rambling

Oh my, it is Wednesday and I have not written anything since Sunday! Corrie is putting me to shame ;) Just teasing Corrie! I am enjoying the process of blogging, whether I have many readers or not. I was daring and introduced my blog to my Mother, which she cautioned me about. I have let "friends" on facebook peruse my inner workings and have not fallen prey to all the ills in the world, although I am sure there is still time for that. I write about experiences from my day and thoughts from my head. It is therapeutic and I like it. I have surprised myself for sticking with it fairly faithfully as well. I started this blog in the spring in a halting manner, but have been fairly regular this fall. Pat on the back from me!

So what is new in my world? My poor kitty is sick and the vet is not quite sure what is wrong with her. She appears to be steadily draining my bank account, but I am okay with that to a certain extent. It is hard to deny health for a member of the family. This has caused me some stress this week, but I countered that with sonic drumming tonight and my weekly dinner with Nancy, David and Ella last night. I get to see my sister tomorrow for a quick visit. She is coming into town for a somber affair, but a good one. My Aunt renovated the courtyard at the high school in Dorchester with some of the funds from Meagan's trust fund. For those of you who are not in the know, my cousin Meagan died in a skiing accident about a year and a half ago. We have all been shaken up by it, but my Aunt (her Mother) put her energy into redoing the courtyard in Meagan's memory. The official dedication is tomorrow evening. My Mother and Step-Father will be in town as well, so it will be a bittersweet gathering. A beautiful legacy for a life lost too soon. Sigh...

And I also did some writing today. I kind of have this notion that one day a book will pour forth from me. When I can I sit down and write some of it down. I am not sure if I will ever see the end of it or if it will ever go to print, but it is a cathartic affair none the less. And now it is bed time, as we were up early this morning that got cancelled due to weather. Tomorrow may need some extra reserves in the emotional department though. Anon, goodnight

Sunny Days -FALL

Sunshine all weekend; how wonderful is that? We tried to take advantage of the good weather and soak up as much vitamin D as we could. We raked leaves and went for a walk on Friday, got pictures taken at Westminster Ponds on Saturday and went to Apple Land Station to frolic at the sand hill and pick the last of the apples today. I was very glad to have so much beautiful weather to appreciate after a crummy previous week. Perhaps our Indian Summer(What a funny phrase. Here's hoping the kids will sleep well for all the fresh air. Hopefully me too! Maybe my brain will be kind and leave me alone to sleep tonight. Fingers crossed. For all the joys, my brain still manages to churn when I go to bed. We all have our demons that plague us don't we?

Thank You

I want to offer thanks. Thanks to the sunshine and thanks to the trees. Thanks to the colourful leaves that litter my front lawn and the forest floors. Thanks to nap time and play time. Thanks to Laura for taking portraits for us today and thanks to the teenager who got our meal right at McDonalds afterwards. Thanks to my Mother, sister and neighbours for being there to listen when I need it. Thanks to Corrie for being there to read my thoughts when they spring forth from me. :)

And a big thank you to me for being here to enjoy it all...
Welcome Fall

In the moment

On a cool day like today, I did what felt right. I went shopping. I should have raked leaves in the front yard, as it is yard waste week and they have not been by yet, but that did not happen. Nope, I went shopping. I bought rump roast and raspberries, sand paper and metal paint, a cruet set and crystal condiment bowl, running shoes for R and a birthday present for Mc. Whew! There was more in my bags when I returned home, but I am sure that you do not care. I will probably not care when I read over this later. I had a good day though. I visited my new favourite farmer at the farmer's market downtown. I slowly perused the antique market on the edge of town. I subjected my self to a Walmart Superstore. It was all good. A simple day. In the moment, with brain shut off to other thoughts. What a good practice. Topped off with pizza and a movie. A glorious day!

Wednesday - Yoga for the soul

I went to do the last of my gardening for Michelle today. I really did not do too terribly much out in the garden, to be fair, but its immediate need was winding to a close. The frost in the air has signalled the end of active gardening for the season. The outside world tasks change to leaf raking, putting away of hoses and garden ornaments, planting spring bulbs and pulling up summer ones. My season of gardening is done.

It is a heavy feel. I made a difference for Michelle and offered what I could. She appreciated the help. It was a precious gift. So where do I go from here? I have been watching Murray and feeling for him in his waning days with the love of his life. Now she is gone. Now he is alone and must accept that so that he can move on to the next stage of his life. It is nowhere near as easy to do as the writing of it may suggest. While I was visiting with Murray I kept on saying "This is hard work." It is the hardest work one could ever imagine having to do. It is physically, emotionally, socially, and psychologically exhausting. Anyone who has ever touched loss in an intimate way would probably have more to add to this, but for those who haven't it is a start. I have to stop though. This is Murray's journey. Murray must make this trek on his own. I am giving him emotions through my experience and that does not do him justice or ultimately myself. I was reminded this afternoon that I still need to take care of me. At two years into the loss of my beloved husband and partner, I was told I am still fresh in my grief. I still have far to go. How can that be?

Life is quite the journey with many lessons to learn. My lesson today was that I do matter. I mattered to Michelle for a brief while, so that she could savour her garden one last time. I mattered to Murray, so that I could give him more time with Michelle and sharing of stories both good and bad. I matter to Randolph, who seems to think that I am a worthy person and is happy to see that I am beginning to believe it. I matter to my children, who run with smiles and screaming "Mommy!" with joy when I come to pick them up from daycare. I know that I could add many more to the list and it is a good thing. The last person I will add today though is a woman who used to attend yoga with me over a year ago. She was recovering from cancer treatments and was doing well, but had other health concerns at the time. She started into my class again today. After class she walked over to me and asked when we had seen each other last. I was reminded again of how I touch people as she shared that she had gone through another bout of cancer completely unrelated to the first. She more or less pushed and diagnosed some of it herself. She knew something was wrong with her and praised yoga and its ability to get oneself in touch with one's body as helping her to do this. Whether she believed in the benefits of yoga before, she overwhelming believes know. And she walked over to me and had to share her story with me. I know her, but only through once a week yoga from over a year ago. It touched me that she felt the need to share with me. I must mean something to her too. Not the world, but just a little piece of it. It makes me smile. It is good.