Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anniversary. Show all posts

Thursday, April 7, 2016

My Journey

I began blogging in 2009. I have written the story of how I came to blogging before, but am still grateful to Gord for pointing the way to what has become a lifestyle and career for me. It has been a journey which has taken many twists and turns, but the words have led me through. 

Those words have shown up in many places. This blog was my first, but certainly not the only place where I've written. Few know of the small blog I started to work out a little more of my grief journey. It was short-lived and didn't have many entries, but some of them were rather insightful. 

For whatever reason today, I found myself perusing that old blog. I suppose I can guess what drew me there. It's April; the month in which I was married, bought the house I live in now, and on April 1st, 2007 Brad was hospitalized with what looked like a stroke, but which ended up being a bleed in his brain. The cause; his cancer had spread and was now inoperable and fatal. 

April was an awful month for years. In 2008 I found myself retreating back into a worse state, not realizing it was a grief wave set in motion due to anniversary stress. By 2009, I knew to expect the awful choking memories and residual grief surges which flared during this difficult time period. In the years that followed, the waves were less difficult to maneuver, but still there none the less.

Today, I still feel the effects from a time period that smashed the world as I knew it. April 1st was the anniversary of the beginning of the end of my life with Brad. He will be gone nine years this summer. It is hard to believe sometimes, but I cannot imagine my life any other way now. Much has come and gone since then, but it's still hard not to feel his presence in April. And I guess that's alright.

So today I thought I would share an old post from a time long ago. I feel it held hope, which makes me glad for that woman who was days away from the 4th anniversary of impending loss. And those words offered pretty sage advice, if I do say so myself.

~~~

MY JOURNEY


March 25th, 2011;

Listen

When those that walk the earth take flight
we cry and tear our hair so tight,
but listen quiet and you'll hear
their footsteps follow always near.


When we have known someone, they leave an imprint on our soul. That cannot be erased. A loved one's voice will always be there to comfort and guide the way, if you but just listen...

Friday, April 24, 2015

Mizpah



11 - the number of years we would have had
what would have happened?
where would we be?
would it have been deserving of steel?
or would we have survived babies?

7 - the number of years you've been gone
so many moments
lost before their time
I've stumbled and reworked them
a life that should have been our prime

3 - the number of years we had
marriage was a gift
one I didn't quite  foresee
you gave me all your everything
your love for eternity


I never will forget
the days when you were mine
I still live them every day
our hearts will always twine

Happy Anniversary my love. We would have been married 11 years today. While our days were stolen early, I'll always celebrate the time I had with you and take joy in your living memory left to me in our children. Blessings to you sweet man.

We've got mizpah...

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Five


"Embrace the past with Remembrance and the Future with Longing" Khalil Gibran

RIP my dear
8.29.2007
Seems like only yesterday...

Always in my heart
even as the days
spin ever forward
~

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

August

I fill my days with running
   I try...
The images are cunning
   I cry...
They come to me 'tween heartbeats
   and pry...
Reminding me of anniversaries
   thoughts fly...

The harvest fills
my hands and days.
I stock my shelves
with jams and pray
that frozen images
will away,
   just for today...
   I pray...


I fill my days with running
   I try...
The images are cunning
   I cry...
They come to me 'tween heartbeats
   and pry...
Reminding me of anniversaries
   thoughts fly...


Your hands so cold
are but a dream.
Their sturdy tasks
so far it seems.
While once
you stood beside my bed,
now memory
lies close instead.


I fill my days with running
   I try...
The images are cunning
   I cry...
They come to me 'tween heartbeats
   and pry...
Reminding me of anniversaries
   thoughts fly...


   August
The waning days of life
 unfold.
Inside my head
my stories told.
best left to lie
til pillows hold
yesterday's gifts
that still feel bold.
   August


I fill my days with running
   I try...
The images are cunning
   I cry...
They come to me 'tween heartbeats
   and pry...
Reminding me of anniversaries
   thoughts fly...

  August
just for today...
  memories
I pray...
  August

-------
Busy days keep me running, but I cannot forget some things. My friends at OneShot are one of them. 



Saturday, April 24, 2010

Six

To have and to hold;
  -you were always mine and true


For better or for worse;
   -lovers spats seemed never to reach "I've had enough". That's got to be better...


For richer or for poorer;
   -never rich, but never poor. You lived life with an eye to our future wealth


In sickness and in health;
   -keeping my end of the bargain cost me much,
         but I would do it again in a heartbeat despite sickness


To love and to cherish from this day forward;
   -so many memories that I hold fast that the word love does not give justice to


Till death do us part.
   -That's where they got it wrong. 
       Death does not part us, aside from in body. 
          Your soul watches over me; I feel its presence eternal.
             Your gifts keep on giving with little hands that grow daily
                 Long, long after we both are no more than dust in the wind 
                    the glow that we formed will still fill the ethers with loving grace


Happy Anniversary to you my dear sweet man. My road it wavers, and yet carries on. Your footprints hover inches above mine and I am blessed. Love eternal to you~


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