The Plan; Nixed!

   Today has not gone according to plan. Funny how that happens when children inhabit your world. In the pre-dawn hours a cry rang out. I was instantly awake, but lay still for a moment. Perhaps it was a dream. No, there it goes again. Tears. The tears of an ear infection. I have heard them many a time before. I can tell by looking at her, listening to her. Yes, Dr Mom dons her hat again. A hug and a kiss. The best medicine. Not enough this morning. A second trip brought Motrin. Go on the pain relief, hopefully go back to sleep train of thought. Tuck back into bed, just about asleep... and again. Water. I know she is not feeling well and I tell myself this as I stumble to the kitchen to get a sippy cup filled with vodka water. Maybe sleep? Nope. Just warm enough to start drifting off again and she whimpers again. I cringe and try to escape under the blankets further. I am sending reiki, therapeutic touch, rainbows and sleeping aids at her from under my pillow, but I hear her open her bedroom door crying. "Make it stop", I whimper to myself. Alas, not to be. I call to her and she finally comes and crawls into bed with me. Kisses and snuggles and finally I win. She drifts off to sleep. I too edge back towards dream land, but am rudely jarred back by the alarm. Grrrr. Snooze. The alarm is insistent though. I have windows being installed this morning. My man proclaimed he wold be here by 8am. The alarm reminds me of this yet again. Finally, I accept my fate. I carefully slide my arm out from under my sleeping baby and head to the shower. She is good and asleep now. Looks blissful. Jealousy will get me nowhere though. Coffee will.

   So I clean the sleep out of my eyes and slip into my jeans. My big girl blearily stumbles into the bathroom with one eye open.

  "Morning," I state.

   Yes, it is. Milk gets poured, followed by the integral coffee. The minutes tick and I wonder if our agreed upon time was 8:30, not eight. I could have got a few minutes more sleep! R materializes in the kitchen rubbing groggily at her face. Time to call the doctor. I have been anticipating this since last week. An appointment is set and I check the clock again. Now I have to be to the doctor by 10:15 and have my eldest dropped off at daycare beforehand. Still no windows.  At 9:00 I call my guy. Are we still on, I postulate. I suggest that I thought we had a date for 8am. He is on his way and asks what time it is. He sounds surprised to hear it is already nine, but promises to be there in 15-20 minutes. Hrmph. Starting to count minutes now. Kids into snow suits and we are out the day as he pulls in. He jokes that he won't steal my flat screen TV and I laugh. Yeah, right. It is a hand-me-down old-school model. Don't steal the kids toys. I am off. One kid down and we arrive at the doctor's with a few minutes to spare. No big deal, as we wait for half an hour to get in to see her. Luckily my "sick" child entertains everyone in the waiting room with her stuffies and hellos. Yeah, I really needed that emergency appointment. Paranoid Mommy moment? Nah, I am justified by another raging ear infection. Good times. We drop off her prescription, pick up money for windows, then pick up her prescription hoping to still find my house standing and maybe with new windows in place. The guys are still there. They are almost done. And you know what? The windows look great!

Sunshine walk

I needed some fresh air and sunshine.

So I went for a walk near my house.

It was still, but for a few companions

and evidence of others in days past.

I soaked it all in

with my senses admiring the world around me

scents, colours, sounds

Life in small steps

Sunshine on my Table

Sunshine on my table

I had a really nice visit with my folks last night. We stayed up too late and probably drank too much, but aren't suffering as much as we could have been. As is my wont, problems of the world were tackled. We don't necessarily solve them, but we bond and make our worlds better because of it. The rough mornings that sometimes follow late night ramblings are accepted as penance for over-imbibing, but I would not change them. A strong bond is forged in love and understanding. We make mistakes. We walk paths that are strewn with the debris of life's challenges. Together we hold hands and look at the path and make peace with the journey. We recognize that it is not always easy. Time gives insight. Family is there. Their role changes with time's passing. They will be family forever. Today their beauty is in friendship.

Grandma

   My kids are clean and fed. Flowers decorate my table. Stories are being told to hopefully sleepy kiddies. I am sitting sipping wine. In the kitchen. No hand in putting children to bed. Or truly in feeding them. Certainly didn't bath them.

I love my Mom! :)

Give me a break

   The spectre of that evil monster, that icky trickster, the dreaded and ever lurking COLD has struck again. Yes, a cold has descended upon our house. This is not new, as last weekend I was snuffling and snortelling. My kleenex box has not gone far from my side this week. In fact I have blown through a box or two in various rooms of my house. I even had a friend bring me some back-up packs when we went for coffee earlier in the week. Still, I soldier on. A little eucalyptus oil rubbed into the chest and perhaps a night cap to seal the deal. Good to go. My cold hasn't slowed me down. I can tick off book club, yoga, drum circle, shopping, swimming lessons, laundry and of course house cleaning to my list of activities of the week.

   Now I sit in between loads of ever-present laundry, despairing of being stopped in my tracks. Yup, I drew the line. I can push me as much as I want, but I managed to infect the darling angels under my roof as well. Bad Mommy. That has been the chant around here the last few days from my eldest. "Bad Mommy! Bad Mommy!" has resonated off my flittering frame. She is lucky that my skin has thickened up over the last little while. Even if it is in jest (or perhaps not?), a short time ago this would have had me headed to the kleenex box, but not for the cold I suffer through this week. The tenderness and loving kindnesses I have allowed myself and accepted from others has changed my outlook. I might still have my days (I am a single parent of two under 5 years. Give me a break!), but I try to add more smiles than tears to their plates. So this morning I debated again whether I would pack myself and the girls into the van and head State-side to visit friends. I really wanted to visit, but had a confab with Brad and decided that it was probably better to let the girls have a low-key day. After their busy week, they needed some down-time too. Nothing like enjoying your own space and walking at your own pace versus plunking into the van for a 3-hour tour, trekking across the border and then racing after bigger kids all weekend. It takes enough out of us on a good day. We are not on our a-game, so why push it? So we are planning on pizza and movies tonight and are making up for it with a visit from grandma tomorrow. Hopefully good vibes will bring good germs back our way. And for now another load of laundry calls...