I can do it!

   Ok, I am loving blogging, but getting frustrated in trying to learn how to add new stuff! I saw some cool counters, but cannot make them work! Anyone help out there in blogger land?

   In another vein, I am thrilled to have had someone sign my recent addition of a guest book. Even more exciting was that it was the author of one of the books on my night stand! Neat! Super cool in my book. I have been excited about the fact that I have been doing well at writing in my blog on a regular basis and have got positive feedback from a few fronts. Thank you for all those encouraging me! It is a great feeling to have a voice and know that it is valued. I have dear friends and appreciate all the kind words shared. I feel I am a lucky soul to have that support. I know that some nights my words are loose and not worth much, but I still give myself a pat on the back for putting forth my effort. My NaNoWriMo winner friend is a source of inspiration at her perseverance. It keeps bringing me back. I find that some nights the words that flow are surprising and often wonderful. To me if no one else, but I have had smiles sent my way. I am learning that my own smiles and encouragement should be higher on the list of positive feedback too, but that is my own personal goal and struggle.

   So what is my goal and struggle for today? To be able to take the words that burble within me and set them to paper for a broader audience. Dare I say a book? Again my worst enemy shakes her head and tries to claim I cannot do it. "You do not have the perseverance!" she smirks. She shouts. I am trying not to listen, but finding it hard to give dedication. I had wonderful support today for this as a realistic goal. "Do it! Make it happen! Set a goal and timetable and it can and will become a reality". I really and truly want this to be a reality. It would just tickle me so much to be able to say I wrote a book. Another thing to sell it, but that is a challenge for another day. Today is to set aside time and WRITE. Yes.

 "Thursday you say?"
Bring it on. Let's give it a whirl...

domestic diva

The floor has been vacuumed
and it is time to go
late is the hour
and sleep dictates the show.

Drift off to ruffles
the dishwasher and dryer
domestic duties never end
their power is higher.

Dinner dances tomorrow
friends, fire and wine
beans never did get tended
but showtime will all be fine.

Another verse
instead of toilet swishes
counter swipes and mop drops.
Anon, time for sweet dream wishes.

Good Night

Recovering

   Perhaps all the low energy flowing flowing out of my virtual pen finally caught up with me. While desperately trying to mend my children's woes this week, I must have forgot my own. I opened the door and in swooped illness to knock me off my feet and away from a looked forward to weekend with a friend.  I will live, but not get much needed hugs. Ah well. I rested and was taken care of by my children and reminded to lie still and watch the world go by. I leave this brief this evening. Good night

Positive? hugs

   How do you manage to stay positive? I visit beautiful places like GardenMama and see a steadfast belief in the human spirit. I admire it. I wonder if there is always such kind thoughts in the author's mind or if she ever slips. I have had a busy week. I have done well and racked up loving kindness points in tending to sick children. Leaving the doctor's office today though the spectre of Children's Aid loomed in my mind. I wondered if it was somehow my fault that R hurt her arm. It seemed that it was such a faraway voice that reminded me that I was not even in the room when she fell. That alone caused twinges of guilt "Could I have prevented it if she had been in my sight?" I cannot be there for them all of the time. It is physically impossible and the thought of it just sets me up for failure. It seemed such a familiar pattern though to blame me for the ills of the week. Could I have done better?  Maybe. Perhaps.

   By Fridays end T and R are abed, sleep inching through their consciousness. R has no visual effects from her ordeal and would probably be far stretched to even think of her doctor visits as an ordeal. T's sick day on Wednesday provided her with interesting stories to tell her friends at nap-time, not demons to plague her. They both gave me hugs and kisses as I tucked them under their sheets. I reminded them that Daddy is with them always and the proof is that they exist. He is a part of them and all they have to do is hug one another to feel his arms around them. Beautiful thoughts. T also offered the smiling thoughts that I was there too and I carried Daddy too. I do. Beautiful girl. Beautiful man. They are my positive I guess. Just reach out for my hug and recieve my soul song. Thank you baby.

Lost love

Darn it all, but it is sometimes easier to live in the past. I just finished reading a book by Dr. Bernie Seigel and it even suggested to not fall back into old relationships to hold back loneliness. Or was that my Fairy Cards? Regardless, the thought was put forth from somewhere out there that going back to old relationships might leave me renewed with fresh life, but ultimately the reason behind the breakup/down just might rear its ugly head again. I sense the truth in that. I am tempted by promised smiles, touches and love. Something out there has heard my heart wavering and is dragging temptation away. My head tells me this is a good thing. A heartsmile fades. Goodbye again J. Maybe next life. Thank you for your from afar. It needs to stay afar. The fates have spoken.