Saturday, December 3, 2011

Saturday's Email of the Week: Can the Funny Bone Cure the Common Cold?

Saturday's Email of the Week
It's Saturday and I am still sick. Just a cold mind you, but snotty as ever & its been almost a week now. I wouldn't mind so much, but with a lower than usual energy level the house has taken a toll. Confetti litters the living room floor, remnants from the snowflakes that now hang gaily on the window above. Counterspace is hitting max load in the kitchen, almost too much for this poor soul to bear. I don't even dare look at the kid's playroom.


But I shall ignore it all a little longer, as the girls head to roll and tumble the last of the morning away. I myself will see if I can sweat out the last of my germs while I am at it. And despite thinking that all the emails that I received this week were not worthy to share, upon second look there are a few nuggets in there that offer a smile or two. Actually there were three from a certain blogger friend of mine that all made me smile. She even got a spotlight on a community poetry blog that has been rocking the web as of late. The one that I am most interested in though, holds some links to a story that she promises will touch my heart. I can't wait! Plus there was a cute animated advent calendar from a distant aunt, a notice for a new writing contest (Canadians only!) that I am mulling over, updates from clients and a barrage of emails regarding Christmas drinks with my book club. What to choose though?

Well, this one from my aunt got a giggle. Hope you have a great weekend!

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane ... but only a high school diploma to fix one ... a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely.

After every flight ... UPS pilots fill out a form ... called a 'gripe sheet' ... which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems ... document their repairs on the form ... and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way ... UPS is the only major airline that has never ... ever ... had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK ... except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.


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