Earlier this summer I received a request to review a memoir by debut author Laura Fahrenthold. The premise of the story rang close to my heart—grief. A young mother loses her husband and goes on a journey to rediscover life and begin to forge a path to her new normal. I have walked in those same shoes, so it should be no surprise that I said yes for this review.
Instead of writing a review though—I feared I would take over with tales from my own grief journey—I asked if Laura would answer a few questions for me. In addition to learning more about the book, I thought my readers could discover more about the process behind Laura's journey. And I happily have a little more to share about Laura's journey with you! I hope you enjoy a few more insights from Laura's journey in life.
If you haven't had a chance to read The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles, I highly recommend it!
A Closer Look at The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles...
Grief is a much longer journey than many people realize.
When did you decide it was time and you were ready to write your chronicles
highlighting your grief journey? How long did it take to write the book?
Actually, life is a much longer journey than most people
realize! There are so many stages to it. That’s really what the book is about—it’s
a book about going through the stages of life and how I coped with a huge
tragedy by driving 31,000 miles across Canada and the U.S. searching for
answers to life’s biggest questions. Sometimes, I got answers in the arms of
Costco and Walmart shoppers; other times I found my own truths when staring
into the sky. And I definitely learned so much from being with my daughters.
It’s crazy how everything can change in a matter of six devastating minutes.
While that sounds so deep, and perhaps dark and depressing,
the book is anything but that, as suggested by the title itself: The Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles! It’s
truly an often hilarious look at my efforts to gain emotional and physical
strength through the open road in a beat-up old RV we named HaRVey with my two
eyeball rolling teenagers and a stray dog, driving through our grief while
gaining new experiences to work into our backbones.
So really, I didn’t decide to write this book. It decided to
write me.
What do you mean the book decided to write you?
I never set out to write The
Pink Steering Wheel Chronicles. That isn’t what our ashes-sprinkling RV
trips were about. They were about spending time with my daughters, having
amazing experiences that would hopefully replace our sadness. We needed to
climb mountains like Les Palissades de Charlevoix (which helped me overcome a
fear of heights…well, sort of), ride the tidal waves in the Bay of Fundy and go
mud sliding down the banks of the Shubenacadie River. We also ended up invited
to a wedding in Cape Breton where we got to milk goats on their farm! We were
always up to something during those
31,000 miles of adventures.
Friends kept saying I should share my story, that I should
write a book, given that I am a journalist. And I thought, you know what? They
are right! My story is so relatable on so many levels that it could really help
motivate people to get out there and live before they die, too.
I started and stopped several times, but then when I found
my husband’s journals, I knew I had to do this. Those journals were the puzzle
pieces which put the whole thing into perspective. It was astounding, really.
It took about three years from start to finish while working
my full-time job as an editor at Woman’s
World Magazine. This meant I spent every second of my off-hours, including
nights, weekends and holidays, writing, rewriting, examining every single word,
rewriting more, editing more, putting it down, picking it up, crying, writing,
doubting, declaring it done and then picking it back up again before finally
pitching agents, and finding the best publisher— Hatherleigh Press, distributed
by Penguin Random House. And now here we are with a book that was published
this summer.
It takes immense strength to rebuild a life after the
loss of a spouse. I know firsthand the process is not always pretty but is
amazing in how transformative it can be. What are you most proud of
accomplishing? What are some of your continuing struggles?
I’m most proud of accomplishing what I set out to do—which
is rebuild our lives in the most wonderful way that I could, to give my
daughters crazy, fun, positive experiences to draw upon so that their father’s
death did not become bigger than our lives. None of us had the tools to deal
with what we saw and experienced that night, but now we do. You can drop us in
the middle of nowhere with a dollar in our pockets and we will find our way
out. Mission accomplished. We are three strong, smart independent women who can
now change RV tires, rock climb mountains, swim across rivers, ward off
alligators—you name it! And find our ways back home.
I continuously struggle with having to do it all myself (I
call myself Mr. Laura). I especially hate taking the garbage out; that’s when I
miss my husband the most, on Monday mornings! But seriously, we all have
struggles. My struggle is that I continuously struggle with my struggling to
stop struggling.
Do you have any words of advice on how best to support
someone going through their own grieving process?
Grief comes in all forms. Loss of a job. Unrequited love.
Broken promises. Health issues. Divorce. Death. Disappointments. We all go
through something at some point. My best advice is not to expect too much of a
person in grief. Don’t take their responses or lack of responses personally.
They need time. And when you are with them, just listen. Just be there for
them.
You never know what a road trip might bring. Adventure, misadventure,
laughter, tears, epiphanies, arguments, and hopefully a little growth along the
way. Do you have any other road trips planned for you and the girls?
My daughters used to say they’d rather die than go on
another RV trip! But then my older begged me to take “HaRVey the RV” on another
trip with her and her best friend this past summer. And she drove most of the
way! I joked that there’s a new sheriff in town!
HaRVey is and will remain a big part of our lives. It’s like
having a giant dog in the driveway that always want to run free and play.
Sometimes I like to go sleep out there. It’s fun and feels like a
mini-vacation. I know the girls can’t wait for more trips. We’ve talked about
Vancouver next! But no more sprinkling Mark. He’s RIPing at his boyhood home in
Kansas in a giant field of bright yellow sunflowers.
***
Thank you so much to Laura Fahrenthold and Hatherleigh Press for sharing this poignant story and the strength it takes to grab life when you think it has escaped you. As Laura reminded me, Everybody needs love. The journey of finding it is within all our grasps, even if that means finding it within ourselves.
