Tuesday, November 17, 2009

That darn positive angel is wrong tonight, but she won't leave me alone regardless

Sometimes such beautiful words and thoughts spring forth when I metaphorically put pen to paper. I do love my actual pen and paper, but my blog space has served up some interesting thoughts and reads as of late. Some nights, like tonight, I feel heavy of heart and not pleased with myself. Tonight my blues have no real clues. I had a day of uncertainty in self, feeling not good enough and making wrong decisions left and right. I see failings and incompetencies and wallow near the pool of tears I keep on hand for occasions such as these. Tomorrow may sprout rainbows and hugs and pats on the back, but I cannot let my backslides and inadequacies go. Is there comfort in allowing me to never be good enough? No. It just is. I allow me to be or not be what I wish I could be. I wish I were stronger, better, calmer, more. My guardian angel chastises me and reminds me that if I were listening to someone else I would not accept dismal thoughts or words, but point out positives hidden everywhere. The words are dull tonight. As am I. Worthy of  bed and not much else tonight. Perhaps tomorrow will offer refreshment and return a positive spin. Let it go. night

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