Sunday, February 21, 2010

Performance Anxiety? Nah...

   So I have to share a little secret with you. I am a little bit stressed. Tomorrow evening I am hosting my book club's meeting. There are a few factors here that cause me angst. The first being that I have not finished the book yet (Yes, I know that I could be doing that now. Thank you for reminding me). The second is that with me hosting I should present a clean and tidy house. This never happens for more than 5 minutes at my house. Yesterday I vacuumed the entire upstairs world, with dusting attachment and everything. Within half and hour lunch occurred and the kitchen floor resumed it's normal state of existence; crumb covered. I live with this, as I know having two girls under the age of five necessitates a mess or two. Tomorrow though I have outsiders entering my abode. Some of the ladies have never been here before, therefore might want a toodle around. I do a great job of looking through things and not even seeing messes. Right now I cannot help but notice the masses of papers cluttering counters in my kitchen. Oh.

   "How do I deal with that?", I wonder to myself.

   So now I feel like I am up for inspection. Ack! I think this is where my anxieties step up to the plate. What will people think of me? I already fail in my eyes, as I cannot live up to my own expectations, let alone anyone else's. No. No, no, no! Stop! Put the brakes on the negative train. I have had enough. I will clean again tomorrow after the children go to daycare. I will do the best that I can and accept what does not happen. Many of the ladies have children and all have a job of some sort or another. I can do nothing but my best and if that means I ask them to walk through the kitchen with eyes cast down, so be it. So what! Will they judge me? Maybe. Maybe not. Does it matter? Not in the grand scheme of things.

   Realistically I do not think I am that worried, if I think about it. It is a sunny day. The girls and I went for a walk to enjoy some of the rays, which is much more important for them and me. We all thrilled to the melting snow and gloried in each other's company. Plus, I managed to put another coat of paint on the trunk that was started many moons ago. So I will close today with a few pics to celebrate the day.

I think that these smiles are worth every bit of sniff I get over a less than perfect house...


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