A moment from this week;
My baby has a smile that will melt your heart. I look into her eyes and see myself, love and everything that could be for tomorrow. She gives incredible hugs and loves with all her soul, as I am sure that most three-year olds do. She also has very distinct thoughts, feelings and emotions that she is not afraid to let pour forth. This might illustrate itself in her saying "I don't want to" to anything and everything, in her carrying the cats around upside down by their back legs to show that she is a big girl and she can, to giving tender hugs and remarking on people's tears when they are sad. Above all else she cares and I was reminded of this a few nights ago.
After a mostly pleasant and reasonably quick dinner outside, the girls pulled out their bikes to practice riding in the street. I was encouraged to get out my bike, so that I could show the girls "some tricks". I wowed them with figure 8s, but with slightly flat tires let them do all the entertainment and fun. Our neighbours returned home, so the girls proceeded to show off their prowess on their rides to a new audience. Nibbles of ice cream was their reward, as well as a fluffing up of my tires for a future ride. The evening wound down with pointing out hot air balloons and remarking on greenery in our garden tour across the street. Before I knew it, the bedtime hour had come and passed. We waved goodnight, with sticky-sweet smiles from their strawberry patch and raced to get on pjs. I noted that it was late and a school night, so there was enough time for brushing teeth, but unfortunately no stories. As I tried to tuck in my littlest bundle, she showed her displeasure by kicking at the blankets and yelling "NO!".
Now I know that there are many soft and wonderful Mamas out there that would take this in stride with angelic smiles and wonderful solutions. For me, it was late; too late. When I hit the end of the night, I do not want to deal with my little angel's antics any more. Not one little bit. Unh, un. So I tried to play nice Mommy, failed, threw up my hands and walked out of her room, closing the door behind me. I know that I cannot win the war with her some days, so I just don't even try. I went to my other daughter's room and tucked her in. I covered her in kisses and hugs and told her I loved her, as I left her room. With no noise from the younger, I went to peek in on her. She was still sitting on her bed where I had left her, with a frown upon her face.
She looked at me and said, "Mommy, I apowogize."
Quiet as a mouse.
My irritation melted. "I appowogize. I shouldn't have kicked you. That wasn't nice. Kicking hurts."
My thoughts flew to daycare and I kissed and loved all her teachers for everything that they did for me and her every day.
Her little face was sorrowful and I was so in love with this big, brave thing she had done. Hugs, kisses and love rushed out of me and showered all over her. I felt like somewhere, somehow, I had done something right and was being rewarded for all the tempers that flared over so many days. Sigh, these are the moments that make me glad and proud to be a Mommy and for this I am forever grateful.