Glory days of Fall

As you may be able to guess from my last post, I have been keeping busy the last little while with some canning. I am absolutely tickled by my activities in the kitchen. Today I made strawberry jam. It was made from berries picked yesterday by my children, niece, sister and me. I also have salsa bubbling on the stove as we speak, again from tomatoes selected from the field by myself. Last week, my endeavours were pickled beets and dill pickles. I had never made either, so we shall find out in a few months how my first attempt at pickling went. It is all a very earthy and satisfying process that I am glorying in.

And to top it all off, I have laundry blowing on the line. I am so crunchy granola it is silly. I love it!

Loving Kindness

I suppose that some day my sensitive edge will be worn down a little. I am not always sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Sad movies, sensitive comments and poignant recollections can all bring me to tears or at least the brink of. I think that is just who I am.

Today I was praised for my efforts to help another soul at a time when they have need. I am doing some gardening for a woman who is dying of lymphoma. I reflected on where this woman and her husband are in their life and how it felt when I was there (tears in memory and the back of my throat). Nothing can change where she is, but sometimes kindnesses can make it better. I have been shown kindnesses from extraordinary and surprising people. Giving to Michelle in some ways is giving back to me. While in my weekly yoga class, I was reminded to be kind to myself, as well as others in our world. While a general thought put out there in class, I felt like it could have been directed solely at myself. I have a hard time being kind to myself, but am trying to work on that. First step is recognition that I am harder on myself than I deserve.

I was also touched by an old friend's step out of her comfort bounds (feeling like it had a teensy wee bit to do with me). Life hands everyone challenges. I do not have the hardest or saddest story out there. We all have our stories to tell and crosses to bear. Do I truly know this? For a long time after Brad died, I honestly did not care about other people's miseries and trials. I have been told that is typical of grief and normal. In beating myself up and challenging my confidences, am I just fooling myself that I have that saddest, worst story to tell? Poor me? I want to let it go, but that is the cross I have chosen to bear at present. If others can see my worthiness and strengths, perhaps some day the shackles of my biggest enemy, mine own self, will fall off and be set free. Perhaps I do not need to share these deepest darkest demons, but I know we all have our demons. I believe that speaking them and exposing them takes some of their ultimate power away. At least that is a hope and faith that I carry.

Sunny days

I had the generous pleasure of working in someone's garden today. I have been given the opportunity to take someone's personal space that they love and make it a little better. The woman is very ill and is allowing me to putter in her corner of the world. She has a beautiful garden and I get to freshen it up. It makes the earth smile, her and her husband smile and myself smile right back. It feels wonderful and the smile that it put on my face was reflected back at me from several other people over the rest of the day. I thrive on those smiles and hugs. They mean as much from strangers as from old friends and they all equate to a better world. Hopefully tomorrow someone will share a smile with me that will shine through the rest of my day. Maybe my own genuine smile will brighten someone else's day and that will touch you too ...

Trying to go through life looking for new meaning is just plain old hard work. I get up in the morning and think "Maybe today is the day that inspiration will reach out and hand me a new life path to tread on". I keep hoping that divine inspiration will find me and graciously lead me to where I ought to be. I tentatively peek through newspapers and in new web sites I come across. It has happened in the past. Maybe it will happen again.

Or maybe I will have to sit down and work at it. Perhaps I will actually have to contact a career counsellor and figure out the path in front of me. I might have to actually dig the path and pave it with more than just wishes and dreams. Watch out resume! I might just brush you off and creak open the closet to find work apparel. Anyone need a helper? I can garden, and run errands, and am flexible ...

I have an idea in my head that has been rolling around since the spring. It seems to be finding a bit of a footing in my world and I am rather excited by it. I would love feedback from anyone. Interested parties in receiving my administrations please apply. Let's spin the karma wheel and hold on tight ....

Green Hands Helping

We all carry challenges in our life. Some are given tasks of injury, disability or disease. There is a physical aspect to these challenges, but they also incorporate a mental and emotional struggle. I have had my emotional stresses and continue to work through them on a daily basis. The ordeal that I have struggled with was to find a means to survive my grief process and find meaning in living life again. We all have our stories to tell.

One of the places that has brought me peace has been my garden. Connecting with the Earth has calmed me and helped me to see life through kinder eyes. I can create beauty and foster life and growth. That has been the challenge for my personal self. I try to see my growth through the love I offer to Mother Nature. It is a good energy and good meditation for me. I can be one on one with myself and be happy with myself. It is a gift given and received warmly.

When challenges come upon us, life takes on a different nature. We multi-task and prioritize what needs to be taken care of and what can be let go. Sometimes in the stress of the moment, we have to let go of things we care about. While it may offer something to us, it just does not fit into the priority list. I have lived through the stress of disease and know that survival is the key goal. Life takes on a different tone and we do what we can to survive.

I want to offer my services in your time of stress. Cancer has left its mark on me and I heal myself through working in the earth, through helping in the garden. I love my garden. I know the pain of letting go of parts of oneself due to circumstances beyond your control. I want to offer a little of your old normal back and some beauty back, where stress has left its strain. Let me trim, prune, weed and dig, so that you can have time to stop and smell the roses. So that you can stop and see the roses. The ugly weed of cancer in your heart and disarray in your garden do not have to be. Let me help you and in turn help me.