Saturday's Email of the Week: Need a Giggle

Saturday's Email of the Week

I have been out of the loop this week. It started off me trying to play catch up after being gone for most of last week camping. We had a blast, but it was right back into the swing of things on Monday and trying to get ahead. Thankfully Monday was a good writing day, as Tuesday I started to sneeze. By Wednesday my throat hurt and I went to bed early, only to be like the walking dead sweating and dripping and scrambling for a thermometer. The floor was the only cool place to be, but lying there I just felt too exposed. From whom? No one, but I worried that my children would stumble over me on the way to the bathroom and be worried that I was lying in the hallway. Yeah, it was bad. I managed to fumble back to bed and pretty much stayed there for two days. I was weak, sore and had a metallic taste in my mouth, that today I finally noticed equated to my tongue being gray. Yuck.

With help from a friend delivering tylenol and taking my children to daycare, I managed to sleep most of the rest of Friday away. By the time they came home at 5pm, I was able to finally stand for 5 minutes again. Hooray! I even read stories at bedtime, which I didn't have the throat to do, even if I could have kept my eyes open for long enough. Victory is mine. Well, maybe not victory, as I am still pretty limp, but I will survive.

So I apologize for not being around much the last few weeks. I need a little humour to make me feel more a'rights, so hope you enjoy these dandies from my inbox this week. Feel free to send me anything that you think I might enjoy or want to share on my email of the week. Happy Saturday!



To make this story more relevant, please feel free to substitute
"Florida" or "Georgia" for "Texas"!

Dear Diary,


Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've
finally found my home. I love it here.


June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.


June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.


July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.


July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.


July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water
balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my
lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes
again.


July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts.


July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house
and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever
come here?


Aug. 4th:
Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.


Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!


Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on
the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to
the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my
legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and
baked cat.


Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn
months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next,
so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the
cactus can't live in this damn heat.


Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot
to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for
you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to
live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

recovering

The circle of life

spun close to the edge this week

I recover via couch

A Twist of Fate

Excitement got the best of us in the morning. There were no long snuggles for Neale and I, as we were in search of plane tickets today. Cairo waited for us and Israel beckoned to be explored as well. Cairo was just the tip of the ice berg. We could see the world, but today it started with a trip to the travel agent.

Actually, it started with a phone book - to figure out where to locate a travel agency. Once that was accomplished, Neale and I dressed and headed out. I felt like a giddy school girl arranging to skip class, but far too excited to stop and think about the consequences. We would fly to Cairo and explore from there. I had always wanted to see the pyramids of Giza and the Great Sphinx, as well as wander through the busy bazaars. It was coming to fruitition  and I could barely contain myself. We would be stepping onto a plane heading North in a matter of days, if not hours!

Across town, we sat in front of a pleasant looking young woman and explained to her that we wanted to go to Egypt. Ideally, we wanted to leave as soon as possible, but realistically, the cheapest ticket would dictate when we left. She poured through time tables and looked at price tags, then turned to us with a smile.

“Would tomorrow do?” she inquired.

“Oh yes,” was our response.

She started tapping in my particulars first. I pushed my passport across the desk and squeezed Neale’s hand. We would be headed for Cairo tomorrow! A measly six hour flight would touch us down in a whole new country, as well as a new hemisphere in Africa for me. It was over 4000 kilometers, and I had no idea how I would be able to get back to Cape Town (where my plane ticket back to Canada departed from), but here I was stating my name and birth date.  

Tap, tap, tap…

“And how would you like to pay?” she finally asked.

I dug for my credit card and pushed it across the desk to her. The tapping stopping, then she punched more numbers into the credit card machine.

“There appears to be a problem with your credit card,” the travel agent said as politely as she could.

What the…?

“What do you mean,” I asked.

She tried the numbers again, but shook her head. She handed me the machine, so that I could see the explanation.

“CONTACT CREDIT CARD COMPANY,” it read.

Oh, oh. This wasn't part of the plan. 

Step number two was to pick up the phone to see what was going on. The travel agent dialed the  phone number that was displayed on her machine, spoke to the representative, then handed me the phone. After a round of identification questions, a handful more questions, plus some of my own, the answer was presented to me – INSUFFICIENT FUNDS.

Our plans rapidly started to unravel. My credit card was at its limit. I could not use my debit card in Tanzania and I only had a $50 US traveller’s cheque left, as well as small amounts of currency from the last half dozen countries that I had been in. Essentially, I was broke.

Neale rallied to the cause. He pulled out his credit card and offered to pay for both our tickets. I knew that once I got a hold of my mother back home, I could sort out my finances and pay him back. That shouldn’t take too long, I reasoned. The money would be back in his pocket in no time.

Fate had other plans though. Our beleaguered travel agent shook her head once more and announced that Neale’s credit card had also been denied. We were both flat broke. We could not afford even one ticket to Cairo between the two of us, let alone tickets for both of us to go. After several more phone calls and other desperate measures, we dejectedly walked out of the travel agency empty handed. Our dreams of Cairo fizzled out miserably. We were not going anywhere.

Saturday's Email of the Week: Suggestion to Beat the Heat - Cucumbers

Saturday's Email of the Week

Well, this week I am out of town sweating away in a little tent with the girls. I am not writing from there, as we are without running water, electricity or many of the other luxuries that we are so accustomed to. No, I am close to the Tomato Capitol of Canada and near the southern-most tip of our great country. Yup, reporting to you from Wheatley Provincial Park today and headed to the beach again. 


But just because I am off goofing around making 'smores and sitting fireside, doesn't mean I won't share a little something with you from the old email inbox from this week. This interesting email was an informative little number all about cucumbers. Enjoy!


PS. If they are such a great way to rehydrate, we might have to stock up on them, as before we left for our camping holidays, heat alerts were being issued all across Southern Ontario. I foresee lots of beverages being drunk, cucumbers being eaten and plenty of water play at the beach.

WOW! 

WHAT A LITTLE GEM THE CUCUMBER IS.
I WILL LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY NOW.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need. Every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon? Put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a Cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that Quick pick-me-up that can last for Hours.

 3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a Cucumber slice along the mirror. It will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, Spa-like fragrance.

 4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few Slices in a small pie tin and your garden will Be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give Off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

 5. Looking for a Fast and easy way to remove cellulite before Going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or Two of cucumbers along your problem area for a Few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber Cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, Firming up the outer layer and reducing the Visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles Too!!!

 6. Want to avoid a hangover or Terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B Vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that Afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers Have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for Quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and You realize that you don't have enough time to Polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber Over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a Quick and durable shine that not only looks Great but also repels Water.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a Cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire Cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water. The chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber will react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown to reduce Stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

11. Just finish a Business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 Seconds to eliminate bad breath, the Phytochemicals will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel?Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but it won't leave streaks and won't harm You fingers or fingernails while you clean.

13. Using a Pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the Cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen Writing, also works great on crayons and markers That the kids have used to decorate the Walls!!

 Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer ways to Solve life's everyday Problems...

The Firefly's Dance

sparks of light flicker

fire on wings of summer's night

no music heard tonight