Performance Anxiety? Nah...

   So I have to share a little secret with you. I am a little bit stressed. Tomorrow evening I am hosting my book club's meeting. There are a few factors here that cause me angst. The first being that I have not finished the book yet (Yes, I know that I could be doing that now. Thank you for reminding me). The second is that with me hosting I should present a clean and tidy house. This never happens for more than 5 minutes at my house. Yesterday I vacuumed the entire upstairs world, with dusting attachment and everything. Within half and hour lunch occurred and the kitchen floor resumed it's normal state of existence; crumb covered. I live with this, as I know having two girls under the age of five necessitates a mess or two. Tomorrow though I have outsiders entering my abode. Some of the ladies have never been here before, therefore might want a toodle around. I do a great job of looking through things and not even seeing messes. Right now I cannot help but notice the masses of papers cluttering counters in my kitchen. Oh.

   "How do I deal with that?", I wonder to myself.

   So now I feel like I am up for inspection. Ack! I think this is where my anxieties step up to the plate. What will people think of me? I already fail in my eyes, as I cannot live up to my own expectations, let alone anyone else's. No. No, no, no! Stop! Put the brakes on the negative train. I have had enough. I will clean again tomorrow after the children go to daycare. I will do the best that I can and accept what does not happen. Many of the ladies have children and all have a job of some sort or another. I can do nothing but my best and if that means I ask them to walk through the kitchen with eyes cast down, so be it. So what! Will they judge me? Maybe. Maybe not. Does it matter? Not in the grand scheme of things.

   Realistically I do not think I am that worried, if I think about it. It is a sunny day. The girls and I went for a walk to enjoy some of the rays, which is much more important for them and me. We all thrilled to the melting snow and gloried in each other's company. Plus, I managed to put another coat of paint on the trunk that was started many moons ago. So I will close today with a few pics to celebrate the day.

I think that these smiles are worth every bit of sniff I get over a less than perfect house...

Saturday Segways

   I have just come across  from my writing course. I am taking a digital  writing course that offers suggestions as to how to promote myself in the digital age. It is an online course with approximately 15 people in the class. This week has been my workshop week. I submitted an early section  from a biography piece I am working on about my cancer journey with Brad. I debated whether I should use this piece, but thought that if I hope to have my words go further into the ethers at any stage, this might be a good forum to introduce it. As I noted to a classmate that gave me comment, they are anonymous for the most part, as I shall probably not meet any of them.  I can read their comments and either take them or run from them as I see fit. They do not have to worry about offending someone that they have vested interest in. I hoped that would elicit honesty. While it is a heavy subject that people have noted and are somewhat leery of cutting apart, I think that I was correct in my assumptions. I have had some good points offered, that has led to some editing. I even offered the same section, plus more to a friend for some critiquing. Before now all these thousands of words have just been mine to play around with. I am beginning the process of changing that. I think that my positive comments from my African tale have helped with that. Thank you to all of you readers out in blog-land!

    While more thoughts could have puttered out there in regards to this, distraction has floundered the writing machine. Grandma and Grandpa have arrived with gifts in tow for two little girls. So alas, I must leave you my dear readers. Perhaps tomorrow I will remember if there was point in what I was about to say. I leave you with thank yous for giving me the confidence to be here every day. Be well. Sunshine wishes to you all.

Silence is Golden

Candlelight and roses set my table

As the day disappears outside my window

Romance perches in a vase for me

With a wine glass for one to enjoy

ardha chandrasana - Centre yourself. Forget about mice

   The postal carrier brought pleasant surprises to my world today. I rifled past bills, tax forms and donations requests and found two envelopes that contained special greetings. Not one, but two! Lucky enough to have crossed the thoughts of some special someone, but then lo and behold a second. Lovely! And surprises they were.

   The first was not actually that surprising. My daughter's birthday is next week, so a birthday card came in the mail for her. The special thing about it though was that a little extra was put in the envelope to put a smile on her face; stickers. The way to a five-year old's heart. The card was just perfect though, as it almost even looks like her. My little fairy angel  that I love with all my heart is going to be five. Sigh. How do you make time stand still? Some days I wonder and wish. She is growing up, regardless of anything I can do or say. I am happy, but ...

   The next item was much more of a surprise. I recognized the sender, but had no idea of the contents. When I opened the envelope I found this;

   Absolutely hilarious! I love yoga, as many of you know, and of course have kitties that wander through my world. So this special little treat put a smile on my face that was needed. I am going to wash a little girl in a moment, but spent the afternoon washing her car-seat. Yup, the plague is back. More mobile barfing. My favourite. NOT! She is recovering after sleeping half the afternoon away. The soon-to-be birthday girl got to escape to swimming lessons with friends and dinner for them was a restaurant. Sick kid and I dined on noodle soup. Oh well.

  So a big Thank You is shouted out to my friends who think of us today.  Now I am going to go and see what wonderful poses I can contort my feline companions into. Do you think they will stay still long enough to breathe them  into a full lotus? Here kitty, kitty, kitty

Where do all the animals belong?

  Surely you must have guessed by now that this is my story. These were my experiences from many years ago. I lived them then, but remember them now. A new tale to tell for you my readers. 

***** 

    My first taste of the darker underbelly of the Africa of my dreams slowly faded and was replaced by suburbia. Dry scrub gave way to shopping plazas and gated communities. Manicured lawns and familiar fast food restaurants set my vision on its head yet again. Surely lions and elephants did not graze  through KFC's parking lot? Would ostriches bury their heads beside a mall's receiving area? And one could not imagine vultures perched atop walls with broken glass embedded into them to discourage scavenging trespassers. Where was I? Barbed wire seemed to be everywhere. It's presence bespoke anger, mistrust and violence. I wondered how much anger I would encounter in this land that held a past checkered with racial intolerances buried so deep into it's psyche. While mild, I sensed these tensions in my new-found relatives. My uncle kept his opinion in check, perhaps knowing that I might find the ingrown racism distasteful. I sensed it and appreciated it. It was such a far cry from the multicultural world I had left mere hours ago. While I chided myself to think that there were no prejudices back home, I knew that they were not as outwardly apparent or severe as here. What would I find and how would I process the differences in act and thought that I would come across? I watched the world glide by my window. Home seemed like an eternity away.