Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve.

A day to ponder the year past and a year yet to come. I have been planning a jaunt to my sister's for the night, but really have not thought too much about the "New Year" part of it. I usually will write up a summary of the year past in my journal, but the book has been sorely ill-used as of late. Poor thing has lost some of its glam to my BLOG pages. All good.

So where was I last year at this time? I was in a fledgling relationship, the first since Brad's death. It was exciting and nerve-wracking. The promise was there, but things were moving slow. Hmmm, what can I say about that one? This fledgling romance has sputtered and died, sputtered and reignited, sputtered and died again. I debate making a new year's resolution to let the thing just die already and be done with it, but leave it sit where it wants for now.

The year past saw me continue with renovations around the house. My basement was beautified and became a much more kid-friendly space. My emotional self hit an unexpected roller coaster ride. The spring had me grappling with who I was and what I had to offer to the world. The answers were coming up bleak at the time. The only remedy was a road trip. It took on epic proportions (well epic if you look through the eyes of four children aged 2, 4, 7 & 9). I expected to have massive epiphanies and peace-filling moments. It did not quite happen like that, but I did come home to a different space. Somehow, somewhere along the way I felt me and discovered that I liked me. I somehow found worth at the end of the summer. It may sound horrible, but I was shocked. To be fair, I was pleased. "I" deserved "me" time and life picked up smiles. I have found them twisted up in Yogic poses and lost in sonic drums. My book nook expanded and a gaggle of girls (women really) were slated into my monthly "me" outings.

Hmm, so what did I learn this year? What did I find? I think I found me. I found a new version of me that I quite like in fact. I am still working on filling in some holes and tweaking the self-confidence some more, but by year's end, my greatest success was shining up my halo and turning over my frown. Not too shabby. I didn't think there was much to 2009 at the beginning of this post, but I guess it wasn't half bad...

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