Advice for Lovers: Author Interview with Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek

Ah, sweet love. The wisp of tender passion is in the air, as Valentine's Day creeps ever closer. With its imminent approach, many people dwell on love and how to attract and/or keep it, I myself within that poignant crowd. What gentle fools we are...

As much as it would be nice to think it's as easy as an arrow into the heart from Cupid's deft bow, don't fool yourself. Love isn't quite as easy as that. Even Cupid has a harder time these days, despite us living in a time of avid "social" media. Ironic that in many ways, our social media use has actually left us even lonelier than we were before.

It doesn't have to be that way though and I am lucky enough to have a few love experts willing to share some tips on how to fall in love. I recently reviewed How to Fall in Love, and authors Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek have a few tips and advice for the singletons amongst us. Help me welcome Dalma and Richard to A New Day!

Fall in Love with Richard and Dalma

Richard Marek and Dalma Heyn

Being single in the digital age is hard work. There are dating apps to fill out, finding the perfect pics to show off your fun and quirky side, and then all those profiles to swipe through. And that’s just to hopefully get a date or two! How is anyone expected to find and nourish true love via 1” pixelated photos and brief blurbs that leave you feeling flat? Do you have any tips for the lovelorn in 2019? 

Being single IS hard work—much like an audition for a part you don’t even know you want but nevertheless have to keep returning to for call-backs. The “perfect pics” to show off your “fun and quirky side”—plus all other attempts to present the “you” you want a potential date to “get” at first glance—it’s exhausting.

In all the years I’ve written dating columns, I’ve just one serious piece of advice—and it’s mostly for women. (A man seems able simply to be ambulatory and under age 80, and not a serial killer to be considered a good date.)  But women are caught in the age-old “I’m the perfect woman” trap. Here’s how to get out of it: YOU are looking for someone, and that fact is more important than presenting yourself to be looked at. Think of it as looking out of your eyes, not looking at yourself through the culture’s. By that I mean, do not try to please this mysterious group of dates out there—instead be clear about what pleases YOU. This little switch sounds easier than it is. I’ve spoken with some women who aren’t sure what they want and so naturally fall back on ways to be wanted. But focusing on YOUR desires will go far to make filling out these dating apps more of a pleasure than a drag.

Excellent Advice! Knowing yourself is half the challenge when looking for a new mate. What do you really want in a partner? Do some soul-searching first before expecting someone to fit a role which you don't even know the parameters.

Okay, so say we’ve been out on a date or two. Fantastic, but how do we take it to the next level? 

Going from a first or second date to “the next level,” as you put it, is more a matter of intuition. If you’re both feeling good about seeing each other, and are both shy, it just takes a nudge—in words and In person. Before you leave your last date, you say, “This is fun. I hope we can do it again.”  Responsive but not too eager, and hardly requiring much of an attention span.  Your date’s response will either be, “Yeah, let’s go for pizza at that new place on Saturday, okay?” Or it won’t elicit more than a grunt. Either way, you’re ahead. It’s either moving forward or you’re moving on.  

PS: It may take a lot of these deadly attempts at connection, but, as my mother used to say, it only takes two minutes to meet someone and know it’s right. So you have to plow through.

It makes sense that it takes work to find someone you truly connect with. Not everyone is a perfect match to you, but there is someone out there for everyone. Keep looking! And once you find them, keeping working to grow that love every day. 

One of those ways is with a simple note sharing your heart's desires—a love letter. Are love letters still valid and valued today? Do you have tips Dalma and Richard on how readers can create the perfect love letter for their beloved? Or even win your 2019 Love Letter contest!

Love letters are more valid, and more valued, than ever. Attention spans may have hit rock bottom, but that doesn’t mean a quick “Love ya! ” is going to catch anyone’s attention, short as it may be, unless you’re speaking to your dog-walker. Just as desire needs space, time, and room to breathe in order to expand into love, so do words between lovers need space, time, room and thought in order to express love. Part of the joy of sending AND receiving a love letter is that it does take time. Precious time devoted to revealing a precious emotion—one that no little heart-faced emoji can possibly express. 

All letters are valid and valued—when was the last time your received a thank-you note via snail-mail? An apology, written out with care and heartfelt concern for reparation? A letter can say, and mean, everything. And a love letter, of course, means more than anything.

You seem to know a lot about love letters and what should go into them. Is there anything that star-crossed lovers should steer clear of when expressing their undying love to their sweetheart? What are some love letter don’ts?

We could give you a list of don’ts for business letters, personal letters, apology letters….but we have no such list for love letters. Unlike the former, which require certain formats and sign-offs; proper margins and good grammar and correct placement of addresses and dates, the love letter is totally without rules.  It’s as free an expression of an overwhelming feeling that you’ll ever have, an emotion that simply must be expressed.  Your way. It’s YOUR expression, in YOUR voice, with YOUR wit and soulfulness and charm.  You love this person and can’t bear holding in your feelings one more moment., grammar, punctuation, be damned. All that’s required is that it be pure; it mustn’t have any other agenda than to express your love. Our sense of how we’ll judge the letters is simply that we feel what the writer feels!

Hear that readers? You don't need a Masters degree in Love OR University level English to express what your heart feels. Just let those heartfelt emotions flow!

I recently read ‘How to Fall in Love’, co-authored by you both. Did collaborating on this novel bring you closer together? What inspired you to write a love story orchestrated by Cupid, but bungled through by two unlikely characters – Eve, a former ballet star cum maple sugar bush owner, and Evan, an anthologist and car enthusiast? Are the lessons they learned along the way important for anyone contemplating love?

We were inspired to write the book by just what you so wisely point out in question 1: That everyone is overwhelmed with dating apps, texting, sexting, tagging on Facebook, getting the right makeup highlighter for Instagram…..that we wondered how two people not seriously wired got together.  And since we wanted our question to be presented in a light-hearted way, we thought of the old-fashioned idea of Cupid—how his arrow, when it hit, engendered love in one person.  And the rest just flowed. 

Richard is an editor, so an anthologist was a fun way to present an editor, and I know a bit about dancers. We both know a lot about second chances, and the difficulties of making love happen when two lives are so different from each other’s. It was a great collaboration and we had so much fun!

What about you Dalma and Richard? How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship? Any tips on those struggling to find or keep love vibrant and meaningful in their lives?

We have been blessed with a kind of ease between us; we don’t “work” on our relationship as much as we keep in touch about what we’re feeling.  When trust builds over the years, so does empathy for one’s partner.  Even when we’re furious at each other, we can each feel, somehow, what the other is going through, and find ourselves letting it go faster than we did when we were younger and had to make our points really clear.

Thank you so much for speaking with me Richard and Dalma. I appreciate all your advice and inspiration on love and keeping passion alive and well in today's fickle digital age. We need to slow down and take the time to know ourselves and others better if we are to keep our connections strong. Your enthusiasm for reaching that level of connectedness is heartening.

If you want to connect with Dalma and Richard, you can find them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and on their website. Don't forget to take a look at their love letter contest. You can win a rose gold Tiffany Paloma Picasso love ring, plus a hand-written, framed copy of your love letter. 

Happy Valentine's week my friends. May love find you and keep you in a special place, even if it's just falling in love with yourself all over again. 

❤️❤️❤️

ABOUT AUTHORS DALMA HEYN & RICHARD MAREK:

Husband and wife team Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are the authors of  How to Fall in Love , a provocative love story for the digital age. Heyn is the author of the New York Times best-seller The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, Marriage Shock and Drama Kings. Her books, published in 35 countries, have been best-sellers both here and abroad. Richard Marek is one of the most accomplished book editors and publishers of his generation, working with writers James Baldwin, Thomas Harris, and Robert Ludlum, among many others. He is the author of Works of Genius and has ghostwritten a number of best-sellers.

How to Fall in Love

How to Fall in Love by Dalma Heyn & Richard Marek, © 2018, The Story Plant

Valentine's Day is coming up fast. That leads some to think about love and how to attain it. In today's digital age though, many have become jaded on Cupid's domain. We've all got baggage and sometimes it seems too much to make us viable in today's shallow dating pool. But Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are betting otherwise with their new novel set to be released this week.

Cupid is in trouble with the big guy. Jove figures the world doesn't need help from Eros, what with the vast majority of people dialing into Tinder hookups, sexting, and love in the dot com age. Nobody looks to Cupid anymore, so it's time for him to go.

Of course Cupid, isn't convinced and gambles that he can prove that real love still exists. He just needs a likely couple to prove it, and a bit of time. Enter Evan Cameron—anthologist and car enthusiast—and Eve Golyakovsky—prima ballerina, cum maple sugar bush owner. An unlikely couple who happen to live on opposite sides of the US. Jove gives Cupid seven months; no magic, potions, nor tricks. Love must be won on its own merit, with only the slightest manipulations from the love god. Heaven help all those who dream of romance in their future!

While Cupid flits in and out of the story, the bulk of the novel is all about Evan and Eve. Like so many of us, they have both been in previous relationships with mixed acclaim. Neither one found overwhelming love. Both thought it was their fault. But Heyn and Marek manipulate us to believe that maybe there is that special someone out there for everyone. A special someone who might not be perfect in all ways, but once you find them, is willing to move heaven and earth to be a part of your life.

How do you fall in love? Sometimes fate intervenes on occasion, but we need to open to it. While the novel follows the ups and downs of Eve and Evan's personal uncertainties and previous preconceived notions, ultimately, it asks us to be honest with ourselves. You don't have to be perfect to fall in love, but you have to be willing to make time and space for someone in your life. And that includes face-time. If we are to learn anything from this simple love story, it's that texts, emails, and even phone calls can be imperfect modes for communication. If you dare to give love a chance, do it one on one and with your whole heart.

So to hopefuls and romantics out there, good luck finding and keeping love. And good luck to Dalma and Richard with their new novel, which you can find on Amazon.

The Haunting of Henderson Close

The Haunting of Henderson Close by Catherine Cavendish, © 2018, Flame Tree Press

I am not usually swayed by horror. As a child, I was invariably under a blanket during the scariest parts of any horror movie my sister forced me to watch. They scared me silly. Truth be told, I am still a wimp when it comes to horror today.

From a young age though, I became an avid reader. And despite steering clear of horror films, I went through a phase where I read almost every book in our school library on ghosts, UFOs, supernatural occurrences, and other creepy titles. While they aren't a mainstay of my reading anymore, when I had a request to review 'The Haunting of Henderson Close' by Catherine Cavendish, I couldn't resist a good ghost story. And I am glad I did.

The newly released 'The Haunting of Henderson Close' is set in Edinburgh. The story takes place in present day, but frequently dips back in time to 1891—a period of heavy crime, poverty, and general filth in Victorian-era Henderson Close. The pivotal moment in the past is when Miss Carmichael, a kindly, humanitarian woman trying to bring up the lot in life of some of the Close's worst families, is brutally murdered. Her death shakes the community then, but reverberates through history to 2018 where Hannah picks up her tale.

After years of the dregs of society habituating Henderson Close, Edinburgh buried its past. New buildings were erected over the site, but a popular tourist attraction hid underneath, luring tourists with creepy ghost stories and tales of murder. After fleeing a failed marriage, Hannah finds herself attracted to a job as a period-costumed tour guide in Henderson Close, but the ghost stories she tells fall far too close for comfort. Before long, Hannah is swept up in the evil that still lurks in the Close and is bubbling to the surface once more. She, with the help of co-workers George and Mairead, must work fast to prevent the Auld De'il from creeping back into present day Edinburgh. But what will it take? And who, or what, else can be called on to help?

Like I mentioned before, horror makes me cringe and this book brought on a few goosebumps as I read it. The story immediately drew me in and I flew through the 233 pages in a day. If you like a good ghost story, this easy read by Cavendish is just the thing. Thank you to Smith Publicity and Flame Tree Press for an advanced reading copy!

The Secret Life of Mrs. London

The Secret Life of Mrs. London, by Rebecca Rosenberg, © 2018, Lake Union Publishing

Step back in time to the rumblings of the Great War. Europe is preparing for battle and America is watching on, at odds with whether they should join in or leave well enough alone. Many people loudly voiced their opinions, including famous writer Jack London. It was one of the qualities that initially attracted Charmian Kittredge, who later became his second wife.

While Charmian and Jack London were great intellectual equals, Jack took the spotlight in their relationship. Where Charmian was his typist and editor, Jack was the grandiloquent orator and prolific writer. Charmian charmed those she met, but Jack took life to the extreme; drinking, travelling, championing socialism, and womanizing. It was a challenge to fall in his shadow, but Charmian was no shrinking violet. So it should be of no surprise that when she met another powerful man of the era, she was drawn in by his magnetism as well. And who could resist the magical airs of none other than Harry Houdini?

Rebecca Rosenberg weaves a magical tale in this debut novel. Based on true events, she artfully fashions the story as historical fiction, painting a love triangle between Charmian, Jack London, and Harry Houdini. We see a different side to these public figures, as seen through Charmian's eyes and it is hard not to sympathize with her plight. I personally loved the peek under the covers that she offers readers and flew through the book's pages. Despite all of the characters' indiscretions, it is hard not to understand where their motives came from.

Rebecca Rosenberg

Ultimately though, this work is a body of fiction created by Rebecca. Since I had the pleasure to review her book, I thought it might be nice to ask a few more questions about it and learn more about her knowledge of Harry, Jack, and Charmian.

Let's chat with Rebecca!

1. Jack London had several affairs throughout his life, beginning with Charmian herself when he was married to his first wife. Why do you think Charmian accepted his affairs, but he couldn’t let go of her indiscretions?

Rebecca - We have to remember the Londons lived in the early 1900’s when things were very different than they are today. Women did not have the vote. All of a woman’s possessions were owned by her husband. Yet, the Londons were Bohemians and philosophers who believed in exploring the possibilities of life and passion. They read Jung, Freud, and other philosophers of the day and often discussed and argued big issues of fidelity, the value of life, the meaning of the universe. In THE SECRET LIFE OF MRS. LONDON, Jack London writes several novels about LOVE TRIANGLES, including LITTLE LADY OF THE BIG HOUSE, HEARTS OF THREE, MARTIN EDEN. London toys with Charmian in order to experience (or imagine) the feelings of his characters. As the London’s pushed these boundaries of fidelity, they experienced jealousy, which brought them back together, more in love than ever.

2. Both Charmian London and Harry Houdini were supposedly happily married but ended up having an affair with each other. Why do you think they were drawn to each other in the first place?

Rebecca - The mystery of why Charmian London and Harry Houdini would have an affair, when they clearly adored their spouses was the impetus of the novel! The answer to this question would spoil the novel in a few ways, let me just say there are very real reasons the affair happened, and I hope readers will understand that when they read it! Jack London and Houdini had their similarities and differences. Both were driven geniuses, and pushed human existence to its limits. But Jack drank and smoked with a passion and battled with depression. Houdini was an expert swimmer, runner, weight-lifter for his daring escapes. He never smoked or drank. I think Charmian was attracted to Houdini for some of the same reasons as she was Jack, but Houdini had a cool aloofness that could have been a relief after Jack’s intensity.

3. Charmian was an aspiring writer herself. While Jack tried to get her published, it was only with his insistence that her novel finally received publication from his publisher. Considering she was Jack’s muse, typist, and editor, do you think her writing should have stood on its own recognizance or is it fair that it was only published because she was Jack’s wife?

Rebecca - Jack London’s publisher was MacMillan, and he was their best selling author, so they would naturally look at Charmian London’s books, especially since they were biographies of their lives. I think her books, Hawaii and Log of the Snark are fascinating about their travels in the early 1900’s through the South Sea Islands and Australia, encountering Lepers, Headhunters and cannibals. Yes, I think they could have stood on their own, but given Jack London was the most famous, well paid author, the books served a double purpose of giving the public a glimpse into the London’s adventurous life.

4. Where Jack London and Harry Houdini’s lives are both well known, Charmian is barely a footnote in their stories. Why did you choose to make her your main protagonist? What attracted you to her story in the first place

Rebecca - First and foremost, I feel that Jack London could not have written 50 books in 15 years without the talented Charmian Kittredge.

She was truly a woman ahead of her time. Charmian was college educated and worked as the assistant to the president of Mills College. She learned to type as a teenager and typed 150 words a minute. She was a champion horsewoman and concert pianist. She was an intelligent conversationalist, and consummate hostess at Beauty Ranch. She managed Jack’s moods and kept him writing one thousand words a day, no matter how he felt or what else was happening. She typed up his stories as he told them to her, then edited them later, filling in characters and description. She was a huge part of why Jack London’s stories are still popular today. In fact, CALL OF THE WILD was just named top 50 best loved books of all time by PBS.

5. A major sticking point for Jack was when his beloved Wolf House burned down. Who do you think started the fire and why?

Rebecca - This is a spoiler alert, since I leave the question open for the reader to decide! According to Charmian London’s biography, JACK LONDON, “We never knew who torched Wolf House.” You can still see the haunting ruins of the 25,000 square foot log lodge at JACK LONDON PARK, in Glen Ellen, California, an hour north of San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. Much later, scientists have claimed the house was burned down from spontaneous combustion.

THE SECRET LIFE OF MRS. LONDON has been named as WIKI’S 12 MARVELOUS NOVELS OF THE 20^TH CENTURY. https://wiki.ezvid.com/m/kNkCn2l8yxVIl

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Thank you so much to Rebecca Rosenberg for sharing a little more about her debut novel The Secret Life of Mrs. London! Add it to your Christmas wish list this year.

Where Dragonwoofs Sleep and the Fading Creeps

Where Dragonwoofs Sleep and the Fading Creeps, by A.J. Massey, © 2018, Independently Published

Being 13 is hard. You have to deal with self confidence issues, bullying, and the determination to reach your goals—even if that goal is only to ask the cute girl in your World History class if she'll go to the school dance with you.

Ben has bigger issues than if Taylor will go to the dance with him though. Every time he closes his eyes, he ends up in Meridia; a mythical land that is slowly being eaten away by the Fading. It is up to him to stop it, plus fellow dreaming 13-year-olds Avery and Marcus, not to mention a translucent elf named Tam, and three dragonwoofs. With a dose of magic, a dollop of courage, and the strength to work together when it matters most, these characters battle evil generals and the quickly encroaching Fading to save this fantasy land, plus grow into the confident young adults they aspire to become.

Does the story sound familiar? Fans of The Neverending Story and Labyrinth might think so. It should come as no surprise then that as a child, Massey was influenced by 80s fantasy movies like those, plus other epic coming of age tales. The dream-like qualities in the book mirror those tales, but also serve to inspire a new generation of heroes. Heroes that also battle self doubt and poor self esteem, but find the fortitude to work together for the good of others. Will it be enough though?

There are goblins afoot, scorching suns, and plenty of monsters intent on murder within the pages of Massey's debut novel. Young teens with a taste for adventure will cheer along with Ben, Marcus, and Avery as they traipse across Meridia. You just might find yourself enchanted too. And decide that you need your own dragonwoof to help make the world a better and safer place for all.

To the Moon and Back

To the Moon and Back, by Lisa Kohn, © 2018, Heliotrope Books

If you were to write your memoir, what would it contain? Stories of family, friends, and experiences lived along the way? That would be typical. Lisa Kohn was certainly influenced by all those things, but there is a darker edge to her childhood. From a young age, she bounced between living in a cult with her mother, and surviving her father's lifestyle of sex, drugs, and excess in New York City's seedy East Village in the seventies. Both of these extreme influences made for a challenging adolescence, but are also fodder for this starkly honest memoir from a new and talented author.

In the seventies, cults were a feared part of the landscape for many people. Families worried that their vulnerable youth would be recruited by fanatical cult members. For Kohn though, when the Unification Church entered her world, she finally found what she thought was love and stability, after years of living with her hippie, free-loving parents. The love anointed by Reverend Moon was a conditional thing though. And despite her willingness to initially embrace her Mother's new found Moonie lifestyle, Kohn quickly stumbled within their highly judgmental fold. Nowhere was she good enough. Ultimately, that lack of self-confidence and the constant disapproval led to her spiralling out of control.

This story isn't about giving up though. Kohn may have battled anorexia, poor self-esteem, drug use, poor relationship choices, and more, but she also found the strength within herself to question the many influences which led her there. Today, she is an accomplished leadership consultant, executive coach, keynote speaker, and author. She also overcame her demons to find self-worth and a healthy relationship, where she could finally be at peace with her unorthodox childhood and let go of the plaguing beliefs that it was "all her fault".

If you have ever felt not good enough, know that that is far from the truth. We are a product of our experiences, but we also have the power to control the direction our lives go in. Kohn is a beautiful example of that. Her story is at once fascinating, but also hits close to home for anyone who has ever struggled with self doubt. You just might find it worth a read!

The Peithosian Gift

The Peithosian Gift by Cristina Archer, © 2018, Rowanvale Books

Do you know how the mind works? Are you so sure? How much control do you think you have over other people's wills? Or nature? You might question all you know after reading Cristina Archer's newest book.

In The Peithosian Gift, Archer introduces two warring families, both with the power to manipulate the world around them with the gift of mind control. Is the Peithosian gift truly a gift though? For the Kane and Morgan families, ancient bloodlines who have feuded for centuries, the answer is not so clear cut. The Morgans believe that using their gift is their responsibility, while the Kanes believe it goes against the natural order of what nature intends. When a forgotten clan materializes, with a child more powerful than anyone has ever seen, the world and all who inhabit it are threatened. The question becomes, can anyone control the child or the ripples her presence might cause?

Archer creates several compelling characters who struggle with their mental manipulation gifts. While I enjoyed her speculative fiction and found the story a good read, the plot line jumped around quite a bit. The story starts in 55 BC, then fast forwards to 21 years ago. From there time lines bounce around further, leaving the reader to wonder which characters we might encounter next. While I was able to follow it, I suspect this device might be confusing for some. The many protagonists also offer a challenge to the reader, as we jump between Adele, Sam, Connor, Radha, Quinn, and many others. While this makes sense due to the wide time period of the novel and the many critical characters throughout, I wonder if the story might have been simpler to write from fewer view points. Ultimately, it was Archer's story to tell though.

So as the story builds in urgency, all the characters introduced eventually meet up in present day. It becomes a battle of the wills that no one is willing to lose, but everyone must be willing to bend on. Hopefully your brain doesn't turn into mush along the way, as you follow the many leads to the final conclusion. I won't spoil the tidy ending, but it seems the clans' biggest fears could be their undoing, or their salvation. Will Radha destroy them all with her barely controlled gift? Can sworn enemies let go of ancient feuds for the benefit of all? Does all of humanity, and nature herself, hang in the balance? You have to read Archer's book to find out.

The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles

The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles by Laura Fahrenthold, ©2018, Hatherleigh Press

Earlier this summer I received a request to review a memoir by debut author Laura Fahrenthold. The premise of the story rang close to my heart—grief. A young mother loses her husband and goes on a journey to rediscover life and begin to forge a path to her new normal. I have walked in those same shoes, so it should be no surprise that I said yes for this review.

Instead of writing a review though—I feared I would take over with tales from my own grief journey—I asked if Laura would answer a few questions for me. In addition to learning more about the book, I thought my readers could discover more about the process behind Laura's journey. And I happily have a little more to share about Laura's journey with you! I hope you enjoy a few more insights from Laura's journey in life.

If you haven't had a chance to read The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles, I highly recommend it!

 A Closer Look at The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles...

Grief is a much longer journey than many people realize. When did you decide it was time and you were ready to write your chronicles highlighting your grief journey? How long did it take to write the book?

Actually, life is a much longer journey than most people realize! There are so many stages to it. That’s really what the book is about—it’s a book about going through the stages of life and how I coped with a huge tragedy by driving 31,000 miles across Canada and the U.S. searching for answers to life’s biggest questions. Sometimes, I got answers in the arms of Costco and Walmart shoppers; other times I found my own truths when staring into the sky. And I definitely learned so much from being with my daughters. It’s crazy how everything can change in a matter of six devastating minutes.

While that sounds so deep, and perhaps dark and depressing, the book is anything but that, as suggested by the title itself: The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles! It’s truly an often hilarious look at my efforts to gain emotional and physical strength through the open road in a beat-up old RV we named HaRVey with my two eyeball rolling teenagers and a stray dog, driving through our grief while gaining new experiences to work into our backbones.

So really, I didn’t decide to write this book. It decided to write me.

What do you mean the book decided to write you?

I never set out to write The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles. That isn’t what our ashes-sprinkling RV trips were about. They were about spending time with my daughters, having amazing experiences that would hopefully replace our sadness. We needed to climb mountains like Les Palissades de Charlevoix (which helped me overcome a fear of heights…well, sort of), ride the tidal waves in the Bay of Fundy and go mud sliding down the banks of the Shubenacadie River. We also ended up invited to a wedding in Cape Breton where we got to milk goats on their farm! We were always up to something during those 31,000 miles of adventures.

Friends kept saying I should share my story, that I should write a book, given that I am a journalist. And I thought, you know what? They are right! My story is so relatable on so many levels that it could really help motivate people to get out there and live before they die, too.

I started and stopped several times, but then when I found my husband’s journals, I knew I had to do this. Those journals were the puzzle pieces which put the whole thing into perspective. It was astounding, really.

It took about three years from start to finish while working my full-time job as an editor at Woman’s World Magazine. This meant I spent every second of my off-hours, including nights, weekends and holidays, writing, rewriting, examining every single word, rewriting more, editing more, putting it down, picking it up, crying, writing, doubting, declaring it done and then picking it back up again before finally pitching agents, and finding the best publisher— Hatherleigh Press, distributed by Penguin Random House. And now here we are with a book that was published this summer.

It takes immense strength to rebuild a life after the loss of a spouse. I know firsthand the process is not always pretty but is amazing in how transformative it can be. What are you most proud of accomplishing? What are some of your continuing struggles?

I’m most proud of accomplishing what I set out to do—which is rebuild our lives in the most wonderful way that I could, to give my daughters crazy, fun, positive experiences to draw upon so that their father’s death did not become bigger than our lives. None of us had the tools to deal with what we saw and experienced that night, but now we do. You can drop us in the middle of nowhere with a dollar in our pockets and we will find our way out. Mission accomplished. We are three strong, smart independent women who can now change RV tires, rock climb mountains, swim across rivers, ward off alligators—you name it! And find our ways back home.

I continuously struggle with having to do it all myself (I call myself Mr. Laura). I especially hate taking the garbage out; that’s when I miss my husband the most, on Monday mornings! But seriously, we all have struggles. My struggle is that I continuously struggle with my struggling to stop struggling.

Do you have any words of advice on how best to support someone going through their own grieving process?

Grief comes in all forms. Loss of a job. Unrequited love. Broken promises. Health issues. Divorce. Death. Disappointments. We all go through something at some point. My best advice is not to expect too much of a person in grief. Don’t take their responses or lack of responses personally. They need time. And when you are with them, just listen. Just be there for them.

You never know what a road trip might bring. Adventure, misadventure, laughter, tears, epiphanies, arguments, and hopefully a little growth along the way. Do you have any other road trips planned for you and the girls?

My daughters used to say they’d rather die than go on another RV trip! But then my older begged me to take “HaRVey the RV” on another trip with her and her best friend this past summer. And she drove most of the way! I joked that there’s a new sheriff in town!

HaRVey is and will remain a big part of our lives. It’s like having a giant dog in the driveway that always want to run free and play. Sometimes I like to go sleep out there. It’s fun and feels like a mini-vacation. I know the girls can’t wait for more trips. We’ve talked about Vancouver next! But no more sprinkling Mark. He’s RIPing at his boyhood home in Kansas in a giant field of bright yellow sunflowers.

***

Thank you so much to Laura Fahrenthold and Hatherleigh Press for sharing this poignant story and the strength it takes to grab life when you think it has escaped you. As Laura reminded me, Everybody needs love. The journey of finding it is within all our grasps, even if that means finding it within ourselves. 

The Beauty of Humanity Movement

The Beauty of Humanity Movement by Camilla Gibb, ©2010, Doubleday Canada

In times of strife, the artists reach for beauty. They paint, write poetry, pen elegant missives—all in the name of keeping humanity alive. In Vietnam, it was no different.

When Maggie returns to Vietnam many years after fleeing with her mother during the Vietnam war, she is seeking answers. She never saw her father again after a tearful goodbye, but what happened to him? Who was he? Why was he targeted by the government? And how does she find those answers? It all starts over a bowl of Phở.

Old Man Hu'ng has been making Phở since he was 11 years old. He has seen much in the decades since then, both inspiring and devastating. Through it all, he found a way to offer his own form of humanity—in his specialty noodle soup. A soup that nourished a movement, and a generation fighting for what they felt was right.

Tu' was born after the revolution and grew up in an age of relative economic reform. He is part of the next generation, welcoming the world to Hanoi with his Nike knockoffs, and tourist-ready smiles. But despite his best efforts to gloss over a tarnished history, Vietnam cannot shake it and Tu' is only just beginning to understand what that means.

When Maggie meets Hu'ng and Tu', all of their worlds collide. Secrets spill out and truths can no longer go unspoken. Camilla Gibb weaves her character's lives together in a beautiful way that proves that humanity will never die. It is a movement will all hold in our hearts, if only we pause long enough to see it.

Music for a Rainy Day

I started A New Day almost ten years ago. It has gone through several transformations, featuring the story of my travels through Africa, plenty of poetry, lots of photos, several book reviews, and even music. A few years ago, I even started a Monday Music feature that showcased some rather esoteric musicians.

Music strikes a chord with everyone. Whether you are into rap, roots, reggae, folk, classical, or hip hop, it bridges most divides. People associate with lyrics that touch them. They rock out to wicked drum beats or daze off listening to dreamy trance. I am no different.

My musical tastes have changed somewhat over the years. As a teenager, I thrashed around the dance floor to goth tunes that spoke of dark feelings and existential crises. That was interspersed with bouncy tunes by the likes of Canadian artists Bare Naked Ladies and Spirit of the West. It should be no surprise that an international flair sprang up in my musical tastes after my trip to Africa. And once again, music took on a new role after my husband died. I turned to music to help me heal and find new roots for myself.

I still appreciate any music that touches me, but am always interested to discover new musicians. They pour a little of themselves into the world and share what it means to be human. We all have hurt, experience love, feel joy, and sorrow. And sometimes we discover what it feels like to dance in the rain...

The Love Poems of Rumi

Happy Valentine's Day! What better day than today to take a look at Rumi's love poetry, as translated by Nader Khalili. The folks at the Quarto Books were kind enough to send me a copy of this beautiful book of poetry to review. Today I share it with you.

Love Poems

The Love Poems of Rumi; as translated by Nader Khalili, © 2015, Wellfleet Press

Reviewing a book of poetry is a tricky thing. Poetry is personally subjective. It is full of emotions, personal reflections, and poetic turns of phrase that spring forth from a poet's heart. Who is a critic to call it good or bad?

Such is my challenge.

Add to that, the fact that this is a translation from Rumi's works, and the prospect is daunting at best. Sure, I can comment on the artistic license that Nader takes in not including any capitalization or punctuation [Do I attribute that to Nader or Rumi? I would think Nader, as Rumi wrote in Persian, which is a whole different alphabet. Nader offers the English, therefore makes his call on translation and interpretation]

Regardless, I personally find 'i' distracting from the poetry as a whole. I want to correct the text every time I see the lower case letter. My sritique, but certainly not enough to take away my pleasure in these poems. If anything, I suspect we are to put less stock in 'i' the self, versus the bigger concept of capital L Love. Love is so much bigger than mere i in the grand scheme of things.

So perhaps we should delve into the text then, as Love is certainly the theme of the poetry inside the ornate pages of this book. Translation aside, the words of Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī are enough to sweep anyone away with their beautiful and heartbreaking prose that reaches through the ages. For despite the fact that Rumi lived from 1207-1273, I am sure that many can relate to these universal feelings we ache from; the pathos of Love.

anyone who is not in love
cannot be as light as a soul
like moon and stars
cannot be orbiting restlessly
hear it from me
as the final word
a flag can never dance
with no air and no wind

I would be remiss, if I did not share
some of the beautiful murals
found within the pages of the book

Ah, do we not all dream of the mythical ideal of love to give us air to breathe and stars in the sky. It is love that makes it so...

love is

a mirror

you see nothing

but your reflection

you see nothing

but your real face

Should we seek outside ourselves to find this love though? Reading this and several other poems leads me to conclude the answer is not necessarily so. It can be found within and without. Love is joy and suffering. It is a journey we are privileged to be a part of.

Wise council fair Rumi. Thank you for these interpretations Khalili.

But lest we give up on earthly love, and the boundless challenges that come with it, there are still many lines which offer hope to those still looking for love this Valentine's Day. The journey may be long and hard, but Master Rumi suggests the path is necessary and infinitely worth it. Khalili gathers these thoughts together and counters them in subsequent pages, but the message rings out throughout—Love is...

There are so many more lovely images, but I will share these last lines for auspicious lovers to be today. May you find your sweetheart friends! I have many more poems to ponder, as I wander along my own journey towards Love.

this heart will one day

find you a sweetheart

this soul will one day

take you to the beloved

seize your pain as a blessing

your pain will one day

lead you to healing

March

March, by Geraldine Brooks, ©2005, Viking

It seems appropriate to have read March during February—Black History Month. This novel is set during the American Civil War, as people raged against each other in the name of black emancipation. While a work of fiction, it touches on some of the many historical events of the day, many of them heartbreaking. More interesting for me though, was the fact that this book is an imagined perspective from Mr March, the absent father from Louisa May Alcott's Little Women. And while I don't usually go in for fan fiction, this novel is a worthy read in its own right (won the 2006 Pulitzer Prize for fiction).

Brooks readily notes that she takes license with some of the time periods, but she did her homework before writing this book. She started with Little Women, but dug deeper into Alcott's own personal history, where Little Women was born. In fact, Alcott's father became the model for Mr March. Some of the supporting characters who appear throughout Brooks' book are taken directly from historical letters shared between Bronson Alcott and Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson, neighbours of the Alcott family. Mr March's strict vegetarian lifestyle and support of racial equality were also point of fact from Alcott's life. One must remember though, that this is a work of historical fiction.

I must admit, I did not always like the character of Mr March. He strove to control his wife's hot temper too frequently for my sensibilities. That would have been common for the day, but that was what attracted him to her in the first place. And would his beloved Marmee really have been so outspoken during such a tumultuous time? Perhaps, but it seems unlikely. Again though, a work of fiction derived from another classic piece of English literature.

Mr March was a stalwart in his fight for what he believed was right though, and however misguided he sometimes was, one must applaud the courage he took to stand in the face of the popular belief of the day and the rampant abuses that were slavery in the 1800s. Seeing snippets of the Underground Railroad, the bloody battles, the horrific medical practices, and the people who lived through those turbulent times was interesting though. So many heroes, even while they strived to be human at best. For perhaps to give a genuine care to our fellow humans, is the most heroic of deed of all.

"I simply ask you to see that there is only one thing to do when we fall, and that is to get up, and go on with the life that is set in front of us, and try to do the good of which our hands are capable for the people who come in our way."
~ Grace Clement; quote from March by Geraldine Brooks

A Gentleman in Moscow

A Gentleman in Moscow; by Amor Towles, © 2016, Viking

As most anyone knows, Russia has had a tough history. There have been wars, civic upheaval, glittering triumphs, and questionably dark events. This novel is set in the midst of some of them.

In 1922, Count Alexander Ilyich Rostov is arrested by the Bolsheviks. His crime—being too Aristocratic. And it is true. Having lived a privileged life, Rostov moved in elite circles, rubbing elbows with the Upper Class of Russia and the world,  all while appreciating the finer things in life. But that all ended with a poem that sent him back to the Metropol Hotel under house arrest, never to leave again. Effectively, he became a non-person.

This is where this sweeping novel begins, and, despite never truly leaving the confines of the hotel, where we get to reflect on the events transpiring outside the Metropol's doors. As despite the fact that Rostov can never leave the hotel, the world still walks through its elegant lobby.

So while Rostov readjusts to life in a cramped attic room, a far cry from the generous suites he was previously used to, life still happens. And while the story is slow to unfold, one cannot help but be swept up in Rostov's reflections on it. There are touching scenes of love, friendship, fealty, honesty, and deviousness that are hard to resist. My favourite scene being when Rostov is led into the cellar to view the vast wine collection, only to find not a label in sight. I too was aghast at the travesty of it and couldn't put the book down from there.

While the book is a work of fiction, Towles adds plenty of historical events to set his stage. For fans of Russian literature, I'm not sure if this novel would hit the mark, but I found it worth the read and look forward to discussing it further with my book club when we meet. 

illusion

I scribe illusion

from the truths inside of me

who would believe them

...

* inspired from a prompt from Colleen's Weekly Tanka Tuesday

I used synonyms for #write and #myth

The Clay Girl

Heather sent a care package for my book club

She wanted to be here in person, but we figured out the next best thing...

Last night, my book club reconvened for the year. We take the summer off, as most people are busy and all over the place. In June, we plan out some of the books we plan to read over the course of the year, then take the summer to tackle a few of the TBR pile. By September, we are ready to get back into it.

It is hard to believe that my little book club is into year 9 already. Where does the time go? We have grown into a pretty vibrant group of women though, and I wouldn't trade my ladies in for anything. As I hosted this month, I decided to start our year with a little pizzazz. First, let me tell you how I came to pick up The Clay Girl though.

The Clay Girl 

by Heather Tucker

A table set with wine and Clay Girl treats

Back in the spring, a girlfriend of mine recommended The Clay Girl, by Heather Tucker. From the first page, she loved the prose and the story. As I respect her literary opinion, I too picked up the book. I am always looking for a new book to read, plus I needed a recommendation for my book club. As soon as I started to read Ari's story, I was sold too.

With the power of social media, Corrie's praise attracted the attention of Heather. She commented on Corrie's Facebook thread and I chimed in too, telling Heather that I would be recommending the book to my book club. One thing lead to another and Heather agreed to join us virtually when we met up in September. Yippee!

Jasper love - bookmarks, book stickers,
cards & recommendations

So come this week, Heather and I sat down to figure out Skype. A few hiccups later and all I had to do was set out food, wine, and wait for my ladies to show up. By 8pm, we were ready to call Heather. It was time to discuss the book.

The Clay Girl opens with Ari, an 8-year-old girl, alone and on her way to an unknown aunt's house in Cape Breton. While some of the women in my book club were challenged with the early pages of the book, the story is written from Ari's perspective, and she is a confused young lady just come from a very traumatic experience. It makes sense that the tale is slightly harder to follow, as Ari herself doesn't know what to expect and what is going on. As Ari grows though, her voice and story matures. Before you know it, you are hooked.

We were lucky to have Heather share insights into the book
and her writing of it via a Skype chat

I should share that this story resonated with many of the members of my book club. We are made up of women, mothers, teachers, social workers, lawyers, and people concerned about the world—many of the very people who should have been and were there for Ari. While Ari's world is a dismal one—a drug-addicted mother, an abusive stepfather, a father who commits suicide in front of Ari's sisters, to name a few challenges—she also has a wonderful support system behind her helping her to navigate an extremely challenging childhood. In our discussion with Heather, we learned more about her take on those supportive people and how they influenced Ari's world.

Really though, this book is about resiliency. Yes, Ari has people in her world who help to catch her so she doesn't fall too far, but it is truly herself who fords her path. She leans on people around her, but the strength is all hers. I love how she might have come from a compilation of different people in Heather's life, but Ari was her own force to be reckoned with. The beautiful poster that Heather sent along with book marks and book stickers sums up Ari's inspiring outlook on life.

Dream BIG, be grateful, give, share, hope... You will find the way, if you only believe. Thank you Heather and thank you Ari. Pick up this book and be inspired.

Hug Me, Please!

Hug Me, Please! by Przemysław Wechterowicz, Illustrated by Emilia Dziubak, ©2017, words & pictures (a division of Quarto Knows)


Receiving a book in the mail is always a special treat in my world. When a children's book appears, it is even more exciting, especially for my kids. And even though Hug Me, Please! is geared for children aged 3-5 years, my ten-year old immediately grabbed the picture book from my hands and instantly sat down to read this delightful book.

The skillfully illustrated book warms the heart
of anyone who appreciates the power of a hug

Hugging is a favourite pastime of mine, so it is no wonder I was enchanted by this sweet book. Little Bear and Daddy Bear wake up one day and decide that today would make a perfect day to spread some joy in the forest. Their goal—to deliver as many hugs as they can.

"It felt strange but nice." 

Everyone they meet gets a hug. Mr. Beaver is a bit uncertain, but that doesn't stop him from enjoying the experience. An Old Elk is surprised, but delighted by his hug. A visiting anaconda receives a hug with pleasure. From old to young, small to large, strangers to the forest, and even characters you might not always think to hug, everyone is included.

This simple story reminds us that we could all use a hug some days. They make us feel good, regardless of who we are or what others may think of us. Thank you for giving me the chance to flip the pages of this colourful book Quarto Group! From feel-good story to beautiful illustrations, I loved Hug Me, Please! And now I feel like I need to pass on a few hugs of my own...

Hugs!

Dance of the Jakaranda

Dance of the Jakaranda by Peter Kimani, © 2017, Akashic Books

What better time than the holidays for travel. That is exactly what I got when I picked up Dance of the Jakaranda by Peter Kimani over the holidays. I was whisked off to Africa for a look at Kenya during the years of British colonization and its subsequent independence.

Dance of the Jakaranda opens in the Great Rift Valley in 1901. The first train chugs along the newly built railway linking Nakuru and Mombasa with Reverend Turnbull and Master on board. In second and third class, the rest of the people who broke their backs building the rail line are on board—blacks and browns alike. Class might separate them on the train, but their lives are intertwined and a collision course is inevitable.

Kimani looks at the peoples who shaped a nation in his newest novel. The story follows Babu Salim, an Indian technician, Ian McDonald, the colonial administrator sent to oversee the building of the railway, and Richard Turnbull, a preacher intent on leaving his mark on the African people. The novel delves into the tumultuous race relations between the many people who shaped it. Broken dreams leave their mark and change the shape of history for not only themselves, but the many people who come after, including Babu's grandson Rajan.

We all have faults, but some leave a bigger impact than others. Should the British have tried to enforce their will in shaping a nation, regardless of how many lives were lost and cultures corroded? Can we condemn people for self-serving behaviours, despite the good that invariably comes along with it? Is it ever that easy when the backlash can be as heavy-handed as the original infractions? I think not, as Kimani steps into the minds and hearts of all his characters, regardless of the colour of their skin and decisions they have made, be they good or ill.

Thank you to Akashic books for another book that has me thinking long after the last page is turned. May we all learn the lessons that come from the mistakes we make. 

Soar

Death and dying. I sense a theme. Is it the age I am at? Really? Early forties?! A mite young for contemporaries, but we are exposed to death at any age.

At age of 5, my father died. A few years later, his mother died from grief—god speed Gaga.

The years passed and family friends faded away; some old, many young. Cancer, you fiend, you were often the cause.

Lest you be a stranger, cancer came knocking again. After a seeming lull, you knocked on my door to announce your presence in my husband's life; his leg. You took your pound of flesh, then within a scant few years came calling for the rest.

Thirties—that's what Brad was. Too young, but you don't play with numbers. I have seen children touched by your mark. You are ruthless in your indeterminate arc.

I thought I had made peace with you. After fearing the C-word for most of my life, I saw the other side. Some fought the good fight and won. They looked you in the eyes and met you—survived. They were given a reprieve; the gift of rebirth. Oh, I know it means you lurk forever in the wings taunting with what-ifs, but when given the second chance to cherish every day once more, it is worth the gamble.

But today, you snuck in from the wings. Bert hadn't even seen 60. She lived a good life; rarely drank, drove the speed limit, took care of her mother... No matter. It was enough for you. It seems unjust! She lived for her cats, to do a good job at work, and to make sure her mother was well cared for. Now what? She complained, but not early enough. Surgeons opened her up to find you everywhere. Your chaos was more than anyone could battle. Within a month poor Bertie was gone.

And I found out too late.

No funeral, no mass, no fanfare. It was her way, but leaves me hollow. How does one say goodbye when the guilt of days passed stands in the way of goodbye? I should have called. I could have visited. No more.

I'm sorry Betha. I wish you had been given a fairer shake in this thing called life. More moments, Bigger joy, in depth love to make a heart swoon. It was not to be.

Perhaps this is my reminder to reach for those moments myself. Just this week I noted my lack of joy, the infrequent pangs of love, and the crazy busy life I lead, which, while hectic, doesn't fulfil my heart's desire. Is someone trying to tell me something? Live life before the unknown number of allotted days are gone...

Oh Bert. I am so sorry for your quick departure. I hope you find your way to the next life and discover more joy in it. Blessings to you my friend.


RIP BK. Soar...

tissue paper hands

If I squeeze too tight

tissue paper hands will tear

my dying vigil

your forehead's stress lines

passed to survivors

In memory of my grandmother, Margaret McLeod
RIP

Measure

Daily updates
from my phone
no change...
no change...
never any change;
but the worst is in store.

Three, the number of 
weeks one can live without food...
You have been going on eight months.
No solids have passed your lips.
No voluntary movements towards fork or spoon.
How does a body survive on memory alone?

Three, the number of 
days one can live without water...
You stopped drinking two months ago.
Occasionally thirst will get the better of you
and a dixie cup can be coaxed between lips;
that third day must be the charm.

The number of spilled tears
counted in family;
children, grandchildren, great grandchildren.
The amount of sweat equity 
counted in people;
nurses, doctors, support staff.

This is what a life comes down to
at the end of a day;
measuring tears, sips and breathes
until they all run dry,
but today's update:
about the same...

Missing Steps

Missing Steps by Paul Cavanagh, © 2015, Not That London, Publisher

Dean Lajeunesse has a chip on his shoulder. He was only 10 when his father first started showing signs of early-onset Alzheimer's. Back then, no one knew that the erratic behaviour, memory lapses, and withdrawal from normal everyday activities were signs of a disease. They were embarrassing at best, and stress-inducing every step of the way for everyone touched by his father's illness.

Dean's mother coped the best she could; she worked several jobs, leaned on the neighbours when they needed to borrow their vehicle to track down Dean's Dad after he had wandered off, and tried to stay stoic in the face of his worsening condition.

Dean's brother Perry lost himself in sports, extracurricular activities, and his school studies. Any closeness that had existed between brothers was lost in the confusion surrounding their father's illness.

And Dean? He was left to figure out his Dad's dementia on his own. His response was to draw away from everything and everyone. And even after his father was hospitalized, institutionalized, and then died, Dean still refused to step out of his own shell.

Flash forward several decades and not much has changed for Dean. He is still loathe to let people in to his life and blames others for his lack of intimacy and overall success. But when his boss pulls him into his office to discuss his recent questionable behaviours and erratic performance at work, Dean can't help but fear that perhaps his father's Alzheimer's has struck him. Before he can think too much about it though, he is summoned to his mother's bedside and discovers not only that she is dying, but that his big brother Perry, who was always the successful and popular one, has been diagnosed with the dreaded Alzheimer's disease. And the years of animosity, standoffishness, and enforced separation come tumbling down when their truths are laid bare.

Paul Cavanagh doesn't aim to have you like his characters, but as his stories unfold, you learn to understand them and perhaps get a little insight as to why they act the way they do. We are all formed from the experiences we live, but we don't have to be stuck in their shadows. With a little honesty and insight, we can learn or perhaps unlearn a lifetime's worth of lessons. Sometimes we just have to give life a chance to show us the way and accept help when it is offered.

All Waiting is Long

All Waiting is Long by Barbara J. Taylor, © 2016, Akashic Books

The generous folks at Akashic Books often send me emails regarding books they are publishing. When I heard that Barbara J Taylor had a sequel out to Sing in the Morning, Cry at Night, I jumped at the chance to read it. And it didn't take long to get through.

As the book opens, sisters Violet and Lily Morgan arrive at the back door of the Good Shepherd Infant Asylum. The front door is only for doctors, adoptive families, benefactors and the clergy; and the girls are none of these things. Lily has gotten herself pregnant at age 16 and her older sister Violet has agreed to accompany her to the asylum as a cover story so no one will guess her real predicament—her illegitimate pregnancy. The problem is that when Lily delivers the baby, Violet struggles to abandon the girl to strangers.

As the years pass, the girls clash and struggle from the decisions made years before. Taylor deftly weaves a tale that quickly pulls you in wondering what will become of them and the lies they've propped up around themselves to make it all work. Will their relationship survive? And if the truth were to come out, what would their husbands, family and the townsfolk think?

I won't spoil the novel any more than that, but suffice to say, if you enjoyed 'Sing in the Morning, Cry at Night', you won't be disappointed with Taylor's newest novel.

Thanks again to Akashic Books for offering me the chance to read an advance copy of 'All Waiting is Long'! Another great read from the Kaylie Jones Books line.

bloom

on this spring day
the flowers bloom
birds return
and life renews

the hollow space
inside my heart
tears a little bit
gets blown apart

so many days
dark winter knew
silent as the grave
left feeling blue

shall i own them now
or cast pall aside
blossoms burst to life
time for joy's stride

violet blush

sweet blush of my cheeks

hope blossoms eternally

our renewal sings

~

My Journey

I began blogging in 2009. I have written the story of how I came to blogging before, but am still grateful to Gord for pointing the way to what has become a lifestyle and career for me. It has been a journey which has taken many twists and turns, but the words have led me through. 

Those words have shown up in many places. This blog was my first, but certainly not the only place where I've written. Few know of the small blog I started to work out a little more of my grief journey. It was short-lived and didn't have many entries, but some of them were rather insightful. 

For whatever reason today, I found myself perusing that old blog. I suppose I can guess what drew me there. It's April; the month in which I was married, bought the house I live in now, and on April 1st, 2007 Brad was hospitalized with what looked like a stroke, but which ended up being a bleed in his brain. The cause; his cancer had spread and was now inoperable and fatal. 

April was an awful month for years. In 2008 I found myself retreating back into a worse state, not realizing it was a grief wave set in motion due to anniversary stress. By 2009, I knew to expect the awful choking memories and residual grief surges which flared during this difficult time period. In the years that followed, the waves were less difficult to maneuver, but still there none the less.

Today, I still feel the effects from a time period that smashed the world as I knew it. April 1st was the anniversary of the beginning of the end of my life with Brad. He will be gone nine years this summer. It is hard to believe sometimes, but I cannot imagine my life any other way now. Much has come and gone since then, but it's still hard not to feel his presence in April. And I guess that's alright.

So today I thought I would share an old post from a time long ago. I feel it held hope, which makes me glad for that woman who was days away from the 4th anniversary of impending loss. And those words offered pretty sage advice, if I do say so myself.

~~~

MY JOURNEY

March 25th, 2011;

Listen

When those that walk the earth take flight

we cry and tear our hair so tight,

but listen quiet and you'll hear

their footsteps follow always near.

When we have known someone, they leave an imprint on our soul. That cannot be erased. A loved one's voice will always be there to comfort and guide the way, if you but just listen...

winter moss

breathing  in  the  moment
I walk purposeful with soul
world encompassing

late winter sparkles

hints of green life

here I stand

touched by a gift

for my eyes

~

frost touches

I'm
waiting
for the day
when the frost melts
and sweet life unfurls,
bursts magically forth
from my cold, tight
embrace.

I'm waiting...
to embrace magic
frost touches
furled life
melted
love
cold

wait
today is
life, sweet
blooming buds
melting heart
Magic...

Steps

A New Year
a new day...
More of the same, like days gone by?
~ hoping for more I pray.

Prayers are good and fine,
but actions beget more.
It's time to take life in mine own hands
and create a path to explore.

Idle steps lead nowhere fast;
if I want to find life and pep
the route to this door, this trail
starts today in my chosen step

So walk along, I wander;
my route mine to choose.
This year, a year of purpose
peace and happiness—the goal, to not abuse

What path have you set yourself on in 2016?