missing

I rolled over and my arm fell on the cold spot in the bed.

How long would it be before that wasn't a shock to the system anymore? No one else warmed the sheets. No one else would be making the coffee. No lover stood in the shower, or had walked out the front door on their way to work for the day. No one else filled the gas tank or my many waking hours. I was alone.

After so many weeks, how was it that fresh tears could still form under swollen lids? Was I doomed to this nightmare forever more? Would I ever wake up from this sick and twisted turn of my life? The answer of course was no.

Life no longer held another to be responsible to or to care about my fate. I could bypass the potatoes when buying groceries and never step into a hardware store ever again. But I was drawn to them none the less. The ten pound bags of yukon gold made my cry. I wandered the aisles of big box stores, feeling lost, but somehow drawn to the next lane to see if there was some other item that I really did need. When I did find something to purchase, I stared at my choices for what seemed an eternity, not wanting to fail and never confident enough about my own decisions. I needed to prove myself, but felt like I always set myself up to fail. The wrong size, shape or consistency doomed me every time. I returned the next week to try again though. And again.

This missing appendage was bigger than the spot on the bed and it amazed me how it grew with time. I now questioned food choices, TV shows, wall colours and more. I couldn't decide on a new bath tub, as what would happen if I picked wrong? How could I live with myself if I chose one roofer over another and the sky fell in?

Somehow the challenges kept coming though. Somehow I managed to choose. And one day I recognized that you weren't really missing anymore. You had been there all along, catching every tear that I shed. You applauded my choices and did your best to offer advice in the only way you could, through memories and slight of hand persuasions that I picked up on, but never quite realized. You sent me praise through a friend's touch or faith from your daughter's eyes. And occasionally, I found a piece of you that you left in my path  and I knew that you would be with me til the end.

That spot in the bed is no longer cold and I feel your smile on my shoulders strong. It is amazing that I was lost for so long, but slowly I awake and find I am missing no more.

♥♥♥

Again, not quite fiction, but drawn from a prompt at Mostly Fiction Mondays brought to us from Stranger and Me

the stories of life...

Downloading the stories of my life;

I see flashes of children, 

scents of flowers

and essences of home.

But,

Where am I to be seen?

Is it time to take a moment for me?

Go With The Flow

Adrift, I throw a stick into the trickling stream and watch it tumble away from me, like so many moments upon my path. It gets sucked down into the boiling rapids, pops back up farther downstream, and then drifts aimless on towards the future what-ifs. There are rocks along the path, that represent bumps and bruises to be had, but somehow the little vessel keeps going with the stream. A tip of the stick might get broken or bark peeled away on its watery journey, but as long as water flows, so too does the twig. How to contemplate such a thing, when I remain sitting on the side of the stream?

Even in our darkest days, when we get stuck in a swirling eddy, swept away by a downpour, or even worse, the stream threatens to dry up and leave us stranded, there is still hope. Something will come along to knock us out of our stasis and propel us forward again. Drought does not last forever, even when any amount of rain dances seem to fail. A deluge that may drown everything but the moment will eventually slacken, if we can but hold onto our faith. We need to trust in time, forward movement and the promise of life.

I have seen the seasons change my soul, but find myself still bobbing along in the river of life. At times, the river has seemed too wide to reach any shore, too torrential to ever dream of surviving the ride or too barren to ever have hopes of seeing another creature in sight. Should I be surprised that the bends in the stream have brought new scenery? Am I truly drifting or is this the path that I was placed upon by an unknown hand long ago.

However I got here, I think that the stream knows the journey well, whether I foresee the ripples along the surface or not. And as I arise from my perch on the streambed, I see my children laughing and running in circles just steps from me. They will have their own share of ripples through life, but perhaps my tears will make their flow easier somehow. Maybe my branch will block the path towards dangerous eddies or cut off dry streamlets that fade into nothingness. I just have to trust and go with the flow and realize that we aren't so adrift as we sometimes feel.

~^~^~^~

This might not be quite fiction, but it came from ideas presented over at Me & Stranger's blogs, as they "drift" along in the blogosphere. 

Counting Up, Counting Down

Well, well, well. Twould seem that there is some mischief afoot in the blogosphere. My dear friend "Me" has tagged me in a little game of quizzes, compliments of her friend Bubba. And surprise, surprise (to me anyway) I rose to the challenge and answered all her questions pretty quick. The harder part will be coming up with some new questions for the poor saps that I pick on to play along in the shenanigans, but I'll work on that.

So here are the rules of engagement;

The requirements for taking part:

1. You must post these rules
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
4. Tag eleven people with a link to your post
   
5. Let them know you tagged them

Drum roll please, as I roll out my answers....

1. Did you have an imaginary friend when you were a kid?  Details, please!
Umm, nope. Spent all my time with a nose in a book. They were my friends.

2.  Ever seen a ghost?  Met a psychic?  Had a prophetic dream?  Just about everyone, even if you don't really believe, has had some sort of supernatural experience.  What's one of yours?
That is worthy of a whole blog post I suspect. I am hoping that my dream from last week wasn't prophetic, but there have been moments when I wonder. While I have never had a Demi moment with Patrick, my hubby has made his presence known on more than one occasion.


3. What is your biggest addiction?
That is sadly too easy to answer - social media. I work, play and learn all day, every day

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
ME! And a writer. ;-)


5. What was the last concert you went to?
Iron & Wine in the fall with none other than the lady that tagged me "Me"


6. What was the last movie you watched?
That one is harder, unless you count kids movies. Watched "Shrek 2"  and "Finding Nemo" over Friday night pizza with my kids tonight. And caught "Soylent Green" for the first time about a month ago. It's People!!

7.  Beatles or Stones?  Why?
Ok, I suspect I will get yelled at for either answer, but I just don't care. I probably would have picked the Sex Pistols from that generation or maybe the Mamas & the Papas. I am just kind of lame that way, but could sing along with most songs from either band aforementioned in a pinch, I bet.


8. If you could be invisible for twenty-four hours, what would you do?
I think I have been invisible before. It is called not seeing others. I lived in that state for the better part of a year. It wasn't much fun. I much prefer the company of those that love me, surrounding me with occasional moments of alone time to balance life off.

9. You're on death row.  What do you request for your last meal?
Got to be lobster, with sides of king crag, scallops, shrimp, mussels and any other seafood you come across. Yum!

10. We all have a few regrets in life.  What's the number one thing you regret NOT doing?
Although I really wouldn't change it, I would love to know how my life would have turned out if I had gone to Egypt during my African Adventure. Hmm, dreamin...


11. You ran off and joined the circus.  What's your act?
Probably a clown, but maybe I would be the scantily clad lady holding a hula hoop for the lions to jump through?!


Taa-daa, I did it! Now the harder part of coming up with questions. Hmm...

1. You are all grown up now and can look back on the days of your youth fondly. What did you like best about your hometown?


2. Time to shake off the rose-coloured glasses. What did you like least?


3. Where is your favourite place to go now?


4. Which location makes you cringe at the thought of approaching it?


5. Who would you take with you take with you to #3? Why?


6. If you have to go there, who would you want to accompany you to the worst place in the world?


7. I am thinking of a colour. What is it?


8. Not very good at this are you? How about you just share what your favourite colour is then :)


9. Have you ever been in love? How did you really know? How did it make you feel?


10. You are sitting fireside around a campfire singalong. What song do you request and/or play?


11. Dare I ask about a bucket list? Whether you have one or not, what secret dream have you always held onto & do you think you will ever make it happen?

Well now, I managed to come up with a few questions of my own somehow. Cool! Now for the last part of this cursed task that has been sitting in my draft folder for far too long - to find people to include in the fun;

I would be interested to see what Ron, Shelley, Possum, Stranger, Mijayami, Me, Brian, PattiKen, G-Man, Monkey Man and YOU might come up with, but realize that some of these good folks have already played or just don't have the time. And as I am often in the time-constrained boat myself, I completely get it. Really, that's fine too, as me tossing out names has more to do with me being curious and caring about their two cents worth (might have to up that to a nickle I guess, as the penny has now been made defunct in Canada). Regardless, if you have the inclination to join in or throw an answer or two into your comment, I would be thrilled. If not, have a great weekend folks! I love you anyway!!

Spring is On The Rise

The smell of flowers fills the air 
A heady scent which none can compare. 
In colours red, yellow and pink,
a rainbow that I deign to drink.


Soft and bright upon my eyes
touching soul, I do surmise 
Smoothing ruffles left from dull
winter doldrums swept clean and full. 


Ah, sweet Spring is on the rise 
along with life's new enterprises
I dream a dream of new love found 
and awaken feeling its embrace profound. 


Smiles and sunshine fill me up 
enough to sate an old wound's crux 
And grief is left in winter's wake 
to remind us of the season's slake.


I shall not dwell in that cold house 
feeding a sorrow I do espouse 
For I now stand upon my feet 
facing a life that I do entreat 


with the smell of fresh flowers
in an air that empowers 
a new colourful life begins 
and is surrounded by nature's grins.


Now I hold pure blessings to Spring 
in all of its worth and all that it brings 
Naked I come and offer my soul 
and prostrate give thanks for a long journey's toll

~Peace~