Wednesday Whirlwinds

I had a good day today. It was another mild, blissfully sunny November day. I dropped off the kids, grabbed a coffee and headed out to pick up a few things. I managed to spend a few dollars, but got a birthday present for my sister, a new bedspread  and mattress pad for the soon-to-be new bed for my eldest and some other bits and bobs. Fresh bread from the bakery served to fill my tummy with sandwich before attacking the floor that had challenged me for too long. Satisfaction at a clean floor helped me to sail along to yoga for an ohm good time. A bottle of wine picked up and hugs from the darlings continued the smiles, as did lighting of the BBQ for a late in the season steak dinner. All good.

So where did it all go wrong? All that positive energy I built up all day exploded when the milk hit the floor (my newly mopped floor!) followed by a plate full of juicy steak, potatoes and salad with salad dressing of course. The chair pillow was soaked. The wall was splattered. My beautiful clean floor had lasted for a scant few hours and I was livid. I hate mopping the floor, but when I do mop I find a serene beauty in it. It makes me blissfully happy to know that I have conquered the dirt, germs and stains. It never lasts though. The day the floor gets mopped is the day that mass food spillage is guaranteed to occur. Sighing and shaking my head are all I can muster now, but the kids got worse than that. I sometimes wonder where my anger comes from. How can I get so upset over spilled milk? Well, it was also working on the 45 minute mark of sitting at the table and I had been watching them eat for the better part of 20 with an empty plate in front of me. Both of their plates were still looking almost untouched. "Wasting food!" my brain screams at me. "My time and energy" my defeated soul moans. I yell and rant and lose the battle again. "Maybe I just won't make dinner any more!", I fume, knowing that is a ridiculous threat, but wishing that I could somehow convince them that the dinner wars are just not worth it. I am not the first parent to have these challenges and I know I will not be the last. I just wish I could be a little more graceful at making dinner flow pleasantly. We lit candles for goodness sake and had music playing! It should have been a good meal. I even served bread (probably the downfall there). Yeah, yeah, you lose Katherine, let it go.

I could not let it go though. Dinner crashed to its close and I re-mopped the floor. The dishes were put away from the dishwasher and refilled. I finished my wine without children, breathed for a moment and then jumped back into the ring. This time the battle was the play room. Why do I do this to myself?! Oh Lord, but the floor has not been seen for many a day/week. I entered the room and threw the gloves down. Television off. This was serious. I had been warning them this day was coming and today was the day. I figured I was in the right spirit for it, so sat down amidst the mayhem and began to sort. The kids brought me toys to sort into bins and I directed what was to go where. "Garbage. Your bedroom. Dress-up trunk. Garbage. garbage." Two hours. T asked me, "is it bedtime yet?" I looked at my watch to find it was already nine! Holy shamoley!! The mess was tamed though. The floor was discovered and it was good. T even thought it looked much better. I tried to vacuum after the girls were tucked into bed, but even it resisted me tonight. A broom finished the job. Unfortunately my dream of a tub tonight was shattered. Sigh. Alas, alack-a-day! The basement can be walked into though. The garbage has been put out. And now it is way high time for me to toss my weary cranky body into bed. I will live to fight another day, but hopefully tomorrow the fight will not be about food or a messy basement. Please

Monday wanes philosophic

Bed ways is right ways, but a comment to the world at large before sleep steals my soul.
   We all live in our own world. We have control over our world and no one else's. We may touch and influence those around us, but ultimately they are in control of their own destinies. Our children make their own minds up even as infants. We can offer and help shape, but no one can make up all the decisions. Even in acquiescing we make that decision. In that way we come at the world as individuals. No one has lived your life and you cannot live anyone else's. Your burdens are your own. If we reach out and ask for help and get nothing, that is all we can expect. If someone reaches out and offers a hand when we are fallen and dirty, this is a joy we can cherish. We might fall at something big or something little. Who is to say that my big is not really little or your little is truly huge. It is all relative. We can only view it through our own filter. Ultimately we can only live our own life, so what does it matter what the next person's burden is. We all have our burdens and they are own own to carry. Mine is mine and not anyone else's. It is as much as I can and need to carry. I do not need to worry that someone else's burden looks different than mine. We can help and offer to share. That is a beautiful thing, but it does not always happen. At times it should not happen either, as we only live one life and it is ours. It is yours alone. You walk side by side, not in each other's footsteps. If you are lucky enough to have someone to walk beside. Some days you may see no one, but you would be surprised that some days when it feels like you will never see a soul again an army of angels is there helping to carry the load. I can look at my darkest hours and see the angels. Some days they were subtle. Some days it was overwhelming. I share, but this is my experience. Mine alone that I cannot replicate or do over. I control me. Myself alone. That is enough. Enough for me. Enough for one night. Enough for anyone.

Bed shopping

   More sunshine and even a little warmth today. How wonderful! While we talked of going for a walk in the woods, we ended up spending the day mattress shopping. Who would have guessed that a 4 1/2 year old would be so picky? She has been sleeping on an old hand-me-down foam mattress that probably has the faint hint of old urine, but all the beautiful beds we bounced on today were "not the right one!" She is four and has the opinion of her Dad. Has to try every mattress in every store. None of them good enough for her. Of course until the very last store, that is. Perhaps it was the fear that no mattress would be bought, but she finally started to warm up to a few beds. All day I was hearing "too soft" and "not the one!", but finally lunch kicked in and decisions were made. Hurray, we found one! My credit card took the hit, but for a good cause to be sure. T will enjoy her new bed for many sleeps to come and have the joy of being kicked out whenever Grandma comes to visit. We even left behind a little puddle as painful payment  from the training three-year-old that gamely followed along from store to store all day. Poor R!
   Now all I have to do is finish putting the bed together before the bed arrives in a week's time. Only have to add the the hangers (and hope they are all even). The rails slide into the hangers, so that shouldn't be a problem. I am sure it will be a beautiful thing once it is all together. It will be a bed for a princess! Only 2 1/2 months from the time since we first spied her heart's desire at Aberfoyle. I work slow, but might finish this task! Perhaps tomorrow the sunshine will grace us again and we will enjoy it's warmth in the country. Fingers crossed.

 

Autumn rays

It is a beautiful sunny Friday, the first one of November. It could be the first sunny day of November too, if I thought long enough about it. I debate going outside to rake the last of the leaves, but my little darlings are sleeping soundly. I kind of want them to join me, but do not want to wake them. I was looking at the pictures we took from last weekend in the leaves and just love the outdoors this time of year. The sky has such a crisp colour. Whether it be set against the backdrop of blazing leaves or as it sits now bare branches, it is wonderful to soak up the fleeting sunshine. It just makes you want to smile. Soon enough snowflakes will rule our world, but for now the sunshine provides nourishment to the psyche. Perhaps I should wake the bears?

Random Things that Cross my World this Evening

Goose eggs and iced foreheads
Hallowe'en candy pumpkins slowly leaking sugar, drip, drip, drip into children's veins
vegetables shells with yummy shrimp (good thing, as bland sauce )
Dinner eaten - little insistent prompting (oh miracle!)
Plates scraped and put in dishwasher
quiet night to soak in TT
Books on nightstand
children's smiles
Playdates
empty wine glass
pajamas
Hugs