold us into who we might become. Does an ambivalent mother account for James' chaotic behaviour in his youth and into an adulthood fraught with bad decisions and questionable actions? Would Bill's methodical parenting have been the reason for Rebecca's always analytical take on life? Where did Robert's anger stem from—being first-born and infused with the sense he had to be first/best at everything, yet not measuring up to those expectations? And sensitive Ryan; how did his quiet, loving soul get formed in the midst of the oft-times chaos that was their family life growing up?

This book will be the first novel discussed when my book club resumes this fall and I believe it will spark interesting dialogue. I suspect different people will associate with one or another characters. And the role of mothering versus following one's own personal goals might be a hot-button conversation amongst our members, who consist of both mothers and those whom have not had children for one reason and another. Where is the fine line between finding one's personal joy and being responsible for the children you have chosen to bring into the world?

If you have read the book, what is your take on it? The novel is a compelling read and has found its way onto the favourite lists of many people. Is it that we can all relate to Packer's dysfunctional family in one way or another? Perhaps. Life is never perfect, but it is entertaining. And if you haven't read it, this novel is too.

walls

I  am

the beautiful girl

that people look back 

on  remembering

the sweet pieces

of a heart 

which

sur-

vived

only by 

being tucked 

behind a windowless wall

they don't remember 

helping to build
but i do

Wild

Wild, by Cheryl Strayed, © 2012, Vintage Books

Grief can lead people on extreme and complicated paths. People often question who they are, what their purpose is and how they should continue on when a loved one dies. That was the case for 22-year-old Cheryl Strayed when her mother died from cancer. Her relationship with her siblings, step-father and husband fell apart and she made life choices which seemed to mark her on a dark and downward spiralling path. Until she came across a guide book in a store one day on the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) and made the decision to spend three months hiking its arduous length. Those 1,100+ miles changed her, but the journey was far from easy.

Cheryl Strayed paints a picture of herself as a lost and destructive young woman, trying to hold a family together, while simultaneously making bad decision after dangerous choice. When she decides to hike the PCT, she does so on a whim and with minimal preparation. Her boots don't fit properly, she doesn't allot enough money for expenses, she over-packs her backpack to an almost insurmountable weight and sets off from the Mojave desert with her sights set on Oregon. Impetuous by nature, she stubbornly struggles on under the actual weight of her pack, but the larger weight of her emotional baggage is what almost hobbles her on more than one occasion. And that is what keeps the reader rapidly flipping pages through the 315-page book.

I know only too well the struggles to wade through grief and can understand how Strayed tried to banish her demons via this adventure. Loss is a powerful motivator and it can change the strongest of souls under its weight. Through her iron will and sometimes lack of other options, she struggled through the challenges of the trail and found a strength in herself which obviously still shines forth today. Her telling of this transformational journey comes in an easy-to-read package and reminds her readers that sometimes despite yourself, you can find your way back home to you.

We'll see what my fellow book club members think of this book in the fall, as it is on our list of books to read. 

Everybody Shut Up

How appropriate;
Weird Al's encore - The Saga Begins

It's official. I am white and nerdy. There is no denying my Jedi status, so I feel I have to share. I may not have committed any word crimes (hopefully), but I can't get away from being tacky. We all have cell phones, so let's get real. Yeah...

There will never be another concert quite like the one I attended last night. Weird Al Yankovic waltzed through the front doors of Centennial Hall in London, Ontario and drove all his weird fans mad over the next two+ hours. From his entrance singing Tacky, to classic tunes like Eat It, Amish Paradise and Smells Like Nirvana, Weird Al regaled young and old with his quirky brand of ridiculous wit. I don't think my children will ever be the same...

I have been to plenty of concerts over the years, but nothing compared to Al and the band's quick costume changes between almost every song. He sported a purple octopus costume with tie dye/rainbow legwarmers and an upside down ice cream cone hat dripping into his trademark frizzy hair while singing 'Perform this Way'. This was in addition to a suit and tie, a white jacket covered in red maple leaves (Canadian Idiot), a flame suit, devo-esque yellow plastic suits, a fat suit, a Jedi costume, an Amish outfit and of course an aluminum foil hat. The costume budget alone must be huge for the Mandatory Fun tour!

Don't forget the aluminum foil

It wasn't all about the creative costumes though. To give Al and the boys in the band time to change, a video show entertained the audience in between songs. The lights would dim and the screen at the back of the stage came to life. Snippets of Weird Al videos, interviews, cameo appearances on shows ranging from Jeopardy to the Simpsons and more blasted our cortexs with crazy content which only Weird Al could conjure up. One such mocked up interview with Michael Stipe saw Al and Michael collaborating. And Weird Al brought it back in his encore when he sang the song they created (or at least the lyric "We all have cellphones... ") and the audience duly co-operated by pulling out their cellphones and waving them in the air for the torch song. Oh yeah, I was right there baby. I'm real.

Hilarious does not quite capture the experience, but awesome isn't the right word either. It was weird, wacky and completely Al. Mandatory Fun was expected and I'm pretty sure the audience would agree that was what we got. Polka on Mr. Yankovic. There is a new generation of fans at my house.

missing home

Until we parted

I didn't know what home was

the feel

rhythm, sway and dance

of us two

moving as one

thoughts started by you

and caught in my head

shared as only we can.

A gift.

Do you think ...

oh yes!

Should we try ...

always worth it, aye.

two sets of eyes

in unison

capture the world

as one

I didn't know I missed your

jokes, jaunts and joy

til the pauses

filled up with your breath

no longer embraced me

with your glance 

you are home

I need no roof to tell me that

you are where my comfort lies

you are where I smile and cry

you are all up to the skies

I wish the world could compromise

and give us a bigger piece of it

alas

the only answer is 

to hold out

for our tomorrows

and hope

that our hearts survive

Home

I will see you soon

~

sunset on the road

July and the Single Heart

July and the Single Heart by Vi Zetterwall, © 2015, CC Productions

Many books make their way to my TBR pile. Some are irresistible classics and others are monthly picks from my book club. I can't resist used book stores or garage sales either. Of course, I'm lucky to have promoters and publishers send me books to review on occasion as well. The last was how Vi Zetterwall's book made its way into my hands. The coin that came with it was a special perk which I am waiting to see do its magic...

July Harris is the youngest of six sisters in a wealthy family. All her siblings have gotten married and as she rapidly nears her thirtieth birthday, they are anxiously waiting for her to follow in their footsteps. The trick is that most of them don't care a heartbeat about her happiness. If July, the last of the sisters, marries by her thirtieth birthday, they are all set to inherit millions as set out by their grandfather's will. July's problem is that she doesn't have a boyfriend, let alone had a date in years. So as the clock ticks down, her father steps in.

July and the Single Heart is a quick read. It is one of twelve books/novellas which Zetterwall wrote over the course of a year. While the story isn't exactly spellbinding—Daddy forces her to choose between the five suitors he has selected, for a price—I do recognize the talent and dedication it takes to produce that many books in such a short time. Writing them is one thing, but then promoting them afterwards is another herculean task that is almost more work than the writing itself. So if the simple romance plot—girl is duped by many suitors and almost lets the right one get away—it can be excused by the fact that Zetterwall churned out 12 reasonable books in short order. That in itself is a laudable effort.

All of the books are stand-alone, but for the coin that materializes in all of them to magically help the main heroine along in life and love. Once the coin's task is met, it is then passed along into other needy hands.

And now I have one of my own. Could I use help in life or love? Maybe a pinch, so I'll keep rubbing mine. Hopefully soon enough it will pass into another's hands who needs a leg up in that department though. In the interim, I give a nod to Vi for sharing her 235-page novella with me. Good luck with your own life and love. ❤

The Anger Meridian

The Anger Meridian by Kaylie Jones, © 2015, Akashic Books

Akashic Books has sent me several books, including a few from their Kaylie Jones Books imprint. When The Anger Meridian arrived in the mail, I was excited to read a novel by the woman who inspired this offset; Kaylie Jones herself. Knowing she already has several books under her belt, one of which was adapted for a Merchant Ivory film (A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries - 1998), I dove right in.

At 3:35am Merryn Huntley is awakened by the doorbell. Assuming her husband is drunk again and not able to manage the lock, she steels herself and casually opens the door. What she finds is two police officers there to tell her her husband has died in a car accident. A much younger woman was in the car with him and it looks like his pre-occupation led him to slam headlong into a tree, killing them both instantly. While this frees Merryn from a loveless marriage, the circumstances around the death will be scandalous and she doesn't want her 9-year-old daughter Tenney to suffer through the indignity.

At least that's what Merryn tells herself as she hastily packs a bag and flees to her mother's home in San Miguel, Mexico. The truth is far more complicated.

Anxiety attack after anxiety attack plague Merryn as she braces herself for her mother's disapproving stare. Despite being a grown woman, and mother herself, Merryn falls back into being kowtowed by overbearing Bibi. But a life spent ignoring the truth and walking the fine line of stability unravels as the FBI arrives at her mother's doorstep in Mexico examining her husband's questionable business dealings. Fearing even more disapproval from her mother, she desperately tries to please everyone around her, but is spiralling out of control. And now it is finally time to face the truth she has never let herself see, or lose the respect of her daughter and herself forever.

The Anger Meridian moves along at a good clip and entices the reader to keep pace. Hemmed in at every turn, Merryn can no longer rely on old coping methods to get by, but finally learns to stand up for herself. Along the way, her daughter is there to give her the strength it takes to break free from old habits that don't serve her. Tenney is really the shining star of the novel, with wisdom beyond her years and a maturity her mother is hard-pressed to match. I have to admit that Merryn's weak will makes her not exactly the most compelling leading lady, but once she finally faces her fear of the truth and accepts it, she can finally breathe for the first time in her life. With a loveless mother, weak-willed father and philandering husband, it's amazing she gets there at all, but Jones gave me just enough hope to read through to the end.

This novel has a nice mix of drama, romance, and mystery that will keep you turning the pages through to the end. Thanks for the read Akashic Press!

Luck

You know it's going to be a good day when you get this in the mail—a good luck coin. It came with a book too. Next up on the TBR pile is July and the Single Heart by Vi Zetterwall.

~

rub for luck

in life and love

soon great riches

will fall from above

~

I've got my fingers crossed and will keep my new talisman close by,

just in case...

Sepia Memories

no matter 

the words, deeds 

or other valiant efforts

yesterday will always be 

this old tattered snapshot

that keeps fading into sepia memories

which only I can see
~

Little Beasts

Little Beasts by Matthew McGevna, © 2015, Akashic Books

I am grateful to the folks at Akashic Books for allowing me the chance to get a sneak peek at some of their newest titles. They recently sent me another book from their Kaylie Jones Books series for me to review. And while the topic held dark and sometimes violent images, I flew through the pages.

The twitch of violence is in every whiff of breeze in the hot July air of Turnbull. For three 8-year-old boys looking for distractions from summer boredom, the forest behind their working-class homes is the perfect retreat. Close enough to hear their mother's call, but far enough away to find mischief. And when they stumble upon a treehouse-in-the-making, that distraction becomes an obsession for Dallas, which ultimately changes the course of their summer and the rest of their lives.

The boys aren't the only kids in the poor neighbourhood who are listless though. When they come across three 15-year-old boys fraught with teen-angst—think girls, bullying, ambition—the mix becomes deadly. After an incident goes too far, the consequences are extreme and everyone involved has to reassess their lives and their places in the world.

McGevna loosely based his book on actual events that happened in Long Island in 1979. The pent-up emotions that run throughout the characters are scary in the innocence that they have of the consequences. Actions beget reactions and sometimes there is no coming back from them. But is there a way to forestall them in the first place? In the poor town of Turnbull, it seems like the events were inevitable.

While the story touched on unpleasant events and emotions, it left me wondering how people fall through the cracks and whether with a little pause and foresight, some of these events could be prevented. Because even though it is a work of fiction, I am only too aware that hot tempers do exist in real life and often amount to regretted violence that can't be taken back.

Perhaps we could all use a moment to stop and breathe sometimes, before we say or do something we regret. You might find yourself thinking back to this book, long after it's done. And that is a mark of a good book to me.