Smiles Forever Strong

First day of  new school

time for Momma to ease up

let girls be themselves

life will keep going

love will still flow freely on

smiles forever strong

Day 2

I really shouldn't delve into this again. It will probably just get my feathers all rustled again, but... In blogland people often share tidbits about their day right? Yes, so;


wakeup to child crawling into bed with me
dry pants, so all good
alarm will go off in ten minutes
sigh...
awake now.

Breakfast
coffee, coffee
upper bathroom not clean yet, so still heading to basement to get clean
get clean
NO!! Don't run the water!!! You will scald Mommy! AhHHHHhhheeee
towel dry
brush teeth to prevent bad words from falling out of my lips
get dressed in my finest painting garb,
now turned to pants with the instantaneous change in seasons since Labour Day

Look at children
Look at clock
with 45 minutes before we have to leave to walk to bus
they have on rubber boots and coats
ready to go
waiting for tardy ole me
with 43 minutes before we have to leave
sigh...
a little excited they are indeed.

drag out hair drying, shoe finding, my lunch packing
leave 20 minutes early
offer home-made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies to the handy neighbour (yes, very yummy!)
slowly amble towards bus stop with 17 minutes to spare
wait, wait, wait
see bus approaching and mist up a bit
watch 60 some-odd kids push and shove onto bus, with the littlest ones inching on last
my two
seperate seats
driving away

I stay strong
go to work
leave work to pick up children

between my house and the bus stop my cell phone rings
"Are you R. L.'s Mom?"
my baby
"yes"
"She's not on the bus"
heart racing "WHAT?"
at the school, but daughter number 1 shall be arriving momentarily via the bus
"WHAT!!"
"A slight mix up"
"WHAT!!!!!"

Frantic Mother Bear flies into rage
collects eldest in vise-like grip sprinting home to the van
races to school mindful of other little feet on the road
finds evidence of daughter
eventually finds daughter with help of Vice Principal
NOT Happy Mommy
They can tell
I make sure

after the shaking subsides
I make dinner
safe in our bastion of care
meal not eaten to spite
yet again
nothing exciting or new for them
except gym class

phone lines were burned up with my venting
to safe spaces
to figure out what went wrong with today
and how I can make tomorrow a better day
a better new day

Almost off "The List"

new floor grouted now

beautiful bathroom to be

baseboards still, then done?!

oh, plus add water

to taps that are not quite there.

Soon my worthy spa

Soon serenity,

splashing children in tub and 

Project off the list

letting go...

I am so spent.

gritty eyes not willing 

to look forth into

 the day any more.

how many years

 until I can do the fist pump

to the bus stop on

the first day of school?

Not today, yet.

Nor tomorrow at my guess,

but perhaps I will

by the last day of class.

^^^

Hey, what the heck. This Haiku-esque poem counts as enough for the night.  Both my babies started school for the first time today. My little white lie was that I was excited for them and that was why moisture was dripping off my chin. They don't need to know that this is another stop on the grief journey for me,

but I will survive...

I have already.

The school bus brought them home at the end of the day.

Together.

It will take them to school on their next day

and the day after that

and after that...

Labour Day

Tis Monday; Monday September 6th or Labour Day in North America. One day before Tuesday September 7th or the first day of school for my babies. Both of them. ACK! Oh, I know that most of you lovely people have been there and done that. Knowing that you all survived does help me to keep myself together today. I have to admit that I have been flitting around pretty constant though. We made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies this morning. I have chicken thighs in the crock pot. I have a roast beef in the oven for dinner tonight. I also have more chicken marinating for dinner later in the week. Yesterday I made spaghetti sauce and meat loaf. The spaghetti sauce will be going to my friend's house  who is recovering from her surgery last week (a little has been saved for us for a meal as well). I have cleaned lunch bags, counters and done several loads of laundry today. Can you tell that I am a little anxious? Nah!

I have double checked bus routes and schedules. I plan to drive the kids to school tomorrow, but just might let them come home on the bus. I am comfortable enough with my nervousness to rebuff all the suggestions that I should relax and put the kids on the bus right off. Not going to do it. Nope. With three school amalgamating into one, I just don't think that Day 1 of school will be 100% smooth. We did  have a brief stop and visit to their class rooms on Friday, meeting T's teacher en route. I feel better, but I don't think it will hurt for me to take them tomorrow. Because realistically you know it is all about me. Yes, I realize that my darling children will be the ones attending school. I am the one that is releasing care of my most precious possessions to complete strangers though. No, I do not think of them as possessions, but they are my life. I am their only parent and I think that I am just having a hard time releasing care. I am used to being the be all and end all of their worlds. This is a bigger step into the wide world of their life outside of mine. Yes, that is it. They are growing up. sigh...

Right now though I am still needed. Elbow pads are requested for a bit of bike riding so I must go. My babies still need me today. I need them more than they realize, so must go.