Blow baby, Blow!

   Five years ago today I was huffing and puffing. I was glowing and blowing. Right about now I was contemplating sliding into a nice warm tub to ease the pains and strains of my day. It was an enormous amount of work, but I would do it again in a heart beat. That heart beat was my first born child and love of my life. Today is my celebration of her birth, her  celebration of life; T's birthday.

   She put me through my paces, but her brilliant eyes awoke in me a love that I had never known. Her tiny hands reached for me and I gave myself wholly and completely without a thought. How could I not? She was perfect. She was everything I had hoped and dreamed for. The nine months leading up to her birth were some of the happiest days of my life (aside from some hormone-induced mood-altered moments that made me wonder if I was carrying Satan's child in my belly). My life was perfect (how many drugs was I on during that time?) and her happy nature was proof of the quality of my days. I loved everything and everyone at that precious moment that I gained the identity of Mommy. For all the strife and gripe, I would never relinquish my hold on that identity and all it encompasses. I love my baby and all she represents. She loved me, changed me and looked up to me regardless of my rights or wrongs. I in my turn changed her (many times over!), loved her and would give her all the fairies in the glen could I to catch them. Forever she is my baby. Forever she is my heart.  Happy Birthday is shouted through the ethers of my soul. Chocolate cake will be my reward once the sun says goodnight. And it is good...

Cleaning the path for light

    So thus far in my day I have attacked my task scheduler with vigor. I picked up a few needed groceries. The bill man got his dues. I jumped on the sturdy vacuum (no, not broom you nasty people!) and sucked up any new crumbs that were added over the last day and a half. My arch nemesis the mop had his way with me and danced me throughout my world. Almost worked up a sweat with that last one! I even swept the hunks and ashes from the hearth, with thoughts of a flame to set backdrop for my evening. I am feeling good. I visited my friends at Threading Light and smiled with gratitude that I am able to state I have friends and people that care about me. Life is a pretty good thing. Tonight there will be conversation, smiles, nibblies and bevvies to sip at. I can think of others that wish me well and am truly grateful for the path that has brought me here. For all the stresses I carry with me, today I thank you who offer your shoulders to lean on, hands to pull me up and smiles to encourage the dance. The snow that blows outside my window covers up the grass that hinted at spring yesterday, but the sunshine remains shining in my heart.

Be well

Performance Anxiety? Nah...

   So I have to share a little secret with you. I am a little bit stressed. Tomorrow evening I am hosting my book club's meeting. There are a few factors here that cause me angst. The first being that I have not finished the book yet (Yes, I know that I could be doing that now. Thank you for reminding me). The second is that with me hosting I should present a clean and tidy house. This never happens for more than 5 minutes at my house. Yesterday I vacuumed the entire upstairs world, with dusting attachment and everything. Within half and hour lunch occurred and the kitchen floor resumed it's normal state of existence; crumb covered. I live with this, as I know having two girls under the age of five necessitates a mess or two. Tomorrow though I have outsiders entering my abode. Some of the ladies have never been here before, therefore might want a toodle around. I do a great job of looking through things and not even seeing messes. Right now I cannot help but notice the masses of papers cluttering counters in my kitchen. Oh.

   "How do I deal with that?", I wonder to myself.

   So now I feel like I am up for inspection. Ack! I think this is where my anxieties step up to the plate. What will people think of me? I already fail in my eyes, as I cannot live up to my own expectations, let alone anyone else's. No. No, no, no! Stop! Put the brakes on the negative train. I have had enough. I will clean again tomorrow after the children go to daycare. I will do the best that I can and accept what does not happen. Many of the ladies have children and all have a job of some sort or another. I can do nothing but my best and if that means I ask them to walk through the kitchen with eyes cast down, so be it. So what! Will they judge me? Maybe. Maybe not. Does it matter? Not in the grand scheme of things.

   Realistically I do not think I am that worried, if I think about it. It is a sunny day. The girls and I went for a walk to enjoy some of the rays, which is much more important for them and me. We all thrilled to the melting snow and gloried in each other's company. Plus, I managed to put another coat of paint on the trunk that was started many moons ago. So I will close today with a few pics to celebrate the day.

I think that these smiles are worth every bit of sniff I get over a less than perfect house...

Saturday Segways

   I have just come across  from my writing course. I am taking a digital  writing course that offers suggestions as to how to promote myself in the digital age. It is an online course with approximately 15 people in the class. This week has been my workshop week. I submitted an early section  from a biography piece I am working on about my cancer journey with Brad. I debated whether I should use this piece, but thought that if I hope to have my words go further into the ethers at any stage, this might be a good forum to introduce it. As I noted to a classmate that gave me comment, they are anonymous for the most part, as I shall probably not meet any of them.  I can read their comments and either take them or run from them as I see fit. They do not have to worry about offending someone that they have vested interest in. I hoped that would elicit honesty. While it is a heavy subject that people have noted and are somewhat leery of cutting apart, I think that I was correct in my assumptions. I have had some good points offered, that has led to some editing. I even offered the same section, plus more to a friend for some critiquing. Before now all these thousands of words have just been mine to play around with. I am beginning the process of changing that. I think that my positive comments from my African tale have helped with that. Thank you to all of you readers out in blog-land!

    While more thoughts could have puttered out there in regards to this, distraction has floundered the writing machine. Grandma and Grandpa have arrived with gifts in tow for two little girls. So alas, I must leave you my dear readers. Perhaps tomorrow I will remember if there was point in what I was about to say. I leave you with thank yous for giving me the confidence to be here every day. Be well. Sunshine wishes to you all.

Silence is Golden

Candlelight and roses set my table

As the day disappears outside my window

Romance perches in a vase for me

With a wine glass for one to enjoy