Monday wanes philosophic

Bed ways is right ways, but a comment to the world at large before sleep steals my soul.
   We all live in our own world. We have control over our world and no one else's. We may touch and influence those around us, but ultimately they are in control of their own destinies. Our children make their own minds up even as infants. We can offer and help shape, but no one can make up all the decisions. Even in acquiescing we make that decision. In that way we come at the world as individuals. No one has lived your life and you cannot live anyone else's. Your burdens are your own. If we reach out and ask for help and get nothing, that is all we can expect. If someone reaches out and offers a hand when we are fallen and dirty, this is a joy we can cherish. We might fall at something big or something little. Who is to say that my big is not really little or your little is truly huge. It is all relative. We can only view it through our own filter. Ultimately we can only live our own life, so what does it matter what the next person's burden is. We all have our burdens and they are own own to carry. Mine is mine and not anyone else's. It is as much as I can and need to carry. I do not need to worry that someone else's burden looks different than mine. We can help and offer to share. That is a beautiful thing, but it does not always happen. At times it should not happen either, as we only live one life and it is ours. It is yours alone. You walk side by side, not in each other's footsteps. If you are lucky enough to have someone to walk beside. Some days you may see no one, but you would be surprised that some days when it feels like you will never see a soul again an army of angels is there helping to carry the load. I can look at my darkest hours and see the angels. Some days they were subtle. Some days it was overwhelming. I share, but this is my experience. Mine alone that I cannot replicate or do over. I control me. Myself alone. That is enough. Enough for me. Enough for one night. Enough for anyone.

Bed shopping

   More sunshine and even a little warmth today. How wonderful! While we talked of going for a walk in the woods, we ended up spending the day mattress shopping. Who would have guessed that a 4 1/2 year old would be so picky? She has been sleeping on an old hand-me-down foam mattress that probably has the faint hint of old urine, but all the beautiful beds we bounced on today were "not the right one!" She is four and has the opinion of her Dad. Has to try every mattress in every store. None of them good enough for her. Of course until the very last store, that is. Perhaps it was the fear that no mattress would be bought, but she finally started to warm up to a few beds. All day I was hearing "too soft" and "not the one!", but finally lunch kicked in and decisions were made. Hurray, we found one! My credit card took the hit, but for a good cause to be sure. T will enjoy her new bed for many sleeps to come and have the joy of being kicked out whenever Grandma comes to visit. We even left behind a little puddle as painful payment  from the training three-year-old that gamely followed along from store to store all day. Poor R!
   Now all I have to do is finish putting the bed together before the bed arrives in a week's time. Only have to add the the hangers (and hope they are all even). The rails slide into the hangers, so that shouldn't be a problem. I am sure it will be a beautiful thing once it is all together. It will be a bed for a princess! Only 2 1/2 months from the time since we first spied her heart's desire at Aberfoyle. I work slow, but might finish this task! Perhaps tomorrow the sunshine will grace us again and we will enjoy it's warmth in the country. Fingers crossed.

 

Autumn rays

It is a beautiful sunny Friday, the first one of November. It could be the first sunny day of November too, if I thought long enough about it. I debate going outside to rake the last of the leaves, but my little darlings are sleeping soundly. I kind of want them to join me, but do not want to wake them. I was looking at the pictures we took from last weekend in the leaves and just love the outdoors this time of year. The sky has such a crisp colour. Whether it be set against the backdrop of blazing leaves or as it sits now bare branches, it is wonderful to soak up the fleeting sunshine. It just makes you want to smile. Soon enough snowflakes will rule our world, but for now the sunshine provides nourishment to the psyche. Perhaps I should wake the bears?

Random Things that Cross my World this Evening

Goose eggs and iced foreheads
Hallowe'en candy pumpkins slowly leaking sugar, drip, drip, drip into children's veins
vegetables shells with yummy shrimp (good thing, as bland sauce )
Dinner eaten - little insistent prompting (oh miracle!)
Plates scraped and put in dishwasher
quiet night to soak in TT
Books on nightstand
children's smiles
Playdates
empty wine glass
pajamas
Hugs

Hugs

The children are abed.
Quiet. Do they sleep?
Lovely, end of day desirous of me
Poor me that is pushed out
for Mommy reigns supreme. Always

My choice, but not this way.

How did I lose myself?
How do I fit me in beside Mommy?
Me is important.
Me makes Mommy a nicer person.
Me holds life in her hands. All life.
Forever life.
Mine and every path I cross.

smile.
Pass it on
Children laugh
Hugs stretch across generations
and heal the world.
My world.
all worlds