Advice for Lovers: Author Interview with Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek

Ah, sweet love. The wisp of tender passion is in the air, as Valentine's Day creeps ever closer. With its imminent approach, many people dwell on love and how to attract and/or keep it, I myself within that poignant crowd. What gentle fools we are...

As much as it would be nice to think it's as easy as an arrow into the heart from Cupid's deft bow, don't fool yourself. Love isn't quite as easy as that. Even Cupid has a harder time these days, despite us living in a time of avid "social" media. Ironic that in many ways, our social media use has actually left us even lonelier than we were before.

It doesn't have to be that way though and I am lucky enough to have a few love experts willing to share some tips on how to fall in love. I recently reviewed How to Fall in Love, and authors Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek have a few tips and advice for the singletons amongst us. Help me welcome Dalma and Richard to A New Day!

Fall in Love with Richard and Dalma

Richard Marek and Dalma Heyn

Being single in the digital age is hard work. There are dating apps to fill out, finding the perfect pics to show off your fun and quirky side, and then all those profiles to swipe through. And that’s just to hopefully get a date or two! How is anyone expected to find and nourish true love via 1” pixelated photos and brief blurbs that leave you feeling flat? Do you have any tips for the lovelorn in 2019? 

Being single IS hard work—much like an audition for a part you don’t even know you want but nevertheless have to keep returning to for call-backs. The “perfect pics” to show off your “fun and quirky side”—plus all other attempts to present the “you” you want a potential date to “get” at first glance—it’s exhausting.

In all the years I’ve written dating columns, I’ve just one serious piece of advice—and it’s mostly for women. (A man seems able simply to be ambulatory and under age 80, and not a serial killer to be considered a good date.)  But women are caught in the age-old “I’m the perfect woman” trap. Here’s how to get out of it: YOU are looking for someone, and that fact is more important than presenting yourself to be looked at. Think of it as looking out of your eyes, not looking at yourself through the culture’s. By that I mean, do not try to please this mysterious group of dates out there—instead be clear about what pleases YOU. This little switch sounds easier than it is. I’ve spoken with some women who aren’t sure what they want and so naturally fall back on ways to be wanted. But focusing on YOUR desires will go far to make filling out these dating apps more of a pleasure than a drag.

Excellent Advice! Knowing yourself is half the challenge when looking for a new mate. What do you really want in a partner? Do some soul-searching first before expecting someone to fit a role which you don't even know the parameters.

Okay, so say we’ve been out on a date or two. Fantastic, but how do we take it to the next level? 

Going from a first or second date to “the next level,” as you put it, is more a matter of intuition. If you’re both feeling good about seeing each other, and are both shy, it just takes a nudge—in words and In person. Before you leave your last date, you say, “This is fun. I hope we can do it again.”  Responsive but not too eager, and hardly requiring much of an attention span.  Your date’s response will either be, “Yeah, let’s go for pizza at that new place on Saturday, okay?” Or it won’t elicit more than a grunt. Either way, you’re ahead. It’s either moving forward or you’re moving on.  

PS: It may take a lot of these deadly attempts at connection, but, as my mother used to say, it only takes two minutes to meet someone and know it’s right. So you have to plow through.

It makes sense that it takes work to find someone you truly connect with. Not everyone is a perfect match to you, but there is someone out there for everyone. Keep looking! And once you find them, keeping working to grow that love every day. 

One of those ways is with a simple note sharing your heart's desires—a love letter. Are love letters still valid and valued today? Do you have tips Dalma and Richard on how readers can create the perfect love letter for their beloved? Or even win your 2019 Love Letter contest!

Love letters are more valid, and more valued, than ever. Attention spans may have hit rock bottom, but that doesn’t mean a quick “Love ya! ” is going to catch anyone’s attention, short as it may be, unless you’re speaking to your dog-walker. Just as desire needs space, time, and room to breathe in order to expand into love, so do words between lovers need space, time, room and thought in order to express love. Part of the joy of sending AND receiving a love letter is that it does take time. Precious time devoted to revealing a precious emotion—one that no little heart-faced emoji can possibly express. 

All letters are valid and valued—when was the last time your received a thank-you note via snail-mail? An apology, written out with care and heartfelt concern for reparation? A letter can say, and mean, everything. And a love letter, of course, means more than anything.

You seem to know a lot about love letters and what should go into them. Is there anything that star-crossed lovers should steer clear of when expressing their undying love to their sweetheart? What are some love letter don’ts?

We could give you a list of don’ts for business letters, personal letters, apology letters….but we have no such list for love letters. Unlike the former, which require certain formats and sign-offs; proper margins and good grammar and correct placement of addresses and dates, the love letter is totally without rules.  It’s as free an expression of an overwhelming feeling that you’ll ever have, an emotion that simply must be expressed.  Your way. It’s YOUR expression, in YOUR voice, with YOUR wit and soulfulness and charm.  You love this person and can’t bear holding in your feelings one more moment., grammar, punctuation, be damned. All that’s required is that it be pure; it mustn’t have any other agenda than to express your love. Our sense of how we’ll judge the letters is simply that we feel what the writer feels!

Hear that readers? You don't need a Masters degree in Love OR University level English to express what your heart feels. Just let those heartfelt emotions flow!

I recently read ‘How to Fall in Love’, co-authored by you both. Did collaborating on this novel bring you closer together? What inspired you to write a love story orchestrated by Cupid, but bungled through by two unlikely characters – Eve, a former ballet star cum maple sugar bush owner, and Evan, an anthologist and car enthusiast? Are the lessons they learned along the way important for anyone contemplating love?

We were inspired to write the book by just what you so wisely point out in question 1: That everyone is overwhelmed with dating apps, texting, sexting, tagging on Facebook, getting the right makeup highlighter for Instagram…..that we wondered how two people not seriously wired got together.  And since we wanted our question to be presented in a light-hearted way, we thought of the old-fashioned idea of Cupid—how his arrow, when it hit, engendered love in one person.  And the rest just flowed. 

Richard is an editor, so an anthologist was a fun way to present an editor, and I know a bit about dancers. We both know a lot about second chances, and the difficulties of making love happen when two lives are so different from each other’s. It was a great collaboration and we had so much fun!

What about you Dalma and Richard? How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship? Any tips on those struggling to find or keep love vibrant and meaningful in their lives?

We have been blessed with a kind of ease between us; we don’t “work” on our relationship as much as we keep in touch about what we’re feeling.  When trust builds over the years, so does empathy for one’s partner.  Even when we’re furious at each other, we can each feel, somehow, what the other is going through, and find ourselves letting it go faster than we did when we were younger and had to make our points really clear.

Thank you so much for speaking with me Richard and Dalma. I appreciate all your advice and inspiration on love and keeping passion alive and well in today's fickle digital age. We need to slow down and take the time to know ourselves and others better if we are to keep our connections strong. Your enthusiasm for reaching that level of connectedness is heartening.

If you want to connect with Dalma and Richard, you can find them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and on their website. Don't forget to take a look at their love letter contest. You can win a rose gold Tiffany Paloma Picasso love ring, plus a hand-written, framed copy of your love letter. 

Happy Valentine's week my friends. May love find you and keep you in a special place, even if it's just falling in love with yourself all over again. 

❤️❤️❤️

ABOUT AUTHORS DALMA HEYN & RICHARD MAREK:

Husband and wife team Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are the authors of  How to Fall in Love , a provocative love story for the digital age. Heyn is the author of the New York Times best-seller The Erotic Silence of the American Wife, Marriage Shock and Drama Kings. Her books, published in 35 countries, have been best-sellers both here and abroad. Richard Marek is one of the most accomplished book editors and publishers of his generation, working with writers James Baldwin, Thomas Harris, and Robert Ludlum, among many others. He is the author of Works of Genius and has ghostwritten a number of best-sellers.

How to Fall in Love

How to Fall in Love by Dalma Heyn & Richard Marek, © 2018, The Story Plant

Valentine's Day is coming up fast. That leads some to think about love and how to attain it. In today's digital age though, many have become jaded on Cupid's domain. We've all got baggage and sometimes it seems too much to make us viable in today's shallow dating pool. But Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek are betting otherwise with their new novel set to be released this week.

Cupid is in trouble with the big guy. Jove figures the world doesn't need help from Eros, what with the vast majority of people dialing into Tinder hookups, sexting, and love in the dot com age. Nobody looks to Cupid anymore, so it's time for him to go.

Of course Cupid, isn't convinced and gambles that he can prove that real love still exists. He just needs a likely couple to prove it, and a bit of time. Enter Evan Cameron—anthologist and car enthusiast—and Eve Golyakovsky—prima ballerina, cum maple sugar bush owner. An unlikely couple who happen to live on opposite sides of the US. Jove gives Cupid seven months; no magic, potions, nor tricks. Love must be won on its own merit, with only the slightest manipulations from the love god. Heaven help all those who dream of romance in their future!

While Cupid flits in and out of the story, the bulk of the novel is all about Evan and Eve. Like so many of us, they have both been in previous relationships with mixed acclaim. Neither one found overwhelming love. Both thought it was their fault. But Heyn and Marek manipulate us to believe that maybe there is that special someone out there for everyone. A special someone who might not be perfect in all ways, but once you find them, is willing to move heaven and earth to be a part of your life.

How do you fall in love? Sometimes fate intervenes on occasion, but we need to open to it. While the novel follows the ups and downs of Eve and Evan's personal uncertainties and previous preconceived notions, ultimately, it asks us to be honest with ourselves. You don't have to be perfect to fall in love, but you have to be willing to make time and space for someone in your life. And that includes face-time. If we are to learn anything from this simple love story, it's that texts, emails, and even phone calls can be imperfect modes for communication. If you dare to give love a chance, do it one on one and with your whole heart.

So to hopefuls and romantics out there, good luck finding and keeping love. And good luck to Dalma and Richard with their new novel, which you can find on Amazon.

The Haunting of Henderson Close

The Haunting of Henderson Close by Catherine Cavendish, © 2018, Flame Tree Press

I am not usually swayed by horror. As a child, I was invariably under a blanket during the scariest parts of any horror movie my sister forced me to watch. They scared me silly. Truth be told, I am still a wimp when it comes to horror today.

From a young age though, I became an avid reader. And despite steering clear of horror films, I went through a phase where I read almost every book in our school library on ghosts, UFOs, supernatural occurrences, and other creepy titles. While they aren't a mainstay of my reading anymore, when I had a request to review 'The Haunting of Henderson Close' by Catherine Cavendish, I couldn't resist a good ghost story. And I am glad I did.

The newly released 'The Haunting of Henderson Close' is set in Edinburgh. The story takes place in present day, but frequently dips back in time to 1891—a period of heavy crime, poverty, and general filth in Victorian-era Henderson Close. The pivotal moment in the past is when Miss Carmichael, a kindly, humanitarian woman trying to bring up the lot in life of some of the Close's worst families, is brutally murdered. Her death shakes the community then, but reverberates through history to 2018 where Hannah picks up her tale.

After years of the dregs of society habituating Henderson Close, Edinburgh buried its past. New buildings were erected over the site, but a popular tourist attraction hid underneath, luring tourists with creepy ghost stories and tales of murder. After fleeing a failed marriage, Hannah finds herself attracted to a job as a period-costumed tour guide in Henderson Close, but the ghost stories she tells fall far too close for comfort. Before long, Hannah is swept up in the evil that still lurks in the Close and is bubbling to the surface once more. She, with the help of co-workers George and Mairead, must work fast to prevent the Auld De'il from creeping back into present day Edinburgh. But what will it take? And who, or what, else can be called on to help?

Like I mentioned before, horror makes me cringe and this book brought on a few goosebumps as I read it. The story immediately drew me in and I flew through the 233 pages in a day. If you like a good ghost story, this easy read by Cavendish is just the thing. Thank you to Smith Publicity and Flame Tree Press for an advanced reading copy!

The Secret Life of Mrs. London

The Secret Life of Mrs. London, by Rebecca Rosenberg, © 2018, Lake Union Publishing

Step back in time to the rumblings of the Great War. Europe is preparing for battle and America is watching on, at odds with whether they should join in or leave well enough alone. Many people loudly voiced their opinions, including famous writer Jack London. It was one of the qualities that initially attracted Charmian Kittredge, who later became his second wife.

While Charmian and Jack London were great intellectual equals, Jack took the spotlight in their relationship. Where Charmian was his typist and editor, Jack was the grandiloquent orator and prolific writer. Charmian charmed those she met, but Jack took life to the extreme; drinking, travelling, championing socialism, and womanizing. It was a challenge to fall in his shadow, but Charmian was no shrinking violet. So it should be of no surprise that when she met another powerful man of the era, she was drawn in by his magnetism as well. And who could resist the magical airs of none other than Harry Houdini?

Rebecca Rosenberg weaves a magical tale in this debut novel. Based on true events, she artfully fashions the story as historical fiction, painting a love triangle between Charmian, Jack London, and Harry Houdini. We see a different side to these public figures, as seen through Charmian's eyes and it is hard not to sympathize with her plight. I personally loved the peek under the covers that she offers readers and flew through the book's pages. Despite all of the characters' indiscretions, it is hard not to understand where their motives came from.

Rebecca Rosenberg

Ultimately though, this work is a body of fiction created by Rebecca. Since I had the pleasure to review her book, I thought it might be nice to ask a few more questions about it and learn more about her knowledge of Harry, Jack, and Charmian.

Let's chat with Rebecca!

1. Jack London had several affairs throughout his life, beginning with Charmian herself when he was married to his first wife. Why do you think Charmian accepted his affairs, but he couldn’t let go of her indiscretions?

Rebecca - We have to remember the Londons lived in the early 1900’s when things were very different than they are today. Women did not have the vote. All of a woman’s possessions were owned by her husband. Yet, the Londons were Bohemians and philosophers who believed in exploring the possibilities of life and passion. They read Jung, Freud, and other philosophers of the day and often discussed and argued big issues of fidelity, the value of life, the meaning of the universe. In THE SECRET LIFE OF MRS. LONDON, Jack London writes several novels about LOVE TRIANGLES, including LITTLE LADY OF THE BIG HOUSE, HEARTS OF THREE, MARTIN EDEN. London toys with Charmian in order to experience (or imagine) the feelings of his characters. As the London’s pushed these boundaries of fidelity, they experienced jealousy, which brought them back together, more in love than ever.

2. Both Charmian London and Harry Houdini were supposedly happily married but ended up having an affair with each other. Why do you think they were drawn to each other in the first place?

Rebecca - The mystery of why Charmian London and Harry Houdini would have an affair, when they clearly adored their spouses was the impetus of the novel! The answer to this question would spoil the novel in a few ways, let me just say there are very real reasons the affair happened, and I hope readers will understand that when they read it! Jack London and Houdini had their similarities and differences. Both were driven geniuses, and pushed human existence to its limits. But Jack drank and smoked with a passion and battled with depression. Houdini was an expert swimmer, runner, weight-lifter for his daring escapes. He never smoked or drank. I think Charmian was attracted to Houdini for some of the same reasons as she was Jack, but Houdini had a cool aloofness that could have been a relief after Jack’s intensity.

3. Charmian was an aspiring writer herself. While Jack tried to get her published, it was only with his insistence that her novel finally received publication from his publisher. Considering she was Jack’s muse, typist, and editor, do you think her writing should have stood on its own recognizance or is it fair that it was only published because she was Jack’s wife?

Rebecca - Jack London’s publisher was MacMillan, and he was their best selling author, so they would naturally look at Charmian London’s books, especially since they were biographies of their lives. I think her books, Hawaii and Log of the Snark are fascinating about their travels in the early 1900’s through the South Sea Islands and Australia, encountering Lepers, Headhunters and cannibals. Yes, I think they could have stood on their own, but given Jack London was the most famous, well paid author, the books served a double purpose of giving the public a glimpse into the London’s adventurous life.

4. Where Jack London and Harry Houdini’s lives are both well known, Charmian is barely a footnote in their stories. Why did you choose to make her your main protagonist? What attracted you to her story in the first place

Rebecca - First and foremost, I feel that Jack London could not have written 50 books in 15 years without the talented Charmian Kittredge.

She was truly a woman ahead of her time. Charmian was college educated and worked as the assistant to the president of Mills College. She learned to type as a teenager and typed 150 words a minute. She was a champion horsewoman and concert pianist. She was an intelligent conversationalist, and consummate hostess at Beauty Ranch. She managed Jack’s moods and kept him writing one thousand words a day, no matter how he felt or what else was happening. She typed up his stories as he told them to her, then edited them later, filling in characters and description. She was a huge part of why Jack London’s stories are still popular today. In fact, CALL OF THE WILD was just named top 50 best loved books of all time by PBS.

5. A major sticking point for Jack was when his beloved Wolf House burned down. Who do you think started the fire and why?

Rebecca - This is a spoiler alert, since I leave the question open for the reader to decide! According to Charmian London’s biography, JACK LONDON, “We never knew who torched Wolf House.” You can still see the haunting ruins of the 25,000 square foot log lodge at JACK LONDON PARK, in Glen Ellen, California, an hour north of San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. Much later, scientists have claimed the house was burned down from spontaneous combustion.

THE SECRET LIFE OF MRS. LONDON has been named as WIKI’S 12 MARVELOUS NOVELS OF THE 20^TH CENTURY. https://wiki.ezvid.com/m/kNkCn2l8yxVIl

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Thank you so much to Rebecca Rosenberg for sharing a little more about her debut novel The Secret Life of Mrs. London! Add it to your Christmas wish list this year.

Where Dragonwoofs Sleep and the Fading Creeps

Where Dragonwoofs Sleep and the Fading Creeps, by A.J. Massey, © 2018, Independently Published

Being 13 is hard. You have to deal with self confidence issues, bullying, and the determination to reach your goals—even if that goal is only to ask the cute girl in your World History class if she'll go to the school dance with you.

Ben has bigger issues than if Taylor will go to the dance with him though. Every time he closes his eyes, he ends up in Meridia; a mythical land that is slowly being eaten away by the Fading. It is up to him to stop it, plus fellow dreaming 13-year-olds Avery and Marcus, not to mention a translucent elf named Tam, and three dragonwoofs. With a dose of magic, a dollop of courage, and the strength to work together when it matters most, these characters battle evil generals and the quickly encroaching Fading to save this fantasy land, plus grow into the confident young adults they aspire to become.

Does the story sound familiar? Fans of The Neverending Story and Labyrinth might think so. It should come as no surprise then that as a child, Massey was influenced by 80s fantasy movies like those, plus other epic coming of age tales. The dream-like qualities in the book mirror those tales, but also serve to inspire a new generation of heroes. Heroes that also battle self doubt and poor self esteem, but find the fortitude to work together for the good of others. Will it be enough though?

There are goblins afoot, scorching suns, and plenty of monsters intent on murder within the pages of Massey's debut novel. Young teens with a taste for adventure will cheer along with Ben, Marcus, and Avery as they traipse across Meridia. You just might find yourself enchanted too. And decide that you need your own dragonwoof to help make the world a better and safer place for all.