Ah, I finally sit. What a whirlwind day. It is not done yet of course, but much got accomplished in the hours past thus far. A new camera was purchased for me, so hopefully a few new pics will grace my blog! Oh and of course I will get to snap some new pics of my babies. Just in time for the New Year! I took care of our kitties by making sure their tummies are always full. Hungry tummies make for grumpiness, be they mine or the cats', so more food it is! To slap a morning face on, a stop at the coffee shop to pick up some java was in order as well. All this was done while my girls played for a few hours at daycare. Run, run, run! They rejoined me for a trip to the dentist. "Look Mom. NO cavities!" We all got a polish and are sporting shiny pearly whites this aft. Just in time for a play-date/sleep over party for my eldest. A brief stop (1 1/2 hours! how did that happen?!) at the grocery store (looking for a DVD player in electronics) was snuck in before Victoria arrived. Now I just have to sit back and hope they all play nice and don't cause me too many gray hairs before they fall asleep tonight. I suspect there will be a few warnings before the girl's eyes finally close, but I am okay with that. They have not seen each other since June when we were on our road trip out West. Lots to catch up on, I'm sure. At almost 5 years old, they have been having sleepovers for almost three years! Crazy and beautiful. So I will pour myself a nightcap or maybe two this evening as the little ones giggle and whisper. In between stern looks and warnings I will smile and hope these memories stay with them, as they will for me. Have fun and play little ones...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Holiday pause
I have finally had a chance to read a few blogs that I have not had a chance to peruse over the hectic holidays. It is almost like not having time for dear friends or myself. I love getting together with family, but I have a kinship with the people that let me into their lives via a blog. The blogs I read inspire me to be creative, touch me in a spiritual manner, help me appreciate nature, bring forth the camaraderie of Motherhood and friendship. Blog-world has become a new friend in my life and I am happy when I get to see someone with a new post or new pictures to share or I discover someone new that makes me laugh. That kinship was unexpected when someone suggested writing a blog back in the spring. All I wanted was to write, perhaps make some money at it if I was lucky. Well, I have made no money, but I have found a voice. I rather enjoy the words that flow out of me. They are not always awe-inspiring, but I know that they do get read by the occasional person. That is kind of cool. I like it.
My thoughts originally were going to be about the sadness that people feel at this time of year. So many gather together and feast and frolic. When a face is missing around the table we have pause. Their presence is felt and missed. We certainly have a few seats missing around our festive feasts. No one can replace my Bradley that was in charge of "flipping the bird" at Leslie's and of course the carving of said bird afterwards. No offence Jamie, but you don't hold a candle to him in my books. I almost grabbed the knife myself, as I often feel Brad's presence within me, but I let it go and faded into another room. Brad's spirit lives on and he was seen in my mind's eye in all the spaces where I had seen him before. You are not forgotten Brad and never will be.
My cousin was also active in thoughts at her second Christmas visiting in spirit, but not body. I slept in her room and had her smiling face looking over me and filling my dreams. Her parents still have tears in their eyes, but at the back of them if you look. It is hard to not see the cherished ones that we love and will love forever. They are still at our elbows and in our hearts. I left a small bottle of rye for my hubby and told him to "rip it up and give em hell" on Christmas Eve. I can smile at him now, but feel for the friends that I have that are going through their first Christmas without their significant others. A coffee date a few days before Christmas with a friend that lost his common-law wife a few months ago reminded me to be kind over the holidays. Life is precious and brief. His eyes still hold disbelief of what his life looks like and feels like. It is not right or fair, but it is what is meant to be for whatever reason. Peace will come eventually, but it takes time, patience and love.
My tears came when I had the pleasure to see a friend in town for the holidays. The holidays always speed up into a chaotic whirlwind. I was able to meet my girlfriend for dinner and a movie and was thrilled to see her smiling face. We openly held hands and embraced constantly. She is a dear friend that touched my soul with her unquestioning love and the support she offered while my husband was sick and dying. She can laugh and be crude one moment and drop everything to hold my hand so I can cry the next. When she moved away after my husband died I was devastated and mourn her loss still. She is a pure soul. I held her with tears streaming down my checks as we parted in the parking lot of a movie theatre. She is still alive and still a friend, but our time has changed. Our brief window with which to visit highlighted for both of us the sometimes cruel passing of time. We held each other and missed each other as our eyes feasted for the lean times that we know lie ahead. That is the mystery of Christmas that brings the smiles and feeds the sorrows. We rejoice for what we have and remiss for what we have lost.
So I close with a cheers to friends and family no longer with us, but also with love and peace offered to the friends that I still have. May you find your peace and love my blogging friends and thank you for letting me into your lives.
My thoughts originally were going to be about the sadness that people feel at this time of year. So many gather together and feast and frolic. When a face is missing around the table we have pause. Their presence is felt and missed. We certainly have a few seats missing around our festive feasts. No one can replace my Bradley that was in charge of "flipping the bird" at Leslie's and of course the carving of said bird afterwards. No offence Jamie, but you don't hold a candle to him in my books. I almost grabbed the knife myself, as I often feel Brad's presence within me, but I let it go and faded into another room. Brad's spirit lives on and he was seen in my mind's eye in all the spaces where I had seen him before. You are not forgotten Brad and never will be.
My cousin was also active in thoughts at her second Christmas visiting in spirit, but not body. I slept in her room and had her smiling face looking over me and filling my dreams. Her parents still have tears in their eyes, but at the back of them if you look. It is hard to not see the cherished ones that we love and will love forever. They are still at our elbows and in our hearts. I left a small bottle of rye for my hubby and told him to "rip it up and give em hell" on Christmas Eve. I can smile at him now, but feel for the friends that I have that are going through their first Christmas without their significant others. A coffee date a few days before Christmas with a friend that lost his common-law wife a few months ago reminded me to be kind over the holidays. Life is precious and brief. His eyes still hold disbelief of what his life looks like and feels like. It is not right or fair, but it is what is meant to be for whatever reason. Peace will come eventually, but it takes time, patience and love.
My tears came when I had the pleasure to see a friend in town for the holidays. The holidays always speed up into a chaotic whirlwind. I was able to meet my girlfriend for dinner and a movie and was thrilled to see her smiling face. We openly held hands and embraced constantly. She is a dear friend that touched my soul with her unquestioning love and the support she offered while my husband was sick and dying. She can laugh and be crude one moment and drop everything to hold my hand so I can cry the next. When she moved away after my husband died I was devastated and mourn her loss still. She is a pure soul. I held her with tears streaming down my checks as we parted in the parking lot of a movie theatre. She is still alive and still a friend, but our time has changed. Our brief window with which to visit highlighted for both of us the sometimes cruel passing of time. We held each other and missed each other as our eyes feasted for the lean times that we know lie ahead. That is the mystery of Christmas that brings the smiles and feeds the sorrows. We rejoice for what we have and remiss for what we have lost.
So I close with a cheers to friends and family no longer with us, but also with love and peace offered to the friends that I still have. May you find your peace and love my blogging friends and thank you for letting me into your lives.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
J & G: part II
Tomorrow finds a joking smile splayed across a silly face. Up, up, I am up! I love you and you and shower you with good tidings of love. Jump up and dance a lovely little silly ditty. Sing loud to make the chickadees titter. My oyster, my pearl is shiny today! What plans for the future that I cannot wait to have unfurl! Oh the Joy I can offer and spread. The key is mine! I will share crumbs of bread to bobbing birds and shreds of meat to a hungry winter prowling critter. Give I give! I make the world a better place. My smiles make my face ache and swell my heart with love.
Twitches begin again as night falls. The nightmare that just will not end. Sour sweat slick on my skin and through my hair. Gone are the birds. Gone is the sun that sparkled on river banks of yesterdays. Did I see the river yesterday? Was that real or just imagined dreams? Have I ever had real happiness. Has anyone ever cared. Was there ever such a thing as love?
A shower. Must needs a shower to make the world right. A shower. A better path to wend. Find a friendly face. Stalk away from heathen night terrors. Should they not be relegated to youth? “That is where they came from”, a voice replies. Forget youth. Forget pain. Find sunshine and smiles. Must make the world a better place. A better place. Must find a better place.
***
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Boxing Day wind down
Exhaustion creeps into my brain. Fatigue born of visiting with friends and family for three nights in a row, cheersing all and sundry. I love this time of year with its warmth and cheer, but enough with the beer! I was spoiled rotten and my kids loved it. The glee at opening presents did not stop day after day. R has been chanting presents, presents as every day saw a new batch slide under the tree. Alas for her, tomorrow will only hold the present of life. That is plenty enough for me. I have managed to put some of the new gifts away, but still see much littered about to find homes for tomorrow. The day to clean, perhaps purge old toys for the newly arrived, and most importantly to stay home and enjoy our own company. There are still a few visitors on the horizon. I look forward to them, but am glad to sleep in my own bed tonight. And to bed I shall go on a yawn..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Good night and God Bless
Good night and God Bless
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to one and all!
The weather outside is frightful (rain! yuck),
but in here it is quite delightful.
The children are down below.
And ice clinks in my glass for show
As the turkey browns in the heat
My mouth savours for the treat.
of the golden bird so divine
it will be mine, all mine, be mine.
Have a lovely day and bless you all!
The weather outside is frightful (rain! yuck),
but in here it is quite delightful.
The children are down below.
And ice clinks in my glass for show
As the turkey browns in the heat
My mouth savours for the treat.
of the golden bird so divine
it will be mine, all mine, be mine.
Have a lovely day and bless you all!
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